The Real Universe

Atlantis, Pegasus Galaxy

In his lab, Dr. Rodney McKay massaged his temples. He had no idea how late it was, and the science labs were virtually abandoned. Carson had said that he had an irrational fear of leaving the lab.

"Irrational my ass. Incompetent staff! Wouldn't recognize a zat-gun from a communications stone." In his tired stupor, Rodney stood and headed for the door. His foot caught something, and he tripped. A sheet was wrapped around his foot, and a gray metallic object was reveled.

"Must be something they brought up from one of the flooded levels," he muttered to himself. He examined it and decided that it must be some kind of mirror.

God, he looked awful! He face was drawn and thin, he could do with a shave and sleep.

He brought his hands to his face and rubbed thoroughly. As he brought his hands away, he noticed a shining ring around his finger in the mirror. He looked at his hand again, and of course there was no ring. He looked at the reflection again and there was no ring.

Too tired to consider this quandary, he threw the sheet over the mirror and left for his room.

He dreamed about the word, "quantum".

Prologue - The other side of the Quantum Mirror

"So, Doctor McKay, tell my why you think I should hire you for the needs of this facility?" asked the salt and pepper haired man with stars on his blue, uniformed shoulders. The general thumbed through McKay's file with one hand and held his head above the table with the other hand.

Flustered the doctor replied, "Well, um I have multiple advanced degrees in science and math and a doctorate in astrophysics. At the University of Washington, I worked on several research projects, which-" General O'Neill stopped him.

"Yes, Doctor." He waved a thick yellow folder. "We know all of that. What makes you special? What about you will make me want to hire you over all of the other more qualified double and triple doctorates?"

Rodney McKay felt a lump in his throat. The dark-haired colonel swiveling in the chair next to General O'Neill made him all the more uneasy. Obviously Rodney wasn't impressing anyone. Come on, Rodney, you have to get this job if you ever want to see your family again.

Rodney warily eyed the man with the wild hair. "Listen," he began, "I am willing to do anything. I am in a real financial bind, and I am struggling to simply keep my family from starving, and if I don't get this job, I won't even be allowed to be in the same country as my wife and two kids."

The dark-haired colonel stopped swiveling his seat as Rodney explained his situation. The general mockingly fished through a stack of files to his left. "So are a lot of the other applicants, and the US government is not a charity."

This is going nowhere. Rodney took a deep breath and let it out. "Look, it is obvious that you don't want me. I mean, I don't even have a green card anymore, but before you kick me out of your mountain fortress, I want you to know that I am the most qualified scientist for this job. Translating theories into demonstrable laws of physics and applicable on a practical level and - and then putting those laws into practice," You're babbling! "is exactly what I have been trying to do since I built a miniature nuclear reactor when I was in high school. Further more-" the general stopped him a second time with a wave of his hand.

The bored-looking, quiet colonel pushed a single file across the table and in front of McKay.

"What's this?" Rodney asked, opening it.

"Your US citizenship. That is of course, if you sign the confidentiality wavers," stated the general.

Rodney had to concentrate on not letting his jaw drop. This was it. Citizenship and a government paycheck would keep his family from starving. These papers would make everything right again. "Waivers?" He studied the papers and then stared at the general.

"Yes, they give us the right to imprison you, fine you, or shoot you if you ever tell a single soul about anything you see or do while in our facility."

"Shoot?" Rodney asked, the tone of his voice slightly higher than before.

The general shrugged. "You can never be too careful when it comes to national security. Don't worry; we only shoot the people who leak our secrets to the enemy. Now, telling a family member or friend what you do over a few shots of Tequila will only get you and that person a lifetime vacation in one of our military prisons until that information becomes declassified."

Rodney took a deep breath to calm the sudden hammering in his chest. "And if I refuse to sign?"

The general smirked and leaned back in his black leather chair. "You miss out on your citizenship and comfy job. The citizenship papers only take effect once you have signed the waiver and agreed to join our project."

For a genius, Rodney was considerably confused. He narrowed his eyes at the two men across the table. "So you want me? I'm hired?"

The general looked to his fellow officer, who had been sitting perfectly still, staring intently at Rodney. "I thought the shooting part made that clear." The quiet man shrugged.

Rodney chose not to take that as an insult. "When do I start?"

The general pushed a pen across the top of the desk toward Rodney. "We'll begin your debriefing after you have a moment to consider signing the waiver."

Rodney scrambled to reach for the pen. He signed, without even glancing at the pages, and pushed the papers back. "Wait, I don't think I understand. I had the impression that you guys didn't want me."

The quiet colonel with the funny hair answered. "There's something about you that I like."

---

Rodney felt like crying. The debriefing had left him disenchanted to the point of heartbreak. These whacko jarheads bought a big round rock from the Egyptian government, and some crackpot hippie thought that it would take them to outer space.

"Doctor?" The long haired hippie with glasses glared at Rodney. "Am I boring you?"

"Hmm, no . . . Um, you were saying something about aliens building the pyramids?"

"Yes, the pyramids were landing pads for their spaceships." Rodney took a swig of his scolding hot coffee to suppress the laugh that threatened to burst free. At least the coffee was good. Not that piss water that passed for coffee in Washington.

"Thank you, Daniel. I think that's enough of the history lesson," said the general at the head of the briefing table.

"Sorry I'm late," said an angelic voice from behind Rodney. He turned and saw the most beautiful woman in the world.

General O'Neill directed the new arrival to an empty seat near his. "We just finished Daniel's exciting lesson in Ancient Egyptian flying saucers."

"They weren't saucers," retorted the hippie.

"Whatever," said the general, but Rodney hadn't heard a word since the angel had spoken. "Doctor Carter, meet your new assistant, Doctor Rodney McKay."

Rodney did turn his attention away from the tall, blond, blue-eyed, long-haired, big-breasted, long-legged, perfectly proportioned goddess in the blue dress when he heard the word, "assistant." "What exactly do you mean by 'assistant'?"

"Nice to meet you too, Dr. McKay," she said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I never signed up to be an assistant," cried Rodney.

"Yes, you did," Dr. Carter replied. "It was in the same paragraph that said you would be paid $160,000 annually."

Rodney remembered that he hadn't actually read the contract. A hundred and sixty . . . "Oh."

"Don't worry, Doctor, I don't think any less of your manhood than I already do." Carter seated herself beside the general with a grin on her face.

Did she just insult him? Oh, god, she was totally hitting on him.

Carter sat forward, placing her interlaced fingers on the polished tabletop. "Let me catch you up on wormhole theory."

"Whoa, whoa, wait!" Rodney put a finger in the air. "I wrote the book on wormhole theory," he objected.

"Yeah, but mine was published."

Damn it.

"The current academic thinking is that wormholes must fold space to bring two distant points closer." She gestured with her fingers in the air. "What we have learned is that wormholes work by accelerating time in a subspace bubble guided by a complex gravitational wave. At least that is what I haven been able to calculate from the data that we have gathered by our travel through the Stargate."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "This is a joke, right? Kavanagh put you all up to this, didn't he? I bet he paid you all extra for the cavity search this morning, aye?"

All eyes were on him.

"He found my notes and gave them to you to mess with me. Well, guess what . . . you just screwed up the joke because the subspace bubble cannot exist in our dimension. You would need a cold fusion reaction from an atom that doesn't even exist on the periodic table. Yeah, it had to be Kavanagh because he would be the only idiot with a PhD in Astrophysic-Engineering who wouldn't realize that." He inhaled.

"Naquadah," said Carter, calmly.

"What?"

"Naquadah is the element not on the official periodic table. The Stargate is made almost entirely out of it. We have never seen this element anywhere else on the planet."

"Oh, so that automatically means that aliens built the pyramids," said Rodney, sarcastically.

Jackson's head fell in despare before he insisted, "No, no, no! I went over this. The Egyptian people built them for the aliens who made themselves kings!"

"Daniel, let it go," said the general.

Carter turned to O'Neill. "General," she said, her tone respectful, "may we just show him the 'gate when SG-4 returns from Abydos? We're wasting our time explaining this to him."

"Alright, I'm getting bored and when I get bored, I get hungry. Let's get lunch. Doctor McKay, I'll release the mission reports for you to study."

---

Rodney was escorted by the dark haired colonel to the mess hall. He stood behind the colonel and watched as he stepped in the line for food. Rodney felt a pang of remorse, like he was standing in the free food line in Washington again, like he had done everyday for the past six years.

They quickly picked up their trays and grabbed plates and mugs. The colonel filled his mug with coffee, and Rodney did the same. Two cups in one day; this was a treat. Maybe working for idiots wasn't so bad after all.

The colonel piled on potatoes, carrots, and corn on his plate. Rodney did the same. Then the colonel added four slices of turkey, drizzled in gravy.

Rodney didn't know what to do. Normally he had to have a special identification card to get meat in the food lines. Rodney stood, staring at the turkey while the colonel moved onto condiments, utensils, and napkins.

Rodney glanced over to see that the colonel watching him with an unreadable expression on his face. "The turkey doesn't bite, Doctor."

"Um, am I, um allowed to get meat here?"

"Ah, yeah. Why wouldn't you?"

Embarrassed, he quickly replied, "Oh, nothing, never mind." Rodney piled the meat onto his plate. He grabbed a fork and joined the colonel at a table.

"So, how do you like Colorado?" the other man asked as Rodney swallowed his first bite of moist turkey.

Rodney usually hated to talk while he had food in front of him, but he humored the colonel. "I can't remember the last time I had so much food on my plate. You guys have no idea how lucky you are down here."

"I didn't know it was that bad in Washington." The colonel picked and poked at his carrots.

"It's nothing compared to the dump Canada has become. And it's not just Washington. Oregon Montana and Idaho are all suffering from the strain and Canadian illegals. Black market thugs and politicians have their thumbs on all the goods coming in and out of those states. The prices have gone up so high that good, hardworking people are struggling to feed their families." Rodney neglected to volunteer in that he was one of them just two hours ago. "I almost a heart attack when I saw the price a gallon of milk advertised at a gas station."

"Huh."

"So how about you? What's your story?"

The colonel swallowed his corn and took a swig from his glass of water. "Story? I don't know. I guess I don't really have one."

Rodney was already done with his turkey and was scooping up the thick gravy with his fork. "Of course you have a story. Why did you get into this project? Why are you in the military?"

"Um, well, I've been a test pilot for most of my career. I stayed in Nevada through the conflict with Yugoslavia. So did General O'Neill. You know, the bigwigs in the government and don't want anyone to know how close we came to surrendering to President Korwitz." The colonel slouched back a little in his chair. "Anyway, O'Neill and I worked together on building the AFF Bomber. That little beauty won the war - I mean conflict. We got our choice of any project after that. It also doesn't hurt that we own ten percent of the shares of Skunkworks stock."

Rodney almost dropped his fork. "You own Skunkworks stock? You have to be millionaires. Your in great-grandkids wouldn't have to work a day in their lives!"

The other man shrugged. "Actually, most of our profits go into finding this project. We had to buy Cheyenne Mountain from the army just to have the appropriate facilities to do our work."

"You own the mountain!?"

"No, the general owns the mountain. I am in charge of equipment and staff. I sign everyone's paychecks."

"Oh, well, thanks for the job." Rodney smiled

"You're welcome." The colonel leaned forward and began to nibble on his turkey. He saw that McKay was about to lick his empty plate clean and was looking longingly at the turkey still uneaten on his plate. "There is dessert if you want."

Rodney was out of his chair before the colonel finished his sentence. His view of the glass refrigerator was initially hidden behind the stack of coffee mugs and glasses. Inside was shelf after shelf of pies, cakes, pastries, fruit and cream, and a rainbow of jello flavors. He considered taking both the blueberry pie and the blue jell-o with whipped cream, but he did not want to look like a pig in front of the colonel. He had just decided on the blue berry pie when a voice stopped him.

"The pie isn't that sweet this week." It was little miss fancy pants herself. "But the jello is always good."

As Carter reached around him, and he breathed in her heavenly scent.

She took the blue jell-o and returned to her table. Apparently, it was the last one. Well, there were other flavors. Green? It was probably lime and he was allergic to citrus. Orange, no, yellow, no. Damn her. He took the blueberry pie and went back to his table.

The colonel had pushed his plate away and was sipping at his coffee.

Rodney had two bites of the pie in his mouth before retaking his seat. "I'm not," he moved the pie around in his mouth, "keeping you from anything, am I?"

"No."

"It's just that you look so bored."

"Nope, just thinking." The man gulped more coffee.

"About what?" Sweet or not, that was good pie. Rodney resigned himself to savoring the last piece of crust and letting it dissolve in his mouth.

The colonel swigged the rest of his coffee and stood. "I was just thinking about what you would look like naked."

The remnants of the blueberry pie caught in Rodney's throat, and he choked.

The colonel walked away.

Chapter One

Rodney was shown the room that would be his during his stay at Cheyenne Mountain. There was a large bed, side tables, posters of jet fighters on the cement wall, and a phone.

"The facilities are down the hall and to the right. Feel free, sir, to use the phone," said the airman assigned to him.

"Where am I supposed to work?" asked Rodney. There was no desk.

"I have been told, sir, that you will be shown Doctor Carter's lab after contact with Abydos has been made at sixteen hundred hours. Until then, make yourself comfortable."

"Right, thank you."

The airman left the room and closed the door.

Rodney went to the phone next to the bed. Should he call his wife? Tell her that he had the job? Tell her that his new male boss had just hit on him? Shit, just let her know that you're alive and have a good job.

Rodney dialed home. Four rings. "Hello?"

"Hi, yeah, I need to speak with Mrs. Brown in apartment number 12."

The gruff voice on the other line said, "By making this phone call, you understand that Mrs. Brown will be billed ten dollars every minute?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Just put her on the phone."

"Please hold."

Rodney fidgeted with his hands as the man took his time connecting him to the apartment. There was a click and then a ring.

"Hello?" It was his wife's beautiful, gentle voice.

Rodney heard the small, faint voices of his son and daughter in the background. "Is it Daddy? Is it Daddy?"

"Katie, it's me. I have the greatest news!"

"Rodney, what are you doing calling us? You know we can't afford it."

"We can now, Katie. I got the job."

"Oh, thank God, Rodney. Thank God! If you hadn't, I don't know what we would have done."

"There's more. They gave me US citizenship."

"But, Rodney, that takes months."

"I know, I know. These people have more money than they know what to do with. And they like my theory on wormholes."

"Oh Rodney, are you sure this is what you want to do. All of this sounds really good, but even I know that your theory doesn't work, and I'm a botanist. If these people are who they claim to be, they should know that."

"I know how it sounds, but I have my citizenship and $160,000 a year."

"A hundred and - Oh my God, Rodney! I can't believe it. I knew it paid well, but I never expected -"

"I know, I know. Isn't it great? Kate, I want you to take the money from the mattress and the broken toilet and buy yourself and the kids a good meal tonight. I'm going to wire my first pay check to you on the second of the month. You should have more than enough to last until then."

"God, Rodney, I'm so happy." She was obviously crying. "We'll write to you everyday. I'm going to put Cleya on the phone, then you better go. I love you so much!"

"I love you, too."

"Daddy?"

"Hi, honey."

"Daddy, Mommy is crying."

"I know, honey. It's because she's happy that I got the job in Colorado."

"When are you coming home? I miss you."

"I know Teddy Bear, but I have work to do out here. We might be moving here to Colorado. You would love it here, honey. There are so many trees and the air is so clean."

Cleya spoke away from the phone's mouthpiece, "Mommy, Daddy says that we're moving to Colorado."

Rodney said, "I want you to think about that and draw some pictures with your brother for Mommy to send to me. I love you, Teddy Bear."

"I love you too, Daddy."

"Bye, honey."

"Bye. I'll start drawing right now. Bye!"

Overwhelming joy overcame Rodney, and choking sobs wracked his too thin form.

He would buy them a house with a yard. Buy a car. Have enough food for left-overs every night. Casta and Cleya would never have to stand in the Disease Control line for vitamin shots again. If only he could shove his good luck in the face of that weasel, Kavanagh. Then Rodney McKay began to think back to his time at the University of Washington.

As the head of the Science Department in standing, if not in title, Dr. Rodney McKay had many enemies. Dr. Simpson, his superior a woman classy enough to know that the only reason that she was the Department Head instead of Rodney was that she was rich and American. As such she allowed Dr. McKay to freely express his academic opinions and reined him in before he could insult anyone too much.

Not even she, though, could protect Rodney from his back-stabbing colleague, Dr. Kavanagh.

Rodney had also experienced difficulty in earning respect from the American students. Simpson had repeatedly asked him to refrain from insulting them, but he could not help but berate his advanced Astrophysics students for paying off Kavanagh to ensure good grades in the prerequisite Astrophysics classes. Rodney believe that good grades should denote an understanding of the subject rather than reflect how wealthy the student was.

Rodney was grading the midterm exams when he came to Brian Batherton's blank exam packet. Between the fourth and fifth page, he found three crispy Benjamin Franklins.

Tension coiled in Rodney's stomach. Batherton was the nephew of a state congressman and was notorious in the teacher's lounge for bullying his teachers into giving him anything he wanted.

The $300 meant that he respected McKay enough not to beat him half to death to obtain a decent grade as previous students had done.

McKay considered the dubious honor and the $300 that would keep his hands from shaking due to low blood sugar levels and would buy a few fresh vegetables for his family.

Then his god-damned morals kicked in and he marked a modest red "F" at the top left corner of the exam cover.

Sixty-seven graded exams later, McKay had a stack of papers to his left representing the students who had haphazardly attempted to pass the test. A second, larger pile to his right represented the students who had attempted to bribe him. Including the previous $300, Dr. McKay had a pile of money that surpassed three months of his salary.

That evening when Dr. McKay brought his papers to Dr. Simpson, she made a few suggestions of taking the money and running with it, keep his mouth shut, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and several other American adages.

The next day before passing out the exams for the usual after-test-review, Rodney debated with himself about what to do. The smug expressions on the faces of the students who had bribed him, and the anxious faces of those students who had actually attempted to take the test solved his internal debate.

"I have all of your final grades in my grade book, so don't worry about fixing your test while we review. With this class, I am going to make a very generous offer. For those of you who received a failing grade, you can leave the room now, go to the enrollment office, and drop out of class. This will save everyone grief and time. Please save all of your questions until all after the papers are passed back." McKay passed Brian's paper to him last.

There was angry murmuring among the students, and then Brian shouted at the sight of his paper. "I can't believe this! Who do you think you are? I give you good money, and this is how you repay me?"

There were similar outcries from half of the class.

"Hey!" shouted McKay. "You should be thankful I didn't have you all expelled. Just drop the class and forget about the whole thing."

Brian growled, "We'll see what the Dean has to say about this," and he walked out of the class, a procession of snarling students followed him.

The rest of the class sat ghostly pale. The answer key he held in his hand shook as he read, "Question number one . . . " and it wasn't because of his low blood sugar.

A small dark-haired girl with glasses in the second row interrupted him. "Doctor?"

The pause allowed McKay to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Doctor Kavanagh said that you would pass us all if we paid you. What made you change your mind?"

McKay knew Kavanagh was behind this, but he didn't realize that the man would blatantly tell his students to bribe him. If McKay took the bribes offered by his students, Kavanagh would certainly expose him and take great joy in having him fired.

Rodney also knew that if he didn't accept the students' bribes, then Batherton would be sure to use his family influence to have Rodney fired as revenge for failing to kowtow to him, and for having the temerity to refuse to allow him to buy his way through this exam.

McKay was screwed and Kavanagh was wielding the screwdriver. Rodney addressed the girl. "Why didn't you bribe me?" He turned his gaze on the remaining students seated before him. "All of you, why didn't you bribe me?"

The brunette said, "It didn't seem right. I just couldn't do it."

The Indian boy behind her offered, "I don't have enough money."

"That too," agreed the dark-haired girl.

"Me too," the rest of the class replied.

"Are you going to get fired, Dr. McKay?" asked the brunette.

"Yes," Rodney replied. "Probably deported, too." The class was uncomfortably quiet as the reality of his situation hit him. He was going to loose his family and his career.

The tense silence was broken by the slamming of the lecture hall doors as Kavanagh and Batherton led the dean down the steps towards the platform on which Rodney stood.

"This class is dismissed," shouted the Dean announced loudly. The few remaining students left quickly, without dispute. The brunette gave Rodney a worried look just before she ran up the steps to the doors.

"What is the meaning of this, McKay? Not only do I understand that you encourage students to offer you bribes to secure passing grades, but I have also been informed that you have failed each one of the wealthy students in your class. Do you have some kind of vendetta against people better off than yourself? Well? Speak up, McKay!"

"Just fire me and stop the charade." Rodney's head was down and his voice was low. He was trying hard to keep his temper, and not to give Kavanagh the opportunity of gloating any more than already possible.

"Not so fast, McKay. It seems to me that you have also wasted a full semester's worth of your students' education. Don't you have any scruples? Had you continued to teach your nonsense, who knows how you could have ruined the lives of these students? Who knows how long you would have continued to peddle this rubbish. I am a PhD myself and I can't make heads or tails of this!" The Dean waved a copy of the class test in front of Rodney's face.

Rodney could no longer restrain himself from responding.

"This is advanced Astrophysics; of course you wouldn't understand it. This is beyond most people including you and Kavanagh."

The Dean's face grew red with anger.

"How dare you! Accusing your betters of being simpletons? I went against my better judgment when I hired you in spite of your being a Maple, and I can see I was right to have my doubts about you. Your Maple-loving wife will be lucky to keep her job after this debacle."

The use of the derogative slur stung. "My wife has nothing to do with this."

The argument went on until neither had enough energy to continue.

An armed guard and Kavanagh "assisted" McKay in removing his personal effects from his desk and office. Before leaving McKay asked Kavanagh a simple, "Why?" and Kavanagh gave an equally simple answer.

"You're not the only one with a family."

Rodney waited across the street from the University for his wife to finish with her botany class. She already knew what had happened before she saw him. They both knew that without a job, he would be deported within the month, if not sooner.

Katie's mother had passed away recently, and Katie gave the small inheritance she had received to her husband. Rodney spent the meager amount of money on stationery and stamps. He sent letters to every school and private research facility about which he had ever heard.

The only response he received came from a joint private and government project in Colorado. Rodney couldn't actually remember sending them a letter. One phone call, and one plane ride later, there he was sitting on a bed, deep inside a mountain waiting to hear from people on another planet.

And what the hell was the deal with that colonel? Was the man actually making a pass at Rodney, or was he just trying to rattle him?

Damn it, Rodney told himself, Stop dwelling on the negative.

The same airman from earlier brought Rodney his suit case. He set the one extra set of clothing in the large dresser.

He sat, watching the clock and twiddling his thumbs until 3:55, exactly when the airman came back again. He escorted Rodney through the concrete maze of corridor, down the elevator, and back to the command center.

Lights and sirens were signaling some major event, and Rodney prepared himself for disappointment. He stood next to the general and Dr. Carter in front of a window looking over a room containing a large, metallic ring with four, fully-armed soldiers standing at the bottom of a ramp leading up to the ring.

Suddenly, a fountain of water rushed toward the glass window, and Rodney instinctively hunched down to the floor. Carter helped him back to his feet, and the general laughed at him.

"Receiving SG-4's IDC," announced a bald man sitting at a computer.

"SG-4 to Stargate Command."

"This is General O'Neill. We read you, SG-4."

"Mission on schedule. Request permission to debrief SG-2 on site. We'd ah, like to stay for a while longer if you don't mind, General. Ready to receive SG-2."

The general smiled. "Take your time, Kowalski. SG-2, you have a go." The waiting soldiers marched up the metal ramp leading up to the pool of vertical water contained within the large ring.

Rodney nearly lost his lunch as he watched the soldiers disappear into the rippling surface of the water.

"Pretty impressive, isn't it?" asked the blond goddess.

Pretty indeed, Rodney thought. "I, um, how . . ."

Carter smiled at Rodney's inability to put together a sentence. "I'll set you up with some of the archives in the library."

Either because he'd just seen a giant ball of water explode toward him and swallow four human beings onto another planet, or because he had had two cups of coffee, or possibly both, Rodney was restless. He had so many questions.

Was time dilation a recognizable factor for those who traversed through the wormhole? How long could the wormhole sustain itself? He couldn't sit in the library for another minute. He needed answers now.

Rodney was so preoccupied with his thoughts as he made his way to Carter's office down the hall from the library that he neglected to announce his presence before opening her door.

His mind went blank once the door was open.

Dr. Carter was lying on her desk, a lamp on its side on the floor, and the gray-haired General between her legs. He held her wrists to the desk, and it was obvious to Rodney that he was forcing himself upon her.

"Hey!" he yelled, and before he could think about what he was doing, he moved across the room to pull at the general's shoulders, still clad in his sky-blue Air Force uniform. "Get off of her!"

The general stood, his hair disheveled, and he leapt toward McKay. McKay was slammed against a wall with the general's arm cutting off his air.

"You're fucking lucky Sheppard likes you. Mind your own business from now on!" He released his hold on McKay, straightened his hair and left the office.

McKay coughed, rubbed his throat and asked, "Are you alright?" to the too-beautiful-for-her-own-good doctor.

She was near tears as she attempted to smooth her own hair and straighten her wrinkled dress. "I'm fine. He's right, you should mind your own business."

"Listen, I know I'm the new guy, but that's no reason not to ask for help if you need it. Do you want to see a physician or something?"

"No, no. I'm fine. He didn't do anything." She was trying not to cry. "You don't know what it's like here. If you want to work here, you have to do whatever they want. Whatever it is."

"You deserve to be treated better than this. This is ridiculous." He offered a tissue from a box sitting on top of a cabinet.

"That's sweet of you. Take my advice; decide to either walk out of this place right now, or be prepared to sell your soul to the devil." She blew her nose.

"There must be something you can do. Someone you can tell who can put an end to this. How long has he been doing this?"

"It started right after I got here. O'Neill is a three star general, and if he wants me, there is no one in the world who can stop him. This is a joint private and military operation. The military has to tip-toe around whatever the general's people want."


McKay offered a token hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. "Sorry."

Rodney nodded. "S'alright."

"I need to clean up," she sniffled. "You should go back to your room, too."

"Yeah, right. If you ever need help . . ."

"That's sweet of you, but I don't think so. I'll be fine. I have been for the past eight years."

Rodney walked her to her room despite her protest before going to his room down the long hallway. He opened the door to find his lights already on and Colonel Sheppard standing by his bed. He was wearing only a black shirt, green pants, and boots and he held two glasses of bubbling champagne in his hands.

"It's about time," Sheppard drawled. "I almost went looking for you."

"What are you doing here?" Rodney's recent conversation with Carter and all the times Sheppard had looked at him were running through his head. He was nervous, but he was a guy. He could handle himself.

"I wanted to help you celebrate your new job."

"Listen," Rodney moved to take both champagne glasses out of the other man's hands and put them on the dresser. "I know what you are doing, and I am not interested. I am a very happily married man with two kids."

Sheppard took a step toward Rodney. "Two-hundred and eighty-seven people applied for this job, McKay. Fourteen were more qualified than you."

Rodney stepped back. "Thanks for the job, but I am not returning the favor with sex. I'm not that kind of person."

Sheppard picked up the glasses and put one in Rodney's hand, he sipped his own champagne thoughtfully. "I'll give you tonight and tomorrow to think about your kids, your citizenship, your marriage, and your career." He toasted the second glass in Rodney's hand. "Don't worry. I'm always gentle with first-timers." He quickly kissed Rodney on the cheek before leaving the room.

It was just as Carter had said; Rodney had to choose between sleeping with Colonel Sheppard or becoming a beggar in ice-capped Canada.

McKay lay awake in his bug-free bed for hours, weighing the pros and cons of giving the colonel what he wanted. He thought of Casta and Cleya getting vitamin shots for the rest of their lives at the disease control clinic because he couldn't make enough money to feed them properly.

If he was deported for refusing Sheppard, how would Katie handle living alone with two tiny, starved children?

It was only his body, right? The colonel could never take more than that from him. Rodney wondered if he could bring himself to tell Katie? What would she think when she found out?

No, he wouldn't tell her.

---

Dr. McKay spent the entire next day in the archive library reviewing the mission reports and re-learning astro-physical laws and principles.

Try as he might to concentrate on the scientific information before him, he couldn't stop his thoughts returning to Sheppard and the ultimatum he had given Rodney the night before.

Would he be expected to touch Sheppard?

Yes, of course he would. Rodney had never touched another man's penis before, except during his son's diaper changing.

Would he have to take Sheppard in his mouth? Even Katie wouldn't do that for Rodney, and she was his wife. God, he hoped Sheppard wouldn't fuck him.

Of course he would want to fuck him. That had to be what Sheppard was referring to when he said that he would be gentle.

Would he be cheating on Katie by acceding to Sheppard's demands? No, it wasn't cheating if he was being forced.

What did the colonel see in him anyway? Even Katie thought he was annoying. Rodney knew that he was certainly no fine physical specimen. His head stood on his thin body like a lolly-pop, his hair was thinning, and he constantly bit at his fingernails.

The lights in the library went out.

"Hey!" He shouted, and they came back on.

"Sorry. Didn't think anyone was still here." It was one of the cleaning crew.

Rodney stretched and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Quarter to ten. Listen, I have to lock this place up, so if you don't mind."

Jesus, Rodney realized that hadn't eaten anything all day! He'd spent the entire day in the library.

As he left the library and headed toward the elevator, he realized that his access card restricted him to the research level and the living quarters level, so he wouldn't be able to go to up to the mess to get himself something to eat. With a sigh he headed towards his room, which was just down the hall from the elevator. He could not avoid the airman standing guard in front of his door.

The airman approached him.

Great, I'm going to have a guard keeping me inside my room as the colonel has his way with me.

The airman spoke. "Sir, Colonel Sheppard would like me to inform you of the change in the status of your living quarters. You and the colonel will now be sharing the same room."

Rodney's heart sank. As long as he was working here, he would have to share himself with the colonel, would have to share the same bed.

His voice was shaking as he answered, "Where, um, I don't know where his room is."

The airman escorted him down the corridor. He knocked on the door with the colonel's name engraved on it.

Sheppard opened the door. "Thanks, Henderson. You are free to go."

The airman saluted and left.

Sheppard stepped back, holding the door open. "Come on in. I wasn't expecting you for a few more hours. Figured you'd hold up in a dark corner until I'd have to go looking for you."

"Maintenance threw me out." Rodney hated how his voice sounded so meek and helpless. He stepped inside the room.

As before, Sheppard had two glasses of wine, one of which he proffered to Rodney.

Rodney took it.

As before, Sheppard had two glasses of wine and proffered one to Rodney.

Rodney took it. He took a deep breath before saying, "I don't think you understand how hard this is for me. I love my wife very much. What you are doing is forced prostitution. You're making me choose between letting my wife and kids starve or having gay sex with you."

Sheppard made his way to the door and placed his hand on the knob. "You are free to leave anytime you want," he said. "On your way home, though, be careful about which truck driver you hitch with. They know a penniless Maple won't be missed by the authorities."

McKay looked deeply into his glass of wine, his mind desperately searching for something to say to convince Sheppard to leave him alone. "I, um, can't drink without food. I get sick."

Sheppard had moved away from the door and was now standing beside Rodney. "Do you like strawberries?" he asked.

"Sure." Rodney had never had strawberries except for when they grew wild in a childhood friend's backyard in Canada. That was before the war and the nuclear winter.

Sheppard produced a tray of red berries, which had been waiting on the dress, and were now shining in the bedside lamplight. Rodney took a strawberry and sat on the farthest end of the bed from Sheppard near the pillow.

Sheppard grinned. "You're so cute when you're nervous. You stop babbling and moaning. Your forehead has a cute little wrinkle."

Rodney chewed furiously. Strawberries were good. He took a handful and shoved them in his mouth.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "Like strawberries that much?"

"Haven't ad any fing to eat taday."

Sheppard made his way to McKay's side, and Rodney stiffened as Sheppard began to run his hands over his shoulders.

"You know, this would go much easier for you, if you just accept things. Just let it happen."

Rodney cringed. "I've never been with a guy, and I really don't like you."

Sheppard began to laugh. "That's another thing I like about you. No matter how nervous you get, you always have a witty comeback."

Rodney squirmed at Sheppard's touch. "I'm serious. You are a horrible person. I wish the knife slipped when they circumcised you. I'd be much better off now. How many other guys have you put in my position?"

Sheppard huffed an amused breath. "Drink your wine before you say something you really mean."

Rodney did as he was told, and drank the entire contents of the glass. He'd never had wine in his whole life. It was sweet and bitter at the same time, and he would have asked for more if Sheppard wasn't sucking at his neck.

He suddenly recalled his cat holding a mouse under its paw and licking its dead body before devouring it.

He was completely at the mercy of the sex addict, Colonel Sheppard.

Sheppard moved the glasses and strawberries to the bedside table without leaving McKay's neck.

Rodney's hand clutched the bedspread.

Sheppard's hands began to roam under Rodney's shirt.

Rodney felt so ashamed and sick. How could he let the man do this?

Fingers pinched his right nipple, he squeaked, and Sheppard blew a quiet "Shhh" in his ear.

Shivers ran across Rodney's whole body. Pretend it's Katie. Pretend it's Katie. Katie-Katie-Katie!

"Just relax, and let it happen," Sheppard whispered in his ear. A finger fondled Rodney's belly button.

Rodney's face was on fire with the intensity of his blush.

Sheppard unbuttoned Rodney's shirt and pulled it off his shoulders.

"Can we turn out the lamp?" Rodney murmured.

"I want to be able to see you." Sheppard pulled his black t-shirt over his head. Now lay down."

Rodney was chilly without his shirt, and the rough military issue bedspread made his flesh prickle.

Sheppard rummaged through the bedside table drawers. He set a clear bottle of something called "Slick Man" on the bed next to Rodney.

The wine began to kick in, and Rodney's vision started to swirl. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Katie in the room with him, telling him that everything would be alright.

He felt Sheppard spreading his legs by pressing his knees apart. Then Sheppard laid his body over Rodney's.

Rodney's hands squeezed tightly on the bedspread. He could feel the other man's erect penis on his crotch. He started to shake and hyperventilate.

Sheppard put his lips to Rodney's left ear. "What are you thinking about?"

"M-my wife."

"Cute, but what are you really thinking about? My penis between your legs? My chest on yours? My breath in your ears?"

"My wife's name is Kathryn Brown. We got married at a tiny Baptist church in Seattle. We're not Baptist, but that church was the only one willing to marry Canadians." Rodney had read somewhere that talking about yourself to your captor would make them feel sorry for you, and they would let you go. "She kept her last name because the US doesn't recognize marriages between US citizens and immigrants."

Sheppard stopped sucking on Rodney's earlobe. "Not exactly the sexist dirty talk I've ever heard."

It was working!

"Six months later, my daughter was born. Katie was in labor for three hours, and the midwife - "

Sheppard's finger on his lips stopped him. "Have you thought about real-estate options for when you move them out here? You've got two kids, right? You'll need a big yard. And schools. You'll want them to live in a good school district."

Rodney's mouth was agape. Sheppard gently kissed Rodney's lips. "Do you prefer foothills or mountains? Foothills are better in the winter." He kissed him again and pressed his body against Rodney's.

"The kids will need a pet. How about a German Shepard?"

Rodney flinched at the reasonable sound of Sheppard's tone. "Stop! Leave my family out of this."

"Hey, you were the one who brought them up."

Now Rodney was mad. He tried pushing at Sheppard's shoulders to get him away, but Sheppard the soldier was much stronger and heavier.

"Kiss me, and I'll stop talking about them." He grabbed Rodney's wrists and held them above his head, using his weight to pin Rodney. "You can take them to the zoo every weekend. They can ride the elephants and the camels."

Rodney was panting with anger at his inability to move Sheppard off him, and he pecked Sheppard's lips with his own.

"A real kiss," Sheppard admonished. "Your little girl can have riding lessons on a pony named Butterscotch."

Rodney growled and pressed his lips to Sheppard's again. Sheppard's tongue slid over his lips, seeking access to Rodney's mouth.

Sheppard rocked his hips against Rodney's. Rodney tried to ignore the hard penis rubbing at his own through both men's pants.

Rodney let Sheppard stick his tongue in his mouth. He thought how easily he could bite the slimy cold thing, and have this whole thing be over with.

While keeping his left hand on both of McKay's wrists, Sheppard brushed his fingers through Rodney's lightly furred chest. His hand moved down his stomach and to his pants.

Panic flooded Rodney's mind as his pants became loose. He pulled his lips away from Sheppard's. "No, no, wait please!" His heart was racing so fast, he thought it might beat out of his chest. "I don't want to do that. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to take my pants off. Please don't make me do that!" His hands, already loosing circulation, struggled against Sheppard's hold.

"Sorry, it's a bit of a packaged deal. I get to have all of you."

"No, no, no, wait. Let me use my mouth. I can do that, let me use my mouth on you." Rodney could feel Sheppard's penis twitch on his inner thigh despite the pants and Sheppard's hand.

"Soon enough, but I want all of you." He stroked Rodney's penis through Rodney's briefs.

Katie! Katie! Katie!

Sheppard's fingers delved behind the loose, worn elastic and took hold of his flaccid penis. Rodney whimpered as if the act caused him physical pain. Sheppard released his hold on Rodney's wrists and pulled at Rodney's pants and briefs, removing the worn shoes and holed-socks in the process. He retook his position on top of Rodney's body.

Rodney's eyes were squeezed shut and his body ridged.

"You have no idea how much I want to turn you onto your stomach and take you hard and dry," Sheppard hissed. His penis twitched again against Rodney. "Open your mouth," the colonel commanded.

Rodney hesitated but did so. Sheppard plundered Rodney's mouth, mimicking what his penis demanded. His tongue dove deep and hard and took no consideration for Rodney's ability to breathe.

Rodney squirmed. He pushed with all his strength against Sheppard's shoulders again, but it did little to hinder his tongue. In fact, it seemed to encourage Sheppard even more, and he began to thrust his hips hard between Rodney's legs.

Rodney couldn't breathe! Couldn't get enough air. He was being smothered. He tore his lips from Sheppard's and panted.

But Sheppard held Rodney's face and jaw with one hand and continued to molest Rodney's mouth with his tongue.

Rodney was panicking. He couldn't breathe! Sheppard's weight was on his chest, and he could not breathe! He pounded and tried to scratch with his non-existent fingernails. He moaned and screamed into Sheppard's mouth.

Sheppard grabbed and held an errant wrist and pinned it to the bed. He too moaned into Rodney's mouth. He thrust hard against Rodney.

Rodney's legs flailed and kicked at Sheppard's legs awkwardly, desperate for air, but that only caused more friction between their bodies.

Moments before Rodney thought he would pass out, Sheppard released his mouth. He sucked at Rodney's lower lip while Rodney gasped for air. Tears were streaming down Rodney's face.

Sheppard moved down, sucking and nipping at Rodney's stubbly throat. He brushed his lips down the center of Rodney's chest. His teeth and tongue fondled a hard nipple.

Rodney was horrified to feel his member stir.

Sheppard's hand reached between them and lightly fingered Rodney's growing member, far more gentle than he had been to Rodney's lips. "I want to see you hard."

The pleasant stirring in Rodney's penis also caused his stomach to coil and ache. How could he be enjoying this? He was letting the colonel pleasure him.

Sheppard squeezed Rodney's testicles and Rodney's back arched, trying to get away, trying to get closer.

Sheppard stroked from the base of his member to the tip, slowly. He did it a second time, squeezing as he approached the tip.

Then Sheppard stood, leaving Rodney completely naked with a half-hard cock, pink in the lamp light. He removed his pants and boots and reached for the bottle of "Slick Man". He also took a large strawberry and put it in Rodney's mouth. Settling again between Rodney's legs, Sheppard moved Rodney's knees up and squeezed the contents of the bottle onto his fingers.

"It's important that you keep your muscles relaxed."

Rodney chewed furiously. He wanted to scream.

Sheppard caressed behind Rodney's testicles and brushed the pucker of his sphincter.

"Please, I'm not ready! I can't do this! I'm not that kind of person."

"Close your eyes and think of Canada." Sheppard chuckled. The sensation of Sheppard's finger in his ass was just as humiliating, embarrassing, and uncomfortable as the security check and medical exam when he had arrived, but Sheppard's finger also foreshadowed the far more painful fuck for which Sheppard was preparing him. Judging from the size of Sheppard, Rodney would be in intense agony while Sheppard force himself inside.

He tried to avert his gaze from Sheppard's hard member bobbing between his legs, but he just couldn't take his eyes off of it.

Items intended for the inbox should not be going in the outbox, a voice in his head mused.

Rodney squeezed his internal muscles and tried to resisted, but that only increased the slimy sensations of the finger moving in and out. His bent legs, opened to the colonel, shook and trembled. His fists worried at the bedspread. "Please, I don't want to do this."

"Back out now, and you loose it all. You come this far. Just finish it."

A second finger joined the first, forcing Rodney's muscles to stretch.

Rodney clenched his teeth and reached for a pillow. If he was going to do this, the least he could do was hide his face. He held it over his eyes leaving just enough room to breathe.

"Shh." Sheppard crooned. "Just relax." More cold, slimy fluid was added to the fingers. They probed and dug, and pressed, and hooked, and --

"Ahh!" A sickening spark of heat and pleasure radiated from his stomach to his genitals and back up his spine, and to his fingers and toes.

"There it is."

Rodney moaned and sighed in frustration into his pillow. The sounds intensified Sheppard's desires. Rodney knew enough from the previous medical exam to realize that Sheppard was stimulating his prostate. The fingers worked his sphincter, and probed, and twisted. Rodney waited in anticipation of the next hit of his prostate. He steeled himself. Waited, but Sheppard didn't hit it again.

Instead he waited until Rodney let his guard down, the muscles fatigued from contracting for so long. Then he forced three fingers deep inside Rodney and pressed and fondled the bundle of nerves inside.

Rodney growled and bucked. "You bastard!"

Sheppard did not stop. He pressed harder, and reveled in the screams and growls. Rodney squeezed and bucked in a terrible combination of pain, forced pleasure, and frustration. The tip of his penis leaked a drop of pre-ejaculate.

"Just relax, baby. Just relax and let me take care of you." The fingers disappeared.

God, this was happening too fast. Hadn't he just come in the room? How did he let this man take him so far? He dropped the pillow. "No! No, I won't do this. Leave me alone!" He pushed at his shoulders again and and tried to squirm away.

Sheppard held him fast. "Shh. Relax, baby, relax." He squeezed at Rodney's wrists. "Stop fighting this. I'm going to make this so good for you."

Rodney stopped squirming. "I don't want to have sex with you. This is me saying no."

"Listen to me. Hold still and listen. You are going to have everything you have dreamed of having." He could see the wheels spinning behind Rodney's frightened eyes. "I know that you want these things I am offering you and your family. Hold still Rodney. I also know that you can't just let me do this, that you have to fight me. I know that. So just fight me, and tell yourself that you did everything you could to stop me, but his is going to happen. Now relax, baby." He readjusted Rodney's thin thighs. "Think about your wife. Can you see her face?"

Rodney's head nodded slowly.

He released Rodney's hands. "Good. Look at her face and take a deep breathe. Close your eyes for me, baby. Close your eyes."

Rodney felt him positioning his cock at his asshole. He held onto Sheppard's shoulders.

"Deep breath," and Sheppard pushed inside.

Rodney gave out an embarrassing squeal. He dug his face into the crook of Sheppard's neck. Another push and Rodney made a choking sob. "Naaa, it hurts!"

"Relax your muscles." He pushed all the way in and held the back of Rodney's knees. Rodney's thighs trembled around Sheppard's waist. He rocked his hips, bringing him in and out of Rodney's ass. The muscles spasmed around Sheppard's penis.

Rodney instinctively bit his neck to get him to stop, but he went faster. Sheppard reveled in the small cries and moans Rodney made.

"Stop, stop, I need more lubricant. Na . . . Colonel!" Sheppard thrust harder.

Rodney was on fire. His genitals were being pinned and crushed under Sheppard, and his ass had a big, fat penis ramming into it. It hurt so much!

The burning gave way to something wet at last. Sheppard slid in and out with ease. Rodney held on for the ride.

Rodney felt Sheppard take his hand and squeeze his own member.

Understanding that Sheppard was trying to make the experience last longer, he pleaded, "Mmm, please just finish."

Sheppard thrust again and held Rodney's member between them. Rodney fought the hand with his own, not ever wanting to be touched there by the colonel.

Sheppard thrust fast and faster, sucked and licked Rodney's lips before sucking on Rodney's collarbone. He growled, bit down hard, and shuddered into Rodney.

He did not immediately pull out of Rodney. He let his full weight rest on Rodney's body, his hand still holding onto Rodney's uninterested member.

Rodney was shaking. It was over. It was over. But damn it, it hurt. Sheppard was heavy. Finally, Sheppard's cock slipped out of him, but Rodney could still feel the ghost of Sheppard thrusting inside. He allowed his thighs to relax and fall back to the bed.

He was really wet between his legs and on his back, and Sheppard must have used more lubrication than he thought. Every bit of Rodney's energy reserves was gone, and he was so sleepy.

Then suddenly he was throwing up. Sheppard was holding a trashcan to his face as wine and strawberries shot out of his mouth.

"Get in the bathroom."

Rodney tried to stand, but something was between his legs, confusing him. Sheppard removed it, and Rodney noticed that it was red. He limped and hobbled into the bathroom with Sheppard's help.

Sheppard guided him into the shower and turned the faucet on full blast. Rodney heaved, but nothing else came up. His legs were shaking, and they couldn't support his weight any longer. He sat on the shower floor and cried. There was red all over his legs.

He rinsed his mouth out in the falling water.

After sometime, he had enough energy to clean off the blood. He was careful around his sore anus. He would have remained in the warm shower for the rest of the night if Sheppard had not come back and returned him to the bed.

He realized that the red towel that was between his legs was a white towel covered in blood. Sheppard must have put it between and under his legs while he was passed out.

He slept next to Sheppard fitfully, always waking up realizing that he had just been fucked away from home, away from his family.

Rodney was so sore. His ass was on fire, and he could feel the bruises on his legs already forming. The muscles in his thighs twinged.

Sheppard turned on the bedside lamp and rolled out of the bed.

"I'll have Henderson set you up with some new clothes," he said.

Rodney feigned sleep in the musty bed while Sheppard went into his personal bathroom. Rodney still tasted bile in his throat.

As he drifted between sleep and consciousness, he dreamed about holding his wife close to him for her warmth. Flea-ridden blankets, the cat purring and digging its claws into his thigh, and Cleya already up and talking to Casta in the crib. His revelry was cut short.

"Wakey, wakey!" Sheppard toweled his hair and nudged Rodney.

"Grab a shower. Today I want you to wear my clothes. It'll help you look less like a geeky scientist. Henderson will help you today with getting situated. There's aspirin in the bathroom. Take it easy and study the archives. Carter wants you to be able to work in the labs by Thursday."

Sheppard dressed himself and kissed Rodney on the lips.

"I'll see you for dinner in the mess at seven." It wasn't a request.

When Sheppard left, Rodney felt comfortable enough to leave the safety of the blankets. The bathroom was larger than he remembered from last night. Sheppard had a Jacuzzi as well as a shower.

Rodney had tried to clean off the blood as best he could last night, but the shower tiles soon turned a light crimson under the spray. It was unnerving to say the least to be bleeding from such an intimate orifice. He sobbed as he washed himself in the luxuriously hot water, letting the tears mix with the blood.

The towel was soft and warm. He found the aspirin in the cabinet above the sink. There was also a razor, shaving cream, bandages, "Aqua Velva", gauze, alcohol, Q-tips, spermicide, condoms, cotton balls, Viagra, another bottle of "Slick Man", Chap Stick, lotion, toothpaste, and two toothbrushes.

Such extravagances seemed so hollow at the price of his freedom. He shaved and put alcohol on his anus with a cotton ball. He worried that he would begin bleeding again while wearing Sheppard's shorts, so he packed cotton balls and toilet paper between his crack hoping it was enough to catch the blood.

He found a set of Sheppard's clothes and dressed slowly. The boots were far more comfortable than his old shoes, but the green BDU jacket was too big, and it made him feel like a child wearing his father's clothes. The jacket smelled like laundry soap and Sheppard.

Rodney found an extra set of sheets in the closet and thought it a good idea to change the bed. There was blood and semen smeared between the sheets. He was embarrassed at the thought of taking them to the laundry.

He wrapped the bottom sheet and the bloody towel in a tight bundle inside the top sheet and remade the bed. He went back into the bathroom and brushed his teeth with the new toothbrush still in its wrapper.

There was a knock at the door.

Rodney spit and went back to the main room. "Who is it?"

"Henderson, sir. I am to escort you to the mess."

Rodney opened the door. "Um, hi, um. . . I have some laundry to take care of. Um, is there like a Laundromat here or something?"

"Sir, the Colonel's room is cleaned daily by the maintenance staff. If you will come with me, sir?"

Great, Rodney thought, so the whole cleaning crew will know what Sheppard did to me. They walked to the elevator.

"Have you eaten?" Rodney asked the airman.

"Yes, sir."

Rodney was not going to get much out of him.

Do you know what he did to me last night?! Rodney shouted in his mind. The elevator door opened, and they started out.

"Please, slow down a bit," Rodney said meekly.

The airman slowed.

I was raped!

Rodney scanned the mess hall and saw no one familiar. The thought of sitting made him ache. He got in line and grabbed an apple and a cup of coffee. He went back to the airman.

"I'll eat in the library."

"Sir, I am taking you to the supply room first."

"Okay. You don't have to call me sir."

"Yes, sir, I do."

"Oh," said Rodney as they walked into the elevator again. He dropped the apple into the leg pocket of Sheppard's pants.

"The quartermaster is not available to assist you, but the Colonel has allocated three sets of clothes and one pair of boots to you."

They slowly walked to a door labeled "Supplies".

"Sir, the supply room is shared with the archeological storage area. Do not touch anything that is not clothing."

The airman opened the door, and then closed it behind Rodney after he stepped inside. The room smelled terribly of cigarette smoke.

"Who's there! No one is allowed in here without my permission! Get out!" The voice came from behind a high shelf of black boots.

"Um, I-I'm new. The airman guy said that the quartermaster wasn't here. He told me to get clothes. Sorry, I didn't know."

"You American?"

"Canadian."

"Leave the lad alone, Radek," came a soft second voice.

The two men revealed themselves. One was thin, long-haired, unshaven, and wore glasses. The other man had a dark, neatly trimmed beard, and short hair.

"I'm Dr. Beckett and this is Dr. Zelenka." He offered Rodney a cigarette.

Rodney turned it down, and Zelenka took it instead.

"What are you in for?" asked Zelenka.

"In for?"

"Why did they take you away from Canada? Did you publish something they liked?" Zelenka lit the cigarette and inhaled it deeply.

"It wasn't like that. They offered to fly me down for an interview, and I got the job. I'm not sure what the job is exactly, but I'm an astrophysicist."

The two men looked at each other. "They must be trying to find a way to the other 'gates," said Zelenka.

"'Gates as in more than two?" Rodney asked.

"He's an astrophysicist as well. I'm an MD." The bearded man replied.

Rodney noted the avoidance of his question.

The man continued, "He had a theory on black holes that they liked and lured him out of Prague with promises of a research grant. I was cloning sheep in a lab in Edinburgh until I found a mutation in the human genome. I had no idea it was important until the Americans discovered it and asked me to do some humanitarian aid."

"Sure, make it sound like you didn't come here for the money like the rest of us."

Zelenka motioned to Rodney.

"Join us. We're discussing the finer categories of European cuisine." He led them back to the corner of the supply room. "Pull up a box."

Rodney balked at the invitation. "I have to go with the airman outside. He's waiting for me."

Beckett said, "I'll tell 'im to bugger off," and went to the door.

"Where in Canada do you come from?" Zelenka asked.

"Originally from a small suburb outside of Vancouver."

"Isn't that where they have the freezing summers?"

"Yeah, after the fallout from the Korwitz bomb. But I've been in Washington state for the past six years. My wife's American, and we taught at the university there."

Just standing was beginning to be almost unbearable for Rodney. He doubted how much longer he could carry on the conversation.

Beckett was back. "Have a seat, lad."

"I'd prefer to stand for now." He'd probably start crying if he sat down.

"Did they tell you that there were hundreds of other candidates for your position?" asked Zelenka.

"Um, yeah."

"That's a game of theirs. Make you think you're replaceable. Take it from us; you are more valuable than they say. If you're here, you're one of the smartest people in your field."

"After you, of course," joked Beckett.

"Naturally," Zelenka replied.

Rodney was confused and he really did not need to think how it had not been necessary to submit to Sheppard last night.

"I should probably get back to the archives."

"Right. I'll help you find what you're looking for," offered Beckett. "Radek, you should probably get the measurements for the Ancient mirror and get back to the lab."

Beckett loaded Rodney's arms with blue, green, and black pants and jackets, three black t-shirts, three pairs of black socks, three pairs of underwear, and a pair of black boots.

"Never wear your pants tucked into your boots unless you're off-world," he advised. "That way people can tell you apart from the soldiers, not that there's much risk of that happening. You look half starved."

Rodney shrugged. "Not much to go around when you're not American."

"Ach. We'll get you fattened up in no time. Why don't ye undress and try the pants on back behind that shelf before you take them."

Beckett saw the panic cross Rodney's face. He whispered, "Are you hurt?"

Rodney felt shame and panic rise in him. "I-I should get this stuff back to the room."

"Is it Sheppard?"

Again, Rodney didn't answer.

"Aye, ye look his type, right enough. Listen, you're not the only one who goes through this kinda thing at this place. After the war, I suppose people began to loose respect for each other."

Rodney clutched the clothes to his chest. "I'm, um, god . . . How do I say this?"

"Take your time," Beckett said encouragingly.

"I am, um. I'm still blee-" Rodney's voice cracked. "Bleeding." He hid his face behind the shirts and sobbed silently.

"Okay. I'm going to take you to the infirmary. Radek can have your new clothes sent over. Set them down here. Alright, let's take it slowly now, one wee step at a time."

Rodney felt safe and protected by the Scot's voice. He never would have agreed to go with the stranger if he weren't in so much pain and if Beckett weren't so kind. He walked gingerly into the infirmary and into a secluded examining room with four beds.

"I want to go to the bathroom first," he told the doctor.

"That's fine." Beckett showed him a bed. "Come and sit down here when you're ready."

Rodney took the red-stained cotton balls out of the underwear and flushed them down the infirmary's toilet.

Beckett was setting a gown on the bed when Rodney returned. He pulled the curtains closed around the bed. "Right, you get changed into this, and I'll go and get things ready."

"I've never had to do this." Rodney needed to say something, but what he said sounded so hollow.

"Aye, well I've done it more than I'd like to admit," Beckett responded. "Look, I'll be as gentle and quick as I can, all right?" And with that he went outside the curtain.

Rodney undressed and put on the examining gown. He slid under the blanket on the bed.

"Okay," he called.

He wasn't sure he had said it loud enough, but Beckett opened the curtain, holding metal stirrups. He attached them to the bed before leaving and returning with a tray of medical equipment.

Rodney's heart was pounding. Beckett put latex gloves over his hands with a loud snap. This shouldn't be happening to him!

Beckett squeezed his hand. "You'll be fine. Open your mouth for me." A penlight was flashed into his mouth.

"Did he use your mouth?"

"No."

"Your throat is irritated."

"I threw up."

"Are you still feeling any nausea?"

"Not really. Loss of appetite, though."

"That's not uncommon. Is this bruising on your wrists causing you any discomfort?"

"Some."

Beckett adjusted the gown and looked down Rodney's back and then his front.

"I'll give you some cream for the bite mark. Those tend to heal slowly. Okay, scoot yourself down the bed as far as you can. A wee bit more. . . bit more. Good."

Rodney felt like he was going to fall off the bed. Beckett guided Rodney's feet into the stirrups.

"Right Rodney, take deep calming breaths for me now." He pulled the blanket up a bit and adjusted a lamp between Rodney's legs. Rodney felt more exposed at that moment than when he was naked in front of Sheppard.

He kept hearing Sheppard's voice telling him to "breathe" and asking "does it feel good when I touch you here?"

"Did you assist him?" Beckett asked. "Adjust your body to his movements?"

"He held my legs around him."

"So you were on your back then?" Beckett queried.

"Mm-hum."

"Aye, I can see those bruises on your legs. They should heal without any problems. Right Rodney, I'm going to start working between your legs now."

Rodney felt wet gauze cleaning him.

"Did you clean this with anything?" Beckett asked him.

"In the shower. Then I- ahhh, ow!"

"Sorry."

"Um. . . I used some alcohol. But it keeps bleeding."

Becket clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Aye, you shouldn't have been walking so much. Did he use any lubrication?"

"Yeah. A kind of oily stuff."

"Good. Okay, this is the hard bit. Take a few big, deep breaths for me. Good."

A finger went in and Rodney screamed.

"I know, I know. It's not nice," It hurt worse than with Sheppard.

"But I need to feel if anything's been torn. Okay. . .there you go, I'm finished now. You're going to need a few stitches. I'll give you a wee injection to numb the area first."

Rodney was trembling as he waited.

"Okay Rodney, there's just a wee prick coming now," Beckett said as the needle went into Rodney's skin.

"Ow!" Beckett put the blanket over Rodney's legs.

"It'll take about fifteen minutes to work. Have you had any breakfast?" He swiveled his stool to Rodney's side.

"A sip of coffee. I have an apple in my pocket."

"When we're done, I'll give you a list of foods you can eat. No coffee or fruit at the moment. You'll have to stick to mostly broth. I'm going to inform Sheppard that you are off limits for two weeks. You are not to have intercourse for a minimum of five days. Use the antibacterial cream I'm going to give you three times a day. I'm also going to give you a cushion for sitting, as well as this." He held a clear tube. "Don't use this until after the five days. This is lubricant, and I want you to keep it applied to you at all times. Sheppard is not going to wait the full two weeks, nor is he going to worry about preparing you. He won't tell you when he wants you and he won't ask. Let me know when it runs out. Look, I know this isn't a pleasant idea for you, but the more you keep him occupied with your mouth, the less he'll want to use your backside. It'd also be easier on you, and him actually, performing anal intercourse with you on your hands and knees and him behind you."

Rodney couldn't believe a doctor was actually suggesting these disgusting things. Rodney sighed in defeat.

"What about diseases? We didn't use anything. Am I going to give something to my wife?"

"No. Everyone at the base is screened and cleaned. She has nothing to worry about except taking it slow with you."

"Why me? Why does he do these disgusting things?"

Beckett moved back between Rodney's legs, pushing the blanket up again. "Ach, who knows? Maybe he wasn't nursed long enough as a babe, but they're all like that here. Kowalski, Jackson, Lorne, Carter."

Beckett touched Rodney, "Do you feel this?"

Rodney shook his head. "Carter?" he asked.

"Aye, she's one ah the worst."

"I don't believe you. O'Neill is hurting her, too."

Rodney could feel ghostly movement as Beckett worked.

"Fancy her, do ye? Aye, well, she is beautiful and charming. Remember what Radek was telling ye earlier? They play mind games. They're all a load of conniving, malicious fucks."

Rodney's mind revolted at this additional information, "I don't want to hear any more about it."

"Right, well at least remember this much, don't trust Americans. All right, ye've about four stitches. They'll need removed on Monday. Try not to get them wet in the meantime. Flush the area with alcohol after you do your business and come straight to the infirmary if they rip."

Beckett pulled the blankets back over Rodney's legs. He took off his gloves and lit a cigarette.

"Am I done?" Rodney asked.

"Aye, you are." Beckett stepped outside the curtains.

Rodney dressed quickly but gently, adjusting to the numbness. Beckett was making him so confused. He knew what he had seen in Carter's office. No one pretends something like that, but Rodney wanted to trust Beckett.

Beckett sent Rodney off to the library with a goody-bag of rape remedies.

He finished with the science journals and moved onto the mission reports. Rodney was trying to understand how people could be so cruel. Kavanagh was a conniving bastard, but he had a reason. These people seemed cruel for the sake of being cruel.

The first mission report dating back to 1994 described how the then Colonel O'Neill led Dr. Jackson, an Egyptologist, Lieutenant Kowalski, and other soldiers to the planet, Abydos. The human natives of the planet helped the explorers to defeat the overlord, Ra. Instead of leaving the planet in peace, the team replaced the overlord and returned to Earth with the princess and prince who were held as ransom for the naquadah mineral.

It would have been easy to extract all of the mineral with mining equipment from Earth, but they left the natives to continue as they had mined for Ra. It wasn't economic and it wasn't productive, unless the goal of Stargate Command was senseless slavery.

Dr. Samantha Carter was soon sequestered from NASA to assist Dr. Jackson in studying the alien mineral and technologies. She hardly advanced the program beyond what Jackson had achieved. Her major contributions to the program were her naquadah generators, which Stargate Command sold back to the military and Skunkworks.

Jackson was the liaison to the people of Abydos and commanded the king to produce more naquadah when it was required. Kowalski's role was unclear from the records, but he traveled back and forth to the planet on a regular basis.

Rodney noticed his stomach rumbling, but he did not find a clock in the room. He procrastinated in returning to the mess hall because he was afraid to eat with his wound, and he did not want to run into Sheppard, Beckett, or Zelenka. This was his second day without eating, but he had gone much longer without food when the kids had pneumonia and needed medicine. That didn't make his hunger any less uncomfortable. There was no way to judge the time in the sunless, underground library, but it had to be after lunch time.

He studied the list of foods that Dr. Beckett had given him that morning. The thought of having to return to Beckett's exam bed was more painful than the twinges of his stomach. He resigned to stay in the library.

He was so tired. He just needed to rest his eyes, and he allowed his head to fall to the desk.

---

"Sir?" It was Henderson.

"Huh? What?" Rodney wiped the drool from his check.

"Sir, it is after seven. Colonel Sheppard is waiting for you in the mess."

"Oh, shit!" The airman led him to the mess hall. He saw Sheppard sitting across from another officer.

"Glad you decided to join us, McKay. Get your food and sit." Sheppard's voice felt like fingernails on a chalkboard, and it made him physically ill.

Thank god, chicken soup was on the menu. He filled a bowl, procrastinated while finding the appropriate soup spoon and napkin, and grudgingly returned to the chair next to the colonel. Just the smell of the man reminded him of the last night, the pain, the intrusion.

"And it really only got to be this big," Sheppard gestured. The man across from Sheppard chuckled. "McKay, this is Kowalski. Kowalski, McKay."

The man looked at him up and down, like a piece of meat. It made Rodney's stomach turn. He stated the appropriate pleasantries despite that. "Nice to meet you. I thought you were on Abydos."

"Boy, he hasn't been here long has he?"

"That's what I like about 'em. Spunk."

"Jesus, John, he looks like a scarecrow. Are you starving him?"

"Na, he came that way."

Rodney tried to ignore their discussion and sipped his broth.

"Circumcised?"

"He's Canadian. I'll fix that, though."

Rodney choked. Sheppard patted his back. Rodney flinched. Don't want to be touched! "Careful. Take a sip of water." Rodney drank from Sheppard's glass.

"Don't I get a say in that?!"

"Oh, come on. You'll love it."

"I'm not going to agree to this. It's my body-" Sheppard interrupted.

"I'll have it done soon because the doc has told me I took him too hard last night. Had to get stitches."

"Oh, nice! I can't remember the last time I took Skari that hard."

Rodney couldn't take it anymore. He stood. "I'm going back to the room." Sheppard gave no protest. Rodney was thankful for the time alone. In the room, he relieved his bladder, brushed his teeth, and washed his face. It wasn't long before Sheppard joined him in the bathroom. "You're not going to circumcise me."

"Your wife will love it. Tell her it's an anniversary present or something." He began to brush his teeth.

Fuck, he'd have to explain it to Katie! "I'm serious, I won't--"

"I've made an appointment for you tomorrow with Beckett, and that is the end of it. The sooner you're healed, the sooner we can go house hunting."

"I can't afford a house. Even at $160,000, the price of a house is way out of my-"

"You're not paying for it."

"You mean-"

"Yes, you have your circumcision, and I'll buy you a house. Strip and get into bed."

Rodney complied and hid under the fresh blankets. He was torn between the elation of having a house of his very own and having his manly bits mutilated. Sheppard, naked, sat next to him in the bed. "Damn, you are skinny. What did you eat today?"

"An apple and a bowl of soup." It wasn't the whole truth but close enough.

"Are you anorexic?"

"What? No, I just - I'm not used to eating that much. Dr. Beckett told you that I can't have sex with you for two weeks, right?"

"Beckett always exaggerates, but no, I'm not going to fuck you tonight, but I am going to teach you how to give head. You've gotta eat something first, though. You look like you're going to pass out." He picked up the phone. "Do you like chicken or beef?"

"What? I don't care."

"Kitchen. Right, this is Sheppard. Send two gallons of chicken broth to my room. Yes, I said two gallons. Make it five minutes or you can answer to Kowalski."

"Two gallons of broth? Who are you expecting to eat all of that?"

"I know Beckett's put you on a diet, but you need to put on a lot of weight if we are going to use you on missions."

"Yeah, but two gallons? I lost my appetite when you started talking about removing part of my anatomy."

"Tonight will be the last night you'll have your foreskin. Appreciate it while you can." Sheppard pulled the blankets off of Rodney. "Now pay close attention." He took Rodney's knees and pulled Rodney onto his back.

Sheppard was squeezing the bruises under his knees, the same ones he created last night. "Ow! No, no, no! You don't have to - I don't want to - don't put your mouth there!"

Sheppard licked Rodney's flaccid penis. It felt wet and disgusting. He sat up and kissed Rodney. "You swallow everything I give you, got that?"

Rodney wanted to be anywhere other than in that room, in that bed. "Fine." He felt sickening heat in his loins as Sheppard sucked him into his mouth. Sheppard's stubble scratched his thighs.

There was a knock at the door.

Sheppard sat up again and Rodney's half erection slide out with a slurping pop. "Don't you dare hide that boner."

Rodney looked away from the door, at least hiding his face, while Sheppard, naked, took the broth from the cook. The broth was contained in two hot plastic jugs. "Sit up," he commanded. He set the jugs in front of Rodney and he nestled himself behind Rodney. "Get started."

"I can't drink two gallons."

"I won't ask again." He reached around Rodney and began stroking his penis. Rodney wanted to take the hand and throw it across the room. He resisted the urge and removed the cap from the first gallon. It was warm and tasted wonderful. He drank greedily until he finished the first half.

Sheppard stroked Rodney's writhing throat with his free hand. "Keep it up," he said as he stroked him. He captured an errand drop from Rodney's chin with his thumb. He brought it to Rodney's lip and indicated that he should suck it off of Sheppard's finger. Rodney resisted. "Suck it off. I told you to swallow everything I give you." Rodney was too tired to fight and he sucked it off. "Come on, finish off the broth." Rodney's stomach began to swell.

"It's hurting my stomach. I can't drink anymore." Sheppard took the jug from Rodney and poured it down his throat. All he could do was swallow.

"Good job." He picked up the second jug and held it to Rodney's mouth. "Finish all of it."

He choked. "Give me five minutes, please." He felt like he was going to burst.

"We need to stretch out that little stomach of yours. Just get through this gallon and you'll be all done. Come on." He brought the jug back to his mouth and stroked his penis. Rodney couldn't help but notice how the warm liquid in his intestines was making him more aroused. He tilted his head away from the jug. "Just a minute, please."

Sheppard allowed him the break and moved his fingers to Rodney's testicles. Rodney gave into the sensations and leaned into Sheppard. Sheppard's mouth sucked on his neck, and for the moment, Rodney allowed himself to relax into the sensations. "Just a quarter left, Rodney. You're almost done." Rodney couldn't drink a drop more, but Sheppard tipped the jug and poured more broth down his mouth. "Swollow. Almost done. Keep going." The more Sheppard encouraged him, the faster he stroked his penis. Rodney was throbbing. He swallowed, swallowed, swallowed.

"Good job!" Sheppard caught the last drops of broth on Rodney's chin again and put it back into Rodney's mouth. "So good." Sheppard went back to Rodney's front and pushed Rodney onto his back. His stomach bulged painfully.

Rodney struggled to breath at the intrusion of liquid. He felt Sheppard's mouth on his member again, and it felt so god damned good! He found that his hips rocked of their own accord. "Do you like that?"

Rodney was warm all over. "Yes, please. Mmm." His eyes were closed. He writhed on the bed and grasped the blankets. Don't stop! He felt himself slide down Sheppard's throat and he gasped out loud. He was so close, and then . . . and then . . . He came with a wave that crashed through his loins, to his toes, and tingled up his spine to his finger tips.

Sheppard climbed up his body, and Rodney embraced him, his mind numb with bliss. Sheppard kissed him, and Rodney opened his mouth. Hot, bitter liquid flooded his mouth, and Sheppard held his chin, forcing him to swallow his own semen. He coughed and fought for air.

"You swallow everything." He did so despite the terrible taste. Sheppard continued to kiss him. "Now get on the end of the bed." Rodney slid down the bed slowly, careful of the pain in his rectum. Sheppard took his place and leaned against the pillows at the headboard.

The liquid in his stomach sloshed and stretched his innards. He groaned at the pain.

Sheppard positioned Rodney between his legs and kissed him again. "No teeth, take it down your throat, and use your tongue." He pushed Rodney's head between his legs.

His stomach was going to explode! The sight of Sheppard's penis made him want to vomit. The pubic hairs tickled his lips and cheeks.

Sheppard coaxed Rodney's mouth open by pushing his thumb inside. "It's not so bad. Take it in."

Rodney tested the sensation of the head of Sheppard's penis in his mouth. He closed his lips around it, sucked lightly, and Sheppard gave an encouraging moan.

He pushed Rodney's mouth onto him further and stroked the back of his neck.

Rodney took his penis further into his mouth. If he wasn't careful, the broth would come back up. He used the sensations Sheppard age him earlier, and he tried to recreate them. He bobbed his head up and down the member, sucking and swirling his tongue. Sheppard pushed his head down, and Rodney gagged as Sheppard pushed at his throat. "I - I can't. I can't. My stomach is too full. I can't."

"Take it slow." He pushed Rodney's mouth back onto him.

Rodney sucked obediently, testing the penis at the back of his mouth. It was easier than he anticipated. Sort of like sucking on a pickle.

"God, you have no idea how much I want to fuck you right now." Sheppard rocked his hips.

"Stop moving so much. You'll make me choke again." Rodney returned to the member.

Sheppard's cock twitched. "Mm, your mouth is so good. I love it when you argue." Sheppard grabbed at Rodney's neck and head and pushed Rodney all the way onto him.

Rodney quickly pulled away. Sensing Sheppard was close, he sucked hard on the head. Suddenly a jet of semen flooded his mouth. Rodney held it in his mouth, hoping desperately to find a place to spit it out.

Sheppard sat up and held his face. "Swallow! Swallow! There, all gone." As with the broth, Sheppard wiped extra ejaculate off of his lip with his thumb and forced it into Rodney's mouth. He liked doing that. Sheppard then turned off the beside-lamp and got under the blankets.

Rodney went back into the bathroom and brushed his teeth again using way too much toothpaste. He tried to fight the urge to vomit, but he was too vigorous with the toothbrush, and he vomited anyway into the toilet. It started out with just a little, but he just got sicker at the sensation of the broth being forced up his esophagus.

He had let Sheppard give him a blow job. He had given Sheppard a blow job. He had swallowed Sheppard's filth. He was going to let Sheppard mutilate him tomorrow.

Rodney held his naked penis and cried. It was still damp from Sheppard's mouth. When he was finally done throwing up, he flushed the toilet and turned on the shower. When he had scrubbed his skin red and could scrub no more, he wrapped himself in a towel and curled into a ball in the Jacuzzi. He held his hand over his groin protectively.

Rodney was recovering in the infirmary. His hand was attached to an IV, his throat was sore, and his dick ached. They wouldn't let him have any water in case he'd throw it up, but he was so desperately thirsty.

Sheppard opened his privacy curtain. "I've got your mail. I thought it might cheer you up."

Rodney was glad for the excuse that his throat was too sore from the breathing tube to respond.

"I can't wait to see Beckett's handy work." He tilted Rodney's chin up and kissed him deeply before leaving.

He wiped Sheppard's saliva from his lips and opened the largest envelope first. It was a drawing of him (the big green figure), Katie (the one in the triangle dress), Casta and Cleya holding hands (Cleya in purple and Casta in orange), and their calico tabby cat with a dead (monkey?) creature under its paws, and they were all standing on top of a blue mountain. He breathed in the scent of the crayons, Cleya's smell.

The next envelope was labeled "US Government"; his paycheck. He never made this much money in a year.

It reminded him of Batherton. I guess everyone has a price. Even maple astrophysicists.

Dr. Beckett entered the curtained area. "I brought you a popsicle. You're not allergic to red dye and corn syrup, are you?"

"Thanks," croaked Rodney.

"What've you got there then?" asked Beckett.

"It's a picture," he sucked his popsicle "from my daughter." The popsicle tasted and felt so good. He'd take it over pie or jello any day. "Could you forward this? It's my paycheck for my wife. I don't have stamps." He didn't know where or how to get to a mailbox either.

"Certainly. What's her address?"

Rodney gave him the address.

"I didn't know ya had a kid."

"Two. Boy and a girl."

"Sheppard'll love that." Beckett sat next to him.

"Yeah." Rodney was too afraid for his children to ask the doctor to elaborate. "Can I take the IV out now? Or drink something?"

"Leave in the IV for another ten minutes. I'll get you another popsicle."

Alone, Rodney tried not to think about what he looked like under the bandages. All bloody and swollen.

Beckett returned with the red popsicle.

"Doctor, he's not going to hurt my kids, is he?"

"I think we go a wee bit beyond titles. Call me Carson." He patted Rodney on the shoulder. "No, I don't think he's that evil, no. That's not to say I'd leave 'em alone in the room with the kids. What I mean is that he's probably going to use them to get you to do something you wouldn't ordinarily do."

---

Rodney slept alone. He assumed that Sheppard was spending nights at his house instead of on the base. That didn't mean that Sheppard didn't pull him out of the science labs to have Rodney blow him everyday.

Being alone in Sheppard's room was disconcerting. Rodney would wake in the middle of the night believing that Sheppard was somewhere in the room, waiting to fuck him.

He was healing quickly enough. Carson had to examine him once more before removing all of the stitches. He also gave Rodney a bottle of vitamins.

It was about five and Samantha had released him from the science labs for the day. He left for the mess hall, but Sheppard intercepted him in the corridor. "Have you had dinner yet?"

"Well, I was, um I -"

"Yes or no?"

"No."

"Good. I thought we could go out for dinner."

"Okay." It wasn't like Rodney had any choice. This was the first time he'd been off the base since he had arrived.

Sheppard drove an open black jeep, and Rodney's eyes strained at the bright Colorado sunlight. John played Johnny Cash's "A Satisfied Mind" on the stereo. They drove to a quiet restaurant in the city. There were other people in military uniforms as well as civilians. Rodney was thankful that Sheppard chose a quiet booth away from all the people. The waitress set two menus on the table. "You can keep those. I'll have the five ounce steak and a glass of the house beer. He'll have the same. Thanks."

"Coming right up." She took her menus and left.

"You're awful quiet."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Say something."

"I don't know what to say. Zelenka found a binary system in the Pegusus galaxy. His new radio satellite in orbit above Abydos is proving to be -"

"That's boring. I've been talking to my real-estate agent, and she's going to show us a house tonight. It's within walking distance of a nice elementary school."

Thank god. I thought he was going to take me back to his place and fuck me again. "That's great."

"As soon as you make a decision, I've arranged for you to go back to Washington to move your family."

"I get to pick the house?"

"Well, you're going to have to live in it."

"I don't get it. Why are you doing these things for me? To me?"

Sheppard opened his mouth, but the waitress returned with two hot plates and their beer.

"Will that be all tonight?"

"Yes, thank you," he said and she left. He sipped his beer. "I like smart people. Like you pointed out when we met; I have more money than I know what to do with."

"Yeah, but that's no reason to treat people - me . . . the way you do."

"Why not? I'm buying you a house, moving your family across the country to be with you."

Rodney couldn't believe he was asking this. He leaned closer to the colonel and whispered "But why do you have to have sex with me? Why do you like using me like this?"

"To be honest, no one cares about you. You are completely and utterly useless. We live in a world full of scientists. You won the cosmic lottery. I chose you over hundreds of others. Male and female. You are nothing more than a toy to be used and abused. A smart toy who asks stupid questions. I'm giving you everything you could hope for your family. All I ask in return is for you to get on your knees for me. Is that really such a terrible exchange?"

Rodney did not reply.

"Finish your dinner. We need to meet with Heightenmeyer at the house soon."

"This doesn't make me enjoy being your toy."

"That's all part of the fun."

Before they left, Rodney went into the bathroom. A man in the neighboring stall kept coughing, and Rodney's trembling hands dropped the lubrication while he prepared his anus for possible sex.

They did not speak on the way to the house.

It was huge and beautiful. Kate would have a fit with all the flowers in the front yard. It was huge and beautiful, and it was not for Rodney. It was too good for him. The real-estate agent was exceptionally nice. "There are four bedrooms and two bath . . . "

Sheppard watched Rodney's reaction as they toured the house. "Kate, I think we'll take it."

"I knew you would. I'll bring up the papers from the car."

Rodney asked, "How long will the previous owners need move out their furniture?"

Ms. Heightenmeyer looked confused. "There are no previous owners. This house was just built."

"Rodney," said Sheppard, "the house comes fully furnished."

"Oh." Sheppard must be dishing out a fortune!

Ms. Heightenmeyer left for her car.

Suddenly Sheppard slammed Rodney against the wall. He kissed him hard and Rodney opened his mouth, knowing that fighting him only made him worse. He grabbed Rodney through his pants, and pinched a nipple.

Ms. Heightenmeyer cleared her throat. Rodney flushed pink. "Right, anybody have a pen? Great. Well, gentlemen, it's all yours."

"Thanks, Kate."

She outstretched her hand to shake. "As always, John, it's been a pleasure doing business with you. I'll see myself out."

Sheppard kissed him again. "I have an idea. Why don't we christen this new house, your new bedroom. Rodney allowed him to lead him to the master bedroom. It was just as huge and beautiful as the rest of the house. Sheppard began undoing his pants. "God damn, I've waited too long to fuck you." He pushed him onto the bed and pulled off his pants.

Rodney tried not to fight Sheppard, knowing that it only made him worse. He clutched the bright-colored bedspread and allowed Sheppard to strip his clothes off. He positioned Rodney the way he liked with his head on the pillow. Rodney's hands searched for something to hold and found the metal rods of the bed frame. He closed his eyes while Sheppard removed his own clothes. "Wait, hold on. Can I be on my hands and knees?" Rodney tried to roll onto his stomach.

"No. You know I like to see your face." He took Rodney's hands and balanced his weight on his writs, pinning him to the bed. "Are you crying?"

"No. Yes. Sorry." A few tears rolled down his cheeks.

Sheppard kissed away the tears. "It's okay." His erection pressed at his thigh. "Let's see what Beckett did for me." He moved down Rodney's body, releasing his hands. "Oh, yeah. That's so much better. So smooth. Seriously have you seen this? Lets see what it looks like standing at attention." Rodney grasped the bed frame again and held his breath as Sheppard took him in his mouth. It wasn't long before Sheppard had him fully erect. "Oh, yeah!" He fingered and stroked it. "I'm going to fuck you so hard!" He moved back over his body and lifted Rodney's knees around his hips.

"Wait! Wait! I need support. Let me - let me use that pillow." Rodney reached for it and placed it under his hips.

"Damn, that's hot." Sheppard stuck his tongue down his throat, hiked up Rodney's knees, placed himself at Rodney's entrance and thrust inside.

Rodney cried out at the intrusion. He tried to breath. Sheppard began to move before Rodney could adjust. He squeezed Sheppard's shoulders and tried not to make any noises.

Sheppard thrust harder then changed his angle. He grunted into Rodney's neck.

"Ow! Ow! Just not so hard. Please!" He grabbed Sheppard's neck.

Sheppard slowed. He moved in and out slowly, moving around.

Rodney did not understand the sudden gentleness. "Oh! Ah, hang on! Na, you don't have to . . . mm, just, don't hit there!" But Sheppard was relentless. Rodney couldn't help but relax into it. "God, don't . . . stop!" Rodney touched himself between their bodies.

"No, no. That's not yours to touch." Sheppard looked down at him. "You're blushing." He thrust and watched Rodney's face.

Rodney turned his head.

"Uh uh. Show me how you're feeling." Sheppard moved his chin back to face him. He held Rodney's knees again and thrust once. Then again.

Rodney schooled his face, tried not to let it feel good, but by the third hard thrust, he couldn't hold back his pleasure. His mouth opened, his hips rocked, and his hands clutched at Sheppard's chest and back. He needed to be touched! He reached for himself again.

"We'll have to tie those hands back next time." Sheppard held the hand to the bed above Rodney's head.

"Mm, please! Something!"

Sheppard slowed his hard thrusts. "Tell me what you feel." His face was so close that their noses touched. A thrust and he pulled back.

"Na! You! Ah, please don't stop. I feel you . . . inside me!"

A hard thrust to his prostate. "How does it make you feel?"

"Good! So good! Please just touch me!" Two hard thrusts to his spot. "Mm, please!" Rodney tried to touch himself again, so Sheppard took both hands and held them above his head. He pushed in again. Rodney's legs were wrapped around his waist, trying to get more friction. "I don't want to feel this!"

Sheppard took hold of his member, stroking it in time to his forceful thrusts. Rodney rocked his hips, trying to keep Sheppard inside of him - on that spot.

It was the best climax of his life. His body shook and shuddered as nirvana danced in white stars behind his eyes. He felt Sheppard speed his movements as Rodney's muscles clenched. He groaned into Rodney's neck and shuddered his own release.

As before, Sheppard collapsed on top of him, hindering Rodney's breathing. Eventually he pulled out and rolled onto his back. "That was good. You were good."

Rodney's response was caught in his throat. He focused on the filthy jizz leaking out of him and onto the brand new bedspread, the drying stickiness on his stomach. How could he be enjoying this disgusting behavior? He had just asked Sheppard to touch him while he was being sodomized. He was so dirty! He rolled out of the bed and went to the bathroom to clean up.

The bathroom was fully stocked with towels and floral scented soaps. He stepped into the shower. He needed to be alone to scrub his scent off of him, but Sheppard joined him. "Wash me."

Rodney grudgingly turned to wash him. Sheppard held something red in his hands.

"I have a toy for you. That's it, wash my dick, too, Baby." Rodney complied. Sheppard touched his face. "You were beautiful You're such a good fuck. I have to admit; I wasn't expecting you to participate like that."

Rodney tasted bile in the back of his throat.

"Alright, I think I'm clean enough. This," he held up the red device, "is a remotely activated butt plug-vibrator. I'm going to put it in and test it out. I think you're going to love it. Turn around again. Good, put your hands on the wall. Okay, relax yourself."

Rodney was not ready for this. Not after just being fucked. He stiffened at the blunt intrusion.

"Oh, yeah! Watching it disappear inside you! Oh, I should get that on tape."

It wasn't very long, just wide. Rodney could feel a portion of it, the handle he assumed, remaining outside of his body. It made him feel as though he really, really needed to poop. His inner muscles instinctively tried to push it back out.

"Get out and get dry," commanded Sheppard.

Rodney complied and went back to the bedroom. Sheppard followed him, and dug in his pants pocket. He found something else red and jumped onto the bed. As Rodney stood, the device began to hammer his insides. His belly button was vibrating.

"Good?" Rodney shook his head. "Maybe it's in crooked. Come here." Sheppard did not turn it off but kneeled on the bed behind Rodney who was on his hands and knees. He began to twist it. He stopped when Rodney thrust away from him. "Got it."

It was hitting that spot! Rodney's hips moved of their own accord, thrusting into the air. He moaned quietly. It was too soon for another erection. Never the less, he was aroused. He willed himself to stillness.

"Good isn't it. I knew you'd like it. Say something."

"Take it out."

"Oh, no. Lay down on your back." Rodney obeyed. "Let's try some of the settings." He fingered the remote control.

The machine switched from a low hammering to a rapid vibrating, to an oscillating thrumming, to a slow pulsing. Rodney's body was out of control and his hips remained in the air off the bed. He reached for his hard member.

"Ah, ah! I told you." Sheppard took his hands away. "That's not yours to touch." He pushed Rodney's hips back onto the bed. "Hold still." He blew gently onto the throbbing member.

Rodney was leaking profusely - on the edge! Sheppard put his lips around it, and Rodney shot his cum into his mouth.

Sheppard sucked it all into his mouth. He moved up Rodney's naked body. Rodney opened his mouth obediently. He swallowed his own release.

The vibrator remained on all night until the batteries expired.

"Rodney, it's time to get up." Rodney rubbed his eyes. "Hey, why don't you call your wife? We have a busy day ahead of us, and you wont have time later." Sheppard's cell phone was shoved into his hand. He yawned and dialed.

"Hello?" Katie must have been asleep like Rodney.

"Hey, it's me. Um, Katie, I got us a house, and I'll be flying home soon to get you."

"Tuesday," Sheppard informed him.

"On Tuesday. I'll be back and the four of us will fly down here . . ."

"Thursday."

"Thursday."

"Rodney, there aren't four of us."

Rodney's heart stopped. "What?"

"I didn't want to tell you until we were sure you had the job. Rodney, I'm pregnant." Rodney was silent.

Sheppard asked "What's wrong?"

"Um, ah are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. It must have been that time in my office when-"

"Yeah, I know. Oh, Katie I don't know what to say."

"Say you're happy."

"Of course, I'm happy!"

"Whose there with you?"

"Um, he's - he's my boss. He got us the house."

"Oh, tell him thank you for me."

"Look, I'll be home soon. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"What'd she say," asked Sheppard as he reached around Rodney and stroked his thigh.

"My wife - she's . . . we're having a baby."

"Congratulations," Sheppard whispered into his ear before he nibbled on his earlobe. "I throw great baby showers." He stroked his tender genitals.

Rodney shuddered.

Katie's pregnant, and I'm in bed with another man, and I have a dildo in my ass! He showered again alone and cried.

The plane ride home was the happiest experience of his life. He was going away from Sheppard, he was going to see his wife and kids, and the flight attendants kept asking if he wanted another pillow or more cookies.

Sheppard had thrown away his clothes, so all he had were his BDUs and toiletries as luggage. He took a bus from the airport to his apartment. He had changed so much since he was last here. He had gained a little weight, he had more energy, and . . . well, he wasn't going to dwell on that now.

He bought two stuffed animals and a bouquet of flowers. He wrote on a card "I promise this baby will never know our hardships. To a new beginning. I love you!" and attached it to the flowers. The price of the three gifts was ungodly. He was shocked to pay so much for so little, but he also felt proud that he could afford to do so.

He knocked on the apartment door. There was the sound of little footsteps and something clanking as the kids rushed to the door. Cleya unlocked and opened the door. She was standing on a chair. "Daddy!" she screamed. He gathered his two babies in his arms. They were screaming and shouting in joy.

"I missed you, too. Give me kisses!"

"Did you bring us presents?"

He gave them the cookies he had stashed in his pocket from the flight. Casta ran around the living room with his cookie, screaming at the top of his lungs. Cleya closed the door and scolded Casta. "Stop it! Mommy's sick, remember."

Casta continued running and left his mouth open, and only pretended to scream.

"Daddy, Mommy bought us a 'frigerator, and it has lots of food." She took his hand with her tiny hand and led him to the new refrigerator. "We don't have to go all the way to the food lines anymore."

"Wow! How cool!" He knelt down to her level. "Cleya, what's wrong with Mommy?"

"I don't know. She says she lost something. She's asleep in her bed. I'm supposed to change Casta if he has an accident."

The bile stung at Rodney's stomach. He kissed Cleya on the forehead. "Keep your brother quiet, and I'll check on Mommy. Here's more cookies and in my bag are a pink bunny and penguin for you two." He caught Casta and kissed him as well.

When he entered the bedroom, he thought Cleya was mistaken; Katie must have been in another room, but he found her under the blankets on his side of the bed. He gently laid next to her small form.

She slowly uncovered her eyes. She whispered, "I'm a bad mother." Tears streamed down her red face.

Rodney kissed her forehead. He stroked her hair. "It could happen to anybody. Are you okay?"

"I saw a doctor yesterday at the clinic. I'll be fine. She was a girl."

A few minutes later, Cleya and Casta quietly laid in the bed next to their parents. They stayed there for hours, clutching and talking to their new toys.

Before they all left the tiny apartment, Rodney made sure that Ms. Caldwell across the hall got all of their old possessions as the final payment for the past five years of her babysitting services.

---

The plane ride back to Peterson Air Force Base was a nightmare. Casta was scared and cried the whole way, Cleya knocked out her front tooth when she ran down the aisle and tripped, and Katie was in terrible pain. The Air Force accidentally sent the cat to Florida, and on the cab ride to the new house, Casta threw up in Rodney's lap.

Sheppard left a brand new mini-van in the driveway. Rodney could only imagine what he'd have to do to repay him.

Rodney changed and showed the kids their respective rooms, but Casta and Cleya didn't want to be out of sight of their parents in the large and intimidating house. "Are you sure this one ith ours?" asked Cleya through the hole in her mouth. "It's too nice for us. What hif we get in trouble?"

Rodney locked the door to the newly decorated nursery before settling his family on the large couch in the living room. They held each other tight.

All of the splendor of this new life couldn't keep his kids from crying or make Katie stop hurting.

---

Rodney was eating fruit loops in the mess hall when Dr. Jackson sat across from him with a plate of pancakes. "I heard your family moved in yesterday."

"Yeah." Rodney really didn't like the hippy, especially after what he read in the mission reports. He also smelled like damp books.

"I also heard about . . . your loss."

"How did-?"

"This is a small base. Everybody knows everything. I just wanted to let you know that I went through the same thing. We lost him at six months. She . . . they decided not to say anything about it in the logs. She didn't make it either. As far as her father knows, he still has to send tribute."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She screamed too much in bed. Not like you, Sheppard says. No, it's just that even if you don't wan the kid, somehow you feel something missing in your life after it's gone. Janet set me up with a really great drug. If you -"

"Excuse me! I left something burning in the lab."

Rodney fled to the storage room. He found Carson and Radek smoking and sharing a bottle Scotch. "Hey," offered Rodney.

"Ready to pull up a box?" asked Radek.

Rodney sat and held his head in his hands. "What's wrong with these people? How can they live like this? Do the things they do? It's not human!"

Radek and Carson looked at each other. "Should we . . ."

"He's only been here a few weeks."

"Tell me what?" asked Rodney.

"Radek and I have been talking, and we think we might know what it is that makes them such evil bastards. Last week, Kowalski was rushed into the infirmary with a stab wound from Abydos. It was fatal; his heart was split in half. That man should be dead as disco. O'Neill had him rushed to the level seven containment room. Only O'Neill and the president have clearance to enter that room."

Radek started, "There was a rumor that began right after the first expedition to Abydos. When O'Neill, Jackson, and Kowalski returned to Earth, they brought back a very large Egyptian-style sarcophagus. O'Neill claimed that it was the remains of the Ra alien, but we haven't been able to get anyone to talk about what they did with the alien, even with our clearances. We hypothesis that this sarcophagus has some kind of - of healing power. But when people get hurt and come back from this healing machine -"

"They become more cold, malevolent . . ." Carson struggled for the right words.

"Evil," offered Rodney.

"Evil. They become more evil, it seems, every they get severely injured. A few hours later, PRESTOW, they don't have a scratch on 'em. Kowalski and Sheppard have sustained the most injuries off-world so far."

"So you're saying that they aren't just evil fuckers?" asked Rodney.

Carson answered, "When I first met John Sheppard, he was quiet, talked about Johnny Cash, and didn't say an unkind word to anyone. Now all he talks about is . . . well, you, and what he does to you."

Rodney's face turned red at the humiliation. Everyone knows! "But then why does he do things for me? He just bought me a house, and a car, and -"

"They do that. It's like they need to take care of the people they fuck. O'Neill parades around Abydos and throws bread and fruit to the people. They get some kind of god complex. Benevolent and kind one minute, evil and vindictive the next."

"All because of this sarcophagus?"

"Well," said Radek, "it's still only a hypothesis."

Rodney was studying the gamma radiation fluctuations of the last year's 'gate travel activity for long-term health - well, it was long and complicated research, and Rodney rubbed his dry eyes at the sight of the long string of numbers on the computer screen. He needed a coffee break.

He found Samantha alone on the break room couch. She didn't seem to notice him. "Dr. Carter? Sam?"

"Hmm?" She sparked back to life. "Oh, hey Rodney. Sorry, I guess I was just lost in thought."

"What were you thinking about?" He poured his coffee. Nothing Carson or Radek could say would make him doubt Sam's honesty and gentleness.

"Nothing good."

He left his coffee on the counter and sat down on the small couch next to her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She gave him a weak smile. "Rodney, you don't need the details of my terrible life to add to your own misery."

He put a hand on her knee. "Nonsense. You and I need to stick together. We're both in a lousy situation, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, figuratively speaking - and literally depending on how much that offends you--"

"Rodney," Sam smiled, "I appreciate the offer."

Rodney took in her beauty. "You are so beautiful when you smile. That's not to say that you aren't beautiful all the time because -"

"God, you're so sweet." She squeezed the hand on her knee. She leaned into him.

"I am?" He leaned in.

She whispered, "Yeah . . . very."

Rodney could feel his heart beat in his ears. Their lips touched. She was so soft and sweet. He added a little more pressure, and her hand held his neck. She smelled so good.

Someone cleared their throat.

Rodney and Sam pulled away.

Radek was filling a cup of coffee with his back turned to them. He left with his coffee.

"I-I should get back to -"

"I have a lot of work -" They both stood. "Look, Rodney. You and are both . . . in difficult situations. We both just needed . . . comforting."

"Right! Right! Comforting, exactly. We're just -"

"Comforting each other." She gave him another smile. "I'll see you around the lab." Rodney watched her as she walked out of the room. God, she had the greatest brea-

Crap! What the hell is the matter with me?

---

Sheppard pulled Rodney away from the lab for lunch the next Monday. He waited until they were sitting with their meatloaf before he explained to Rodney why he wanted to talk to him. "You're finished putting the proposal together, right?"

"Um, yeah. I have everything on a flash-drive." Rodney would be presenting Sheppard's proposal to fly one of Ra's gliders to survey Abydos' smaller moon in less than an hour.

"Good. Go to the conference room right now and pull down your pants, stay standing, put your hands on the table, and don't move."

"What?" Rodney felt nauseous.

"Go. Now!" Rodney stood slowly. "Double time, McKay. Move!"

Rodney left for the conference room and blinked back tears. He wondered how long it would be before Sheppard would join him, how long he could wait before he would have to do what he was told.

"Shit!" He just remembered that he hadn't prepared himself this morning because Katie wouldn't leave him alone in the bathroom.

He found the tube of lubricant that Carson had given him in his pocket and quickly pulled down his pants. This was so humiliating. Anyone could walk into the room. That was obviously the point. He squirted a generous amount onto two fingers. He used the fingers to stretch and relax his muscles.

The doorknob turned, he dropped the tube, and set his hands flat on the table. It was Lieutenant Kowalski.

Rodney's mind raced as fast as his heart. Was the meeting starting early? Was Kowalski going to use him? Was--

"I heard Shep talking in the mess." Kowalski pulled out a chair directly across from Rodney. "I thought it would be a good show. You won't disappoint me, will you?" He sat down. "Tell me, are you a screamer or are you the kind of whore who holds it all in? Or do you moan because it feels so good? Do you ask for more? Need it so bad in your greedy little hole that he has to hold you down? Answer when you're asked a question!"

Rodney tried to look anywhere but into those piercing eyes. He had knots in his stomach and his throat. His eyes watered, and his mouth opened. "I . . ."

"Yes?"

"I . . ."

"Come on, say the words."

"I . . ."

"It's easy. Tell me how you love it. Tell me how you love the taste of his jizz. How you nurse him until he's dry. How you call him 'Daddy' when you need his fist inside of you. Touching you. Filling you."

Tears fell to the table. His arms began to tremble. Sheppard, hurry up and get here! The idea of a whole fist inside of him scared him. "I hate it. All of it."

The door opened again, revealing the colonel. "Kowalski, I wasn't expecting an audience. Is Lorne going to come?" He stood behind Rodney.

"He had to administer a flogging after lunch. Rules are rules, sir."

Rodney relaxed his posture as the heat from Sheppard's body warmed his exposed flesh. It was easier to ignore Kowalski with Sheppard there.

"Sir, I think he's happy to see you. He's stopped crying."

Rodney looked at the desk and recited poetry in his mind. This was their game, but that didn't mean that it had to be his. He could hear the clanking of Sheppard's belt as the colonel released his member. He felt it touch his backside. He squeezed his eyes shut and his hands into fists.

Sheppard placed his hands on top of Rodney's. "Keep them flat and don't move."

"Show me his new circumcision, Shep."

Rodney turned his head and whispered, "No, please don't. Please!" Sheppard reached in front of Rodney and stroked him.

Rodney moaned his protest and dug his fingers into the table. He couldn't help but swell at the gentle stimulation, but he kept his eyes closed tight. Sheppard nibbled Rodney's ear and blew a quiet "shh".

"Oh, yeah. Beckett did a great job. He's not all that big, though."

"His ass is still unbelievably tight." Sheppard's finger disappeared from Rodney's member as he guided his own into Rodney's hole.

Rodney tried to relax himself for the forceful intrusion. The head of the penis pushed inside. It was more uncomfortable than anything else, and he dropped his head to hide his grimace from Kowalski's gaze. An involuntary groan escaped his lips.

Sheppard grabbed his hips and pushed all the way into Rodney's cavity. Rodney's member did not diminish. Sheppard thrust.

Even.

Predictable.

Steady.

Rodney held his breath tight in his chest, but quiet grunts still escaped to Kowalski's delight, no doubt. Soon his breathing was synchronized with Sheppard's thrusts. Rodney clenched his muscles trying to encourage Sheppard to climax. The warm stirring in Rodney's loins was becoming too much to ignore. His short fingernails dug deeper into the table. "Please hurry!"

"Ah, a confession. He needs you, Shep. He wants this so bad. Give 'em what he needs, sir."

"Just finish!" shouted Rodney. He thrust harder and faster, and Rodney's sighs grew deeper.

Sheppard grabbed Rodney's head, forced him to turn it back, and sucked his lip. He pushed in harder. Sheppard let the bottom lip slip out of his mouth and hushed him with another, "shh."

His arms threatened to collapse under both men's bodies. He cried out as Sheppard bit his neck and came inside of Rodney. They were both still, breathing heavily.

Kowalski clapped his hands. "Bravo, Shep. You managed to break him faster than any of the others. It took months for Peter to grow out of the shackles. How'd you do it?"

Sheppard kissed Rodney's head lightly before he slipped out and put himself back into his pants. "I use the carrot with him. I used the stick too much with Peter and Miko."

"An experiment in kindness then? Interesting," said Kowalski. He folded his hands on top of his head.

Rodney glared at the man. Kindness?! He pulled up his own pants, careful not to stimulate his erect and highly sensitive penis. They both sat down across from Kowalski. Rodney could still feel the echoes of Sheppard's thrusts. Sitting did not help the sensation.

"You're not here for the meeting too are you?" asked Sheppard.

"If you can't make the mission, O'Neill wants me to go up to bat instead," replied Kowalski.

Rodney was still in shock. How could these freaks go from having sex to shoptalk?

"Rodney, why don't you tell him about the yaw and pitch maneuvers for piloting above a two 'g' moon."

Rodney jumped out of his chair. "Fuck off!" He went to the door. Suddenly he was face down on the table with his arm pinned back.

Sheppard leaned over him and whispered into his ear. "Do you want to suck the lieutenant?"

Rodney growled.

"Kowalski, Rodney would like to ask you a favor."

"Alright! Alright! I'll be good." Sheppard released his arm. Rodney followed him back to his chair. Sheppard wiped a tear from Rodney's eye. Rodney swallowed his anger. "You . . . You have to, um, take it slow. There's no atmosphere to slow you down, so you have to come down close on a -" he swallowed another lump, "on a curve."

Rodney was interrupted as the general and Sam Carter entered the conference room. Rodney bit the inside of his lip.

The general took a seat at the front of the room, but Carter remained standing. She stared at something on the floor. She bent and picked it up.

Rodney's stomach dropped. It was his lube.

"Is this-"

Rodney cut her off. "It's mine." He snatched it from her soft hands.

The general bellowed, "John, didn't we have a discussion about not using the conference room anymore? It's almost impossible to get the stains out of the carpet."

Having fulfilled his duties in the lab and his personal duties for the colonel, Rodney took the city bus home. Katie still needed to teach him how to drive, so he could get his license and a car of his own.

He found the house empty and dark. The enormous building wasn't so bad when the kids were running and screaming. He stared at the wall in the living room where Sheppard had kissed him. He opened the door to his bedroom where he had the best seven orgasms of his life. He undressed in the bathroom where Sheppard had made him wash his penis. He turned on the faucet and scrubbed himself under the hot spray.

He toweled himself dry, avoided the mirror, and dressed in a fresh black t-shirt and black cargo pants.

Then there was a knock at the front door.

Rodney's heart thudded. Was it Sheppard? Did the colonel know that his wife was out with the kids? Did he send them away? Was it Kowalski?

The doorbell rang three more times.

"Cleya, that's enough. Rodney? Rodney, are you home? I forgot my keys in the car." Rodney sighed. He opened the door to reveal Katie with an arm full of shopping bags and the other arm full with a sleeping Casta. "Goodness, Rodney you look like a ghost."

Rodney took the sleeping boy from her arms. He was heavy and warm against his chest. He must have gained five pounds in the past few weeks.

"Cleya, I'm going to need lots of help bringing in the new stuff into the house. Rodney, are you feeling alright." Kate set her bags on the kitchen counter before putting her wrist to his forehead.

"I'm fine. What did you guys do all day?" He kissed Casta's hot little head.

"Mommy took me to the dentist, and he said my new tooth will be coming in really soon. Casta had a cavity, but I didn't have any! After that, Mommy bought us new clothes, and backpacks, and pencils, and crayons, and -" she continued for some time. "And guess what, Daddy?"

Rodney sat down on the living room couch. "What?"

Cleya jumped up onto the couch next to Rodney. "We got you some presents, too."

"Cleya!" Katie scolded. "We'll show him the presents after we bring them into the house."

"Oops. Sorry, Mommy." Cleya ran out the house.

Casta stirred and lifted his head at the shouting. Katie, still in the kitchen, spoke to Rodney from the open archway connecting the two rooms. "The kids will be starting their first day of school tomorrow, and I was thinking. Since you are making so much with this new job, maybe I could put off getting one myself until the Casta starts going to school full-time. I've always wanted to volunteer at the kids' school."

Rodney replied, "I think that's a great idea, but-"

Casta started to fuss. "I don't want to go to school."

"Don't worry about it, buddy. You're tired," Rodney cued. "I know you'll have lots of fun tomorrow."

When Cleya finished running back and forth from the car, she made a show of breathing heavily. She moved stray hairs out of her face. "Okay, now can I tell him?"

"Wait, wait, wait!" said Katie. "I'll get the big one out of the car." She went outside. Katie had told him earlier in the week that she would be going to the airport to pick up the cat. He assumed that Einstein was finally coming home.

Cleya clapped her hands excitedly. "You'll never guess what we found for you, Daddy!"

"A bunny?"

She shook her head, making her long hair fly back in her face.

"A penguin?" Rodney smiled at her laugher.

"Da-addy!" Casta was now alert and watching his sister.

Katie returned to the living room carrying a very heavy animal crate. "We finally got her back from Florida, Rodney. I think she's happy to see you!"

The creature inside the crate hissed and growled.

Rodney smiled weakly. "Sounding like that, I don't think she's happy to see me," he said dryly.

"Nonsense! Of course she's happy to see you, Rodney!" Katie set the crate down on the floor and opened it, smiling at Rodney hopefully. Rodney couldn't help but smile back at his wife's attempt to make him happy. He was providing so much for them now, and she had been feeling like a burden to her husband. She needed this cat to bring him out of his sudden distance to the family.

"Thank you, Katie. Now let's just see if I can get Einstein to come out." Rodney stood, moving over to his wife to give her Casta. He knelt down on the floor and peeked inside the box. The sounds coming from the crate told Rodney that his little friend was not happy. At all.

"Come on, it's ok. Come on out..." Rodney tried to coax her. He reached his hand inside the box and pulled it out just in time to avoid getting his whole forearm and hand scratched. The annoyed hissing and growling was louder. Rodney sighed and stood and picked up the crate at an angle to force his cat out of the box, thus making her even angrier.

When Einstein was finally lost traction on the slippery plastic, she fell to the living room carpet and ran for the farthest dark niche. They set out her food, water, and litter box, but they didn't see her for the rest of the evening.

Rodney ate what was left of the kids' fast food, and Katie and Cleya paraded their treasures from their shopping excursion. "And we got you a whole new set of clothes and some pajamas, so you don't have to sit around the house in your army clothes." He tried on the new clothes at their insistence, but they didn't quite fit the same as his old clothes.

"Rodney," Katie said after tucking both of the kids in bed. "I still can't believe that our lives have taken such a turn. You must really have some kind of theory to have the government give us so much money. We're so blessed."

"Yeah," agreed Rodney.

---

Rodney was dressed in his new pajamas while Katie took a shower. This was their first real night alone since Sheppard didn't want to spend it with Rodney on base, and the kids were finally used to their rooms. Rodney could only hope that Katie was too tired to want to make love. He heard the hair dryer turn off, and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

She stepped out of the master bathroom. "What do you think? She was dressed in a very reveling spaghetti strap, pink night gown.

"Aren't you cold?"

She crawled into the bed next to him. "Of course, I'm cold. That's kinda the point. You have to warm me up." She crawled on top of him, pinning him under the blankets. She naked her hand down his chest straight to his groin.

He quickly grabbed at her hand and held it in both of his. "Katie, are you sure. You were just sick. Maybe we should wait a while more."

She straddled him and wiggled her hips. "I just went to the doctor. I'm perfectly fine and I'm on birth control pills. There is no reason not to finally christen this house. This bed."

Bile rose in Rodney's throat at the echo of Sheppard's words. That was happening a lot as of late. Well Katie, I've been raped a lot lately by my male boss, so I'm really not in the mood to be touched. He couldn't think of a better way of getting her off of him. "I'm pretty tired, sweetie."

Kate kissed him on the forehead. "That's never stopped you before." It was true. He' never not been attracted to her, pregnant, fat, skinny, grouchy or happy. He'd always jump at the chance to be with her. He would not be able to give her a satisfactory answer without telling her the truth.

He kissed her back on her lips. "Get under the blankets before you freeze in that get-up." She complied with a giggle. "No, no. Face away from me. There." He separated her legs by placing his top leg over hers as they lay with her back to his front. He lifted her gown, and as he suspected, she wore no panties. She hummed her satisfaction as he reached between her legs and quickly began stroking her labia. He massaged her and ran his fingers through her pubic hair before dipping his middle finger between her cleft and found her clitoris. As he gently stroked her, she began to moisten for him. He slipped his fingers inside her and used her natural wetness to soften his touch on her quickly swelling clitoris. He massaged it deliberately, moving his finger up and down over the nub before pushing down hard and letting it slip away under his slick finger.

Katie writhed against him. She moaned, and her hand reached behind her body to stroke Rodney again. It was awkward, but he caught her hand with his free one. He gave it a loving squeeze. He kissed the back of her neck before he repeated his action with his finger.

"Mmm." Her head fell away from his and instead grasped his other arm that stroke her. Her back arched and she came with a delighted sigh. He kissed her again on the back of her neck. "Mmm, that was sweet, Rodney." She turned to face him and kissed his lips. "Now it's your turn." For the third time her hands attempted to snake down his body, but he caught them. "Rodney, what's wrong?"

"Katie, I had a really hard day at work, and I just not in the mood tonight for anything more than a good night's rest. Is that okay?"

Her face was blank as she studied his. She stroked his cheek. She turned away from him again and made herself comfortable under the blankets.

Rodney took a deep breath and turned off the bedside lamp.

"Is she blond?"

"What? Is who blond?"

"The woman you're infatuated with at work."

"Katie," he turned the light back on . "There's no body who could take your place. I love you. I'm not sleeping with another woman," he said, but the guilt was evident in his voice.

"I didn't say you were sleeping with her, just infatuated."

"Katie, there is no woman," but my boss fucks me on a daily basis.

"Rodney, you're a terrible liar. Just tell me about her. I'm not mad. I know there are prettier, younger, smarter women out there than me. I just want to know about her."

"Katie . . ."

She turned again to face him. "Would you like it more if my hair was blond?"

"I don't know. I just - I like your hair the way it is. I just -"

"Rodney, you haven't even looked at me since we got here. What am I supposed to think?"

Rodney wanted more than anything in the world to start crying and to tell her everything he'd gone through at work. He wanted her to hold him and tell him it was going to be okay.

Rodney was having a great day. He gave Sheppard a blow job early in the morning, so he was sure to go home on time to see the kids come off the bus after their first day at the new school. He'd get some flowers for Katie at the gift shop on the main level, and everything would be okay.

"McKay!" It was Sheppard. Rodney stopped in his tracks in the corridor and waited for the colonel to catch up to him. He put his happy plans out of him mind. "I almost missed you."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to miss my bus, so I better be on my way." Rodney began walking again toward the elevator.

"No. You're going into town." He placed a card into Rodney's hand. "When you're done there, I'll come and pick you up. You might call your wife now and tell her you won't be coming home." Sheppard wrapped his hands around Rodney's hips and pushed him back until he was up against the cement wall.

Rodney moved his head away when Sheppard leaned in to kiss him. Sheppard held his chin and kissed him deeply.

"Mm, this is going to be so much fun." He let Rodney go and marched back down the hall.

Rodney looked down at his hand. The piece of paper Sheppard had given him was a card for a salon with an appointment time, his name, and a small road map. He sighed heavily and went back to the lab to call his wife.

She certainly wasn't happy that he wasn't coming home, but neither of them were in the mood for another fight. He had told her when he had started this job that there would be many nights a week that he wouldn't come home, and he couldn't elaborate more because of the confidentiality waver he had signed. She could accept that fact with his high annual salary and gigantic house.

Rodney took the shuttle down from the mountain to the fort below, before getting on another bus that took him into the city. The outside of the salon looked more like a bank than a hair place. He checked the card to make sure that he had the right address before pushing the glass door open.

The young blond woman at the front desk asked him for his card. She studied the computer screen at her desk. "Ah, yes. Rodney McKay. It's very nice to meet you, sir. Since this is your fist time with us, I'm going to set you up with Bethany. She is every gentle with new customers."

"Gentle? It's just a hair cut. I think I can handle it just fine." He watched her flawless smile strain under her bright make-up.

"Yes, Bethany will be perfect for you. I'll let her know you're ready for her. Please have a seat in the waiting room in the mean time."

Rodney turned and sat in the nearest chair. He dropped his head into his hands and rested his elbows on his thighs. Of course something as simple as a hair cut had to be distorted by the colonel. God, what did he have in store for him after this bizarre hair appointment?

"Rodney McKay?" Rodney lifted his head and looked at the young woman who must have been Bethany. She was dressed in an all white outfit. She looked more prepared for a medical procedure than a hair cut. She led Rodney into a private room with a bed and closed the door behind them. "My name is Bethany. This is your first body wax. Is that correct?"

"Bo-body wax? Um, I think there's been a mistake." He backed away from her before his legs hit the bed and he was forced to sit down.

"Don't worry. I understand that you are nervous. I specialize in waxing men, so you don't have anything I haven't already seen. We use an industrial strength wax that only requires a single application. The discomfort is momentary, but the results will last for days." She began to open drawers from the cabinets along the walls and retrieved tools and supplies.

"Before you leave us today, you will be smoother than the day you were born. The inhibitor cream we will give you will prevent hair growth for up to two weeks." She put on a pair of gloves with a snap.

Why do they always snap? Rodney asked himself.

"So would you like to start from your top or bottom?" Rodney almost choked on his own tongue.

"What?"

She sat down on a swiveling stool. "This will be a full body hair removal procedure. I'll be waxing everything from your neck to your toes. Do you want to start by taking off your shirt or your pants?"

Rodney was certain that everyone in the building could hear him screaming.

As Rodney put his clothes back on, it felt as though the material was touching him under his skin. Fully dressed, he still felt naked. Bethany gave him a small white jar of the hair growth inhibitor cream, and he put it in his side pocket. As she led him out of the private room, Rodney could hear laughing at the front desk.

Sheppard was sitting on top of the desk and was smiling down at the receptionist. She giggled up at him.

"Hey, there's my boy. Did you take good care of him, Beth?"

She too giggled from behind Rodney. "He's all ready for you, John. I don't think you'll be disappointed." She went behind the desk and gave Sheppard a very intimate kiss. "You better come back soon to tell us all about tonight's fun."

Sheppard looked to Rodney over Bethany's brunette head. Rodney looked down at the floor. "Oh, I think I can do better than give you a good story."

The receptionist clapped her hands. "Oh, I love it when you use the camera."

The bile in Rodney's stomach churned.

"C'mon, Rodney. We're going back to my place for the night."

Bethany whined, "I'm so jealous."

Sheppard gave her another kiss and said, "I'll see you girls later. Get in the jeep, Rodney."

Rodney kept his head down and followed Sheppard. He did not respond when the two young women said in union, "Bye, Rodney."

Sheppard fingered the stereo in his car and played Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire". "I know you know the words," he said, "sing the next chorus with me." He sang, and Rodney hummed along, but he was more concerned with images of men in leather outfits, masks, and whips who screamed in German. He couldn't get the frightening images out of his mind.

The jeep meandered up the mountainside. The sun was setting, and the road was growing darker under the mountain's shadow while the city and yellow plains below were still bright. The neighborhood they drove through was full of mansions and gardens. Sheppard drove through a valley and up the side of another mountain. The houses grew fewer and farther between until there were only trees and rocks.

Rodney was feeling claustrophobic as the mountains surrounded the road. He felt small and insignificant under the huge landforms.

Sheppard turned onto a hidden dirt driveway. He drove for another minute before pulling up to a large cabin. "Home, sweet home," he said.

Rodney followed him out of the car and into the large house with large windows and thick, round support beams. Sheppard went straight for the refrigerator in the open kitchen and twisted off the cap of a beer. The room, like the rest of the house, was sparsely decorated. There was an old guitar, a skateboard, and surfboard resting on the furniture in the living room, and the table and chairs in the kitchen were also of the same spartan theme.

"Get in the shower. Clean yourself out. I don't want any cock-ups on the video." He tipped his beer at his mouth and took a swig.

"So you-you're going to film us ha-having sex? Why?" Rodney fingered the cuff on his green jacket. "Who's going to see it?"

"It'll be fun. It's like someone is in the room with you, watching. You'll get to see the look on your face when you come."

"So what you said to those women-"

"And I'll pass copies to all of my friends." Sheppard drank more of his beer. "If the idea bothers you, just put it out of your mind. Now get into the shower and clean out your ass hole real good for me. The bathroom is though the living room and bedroom. Get on the bed when you're done."

Rodney complied and went to the bathroom, trying to ignore the camera set on a tripod, pointed at the bed. The bed had only a fitted red sheet, and above it was a black and white poster of Johnny Cash holding a guitar.

The bathroom was fully equipped with towel heater, warm tile floor, Jacuzzi, and a massaging shower head in the shower. He let himself cry under the hot spray of the shower as he used his fingers to cleanse his bowels. He felt so ridiculous, like a plucked, naked chicken.

He tried to think about what he was doing for his family; the plentiful food, the huge, warm house, the absence of fleas and rats, and his kids' smiling faces.

The water, like his clothing, grated on his skin, compounding his sense of vulnerability. Just when he didn't think he could be any more naked in front of the colonel, Sheppard had found a way to make him feel even more exposed.

Rodney thought of Katie being mad at him and how she was probably making dinner with out his help right now. If having Sheppard fuck him in front of a camera meant that his wife and kids were not hungry, he could swallow his fear and pride and do what Sheppard asked.

Sheppard banged on the bathroom door, and Rodney realized that he'd been in the shower longer than he needed to be. He slapped himself in the face and tried to push away his fear. "I'm coming. I'm coming." He turned off the water and dried himself on one of the heated towels.

He took the near-empty tube of lube from his pants' pocket and prepared himself.

When he came into the bedroom with the towel wrapped around his torso, he found that Sheppard had filled the room with two dozen large white candles. "This is a serious fire hazard," said Rodney.

"Ditch the towel and get on to the bed," said Sheppard without looking up from the candles and matches.

Rodney stared at the camera to make sure the red record light was not flashing. He swallowed thickly and tossed the towel back into the bathroom. He kept his eyes on Sheppard and the camera, while he moved to sit on the bed. "So-so-so is this, um, is . . . is going to be just like the other times?"

Sheppard finished with the last candle and flipped off the overhead light. "What do you mean?" He un-tucked his shirt and began to disrobe.

Rodney averted his eyes. "Are you just going to, uh . . . um, you know. F-fuck me? Or did you have something else planned?"

Sheppard turned and rummaged in the top drawer. "Why? Are you feeling adventurous?"

"No, no. I just-"

Sheppard turned to faced Rodney. He held something sinister in his hands. "Well, I can tell you this is something I haven't shown you yet. Face the head board on your hands and knees."

Rodney pushed the pang of fear away and rolled over.

"I can't have you touching yourself anymore. I don't want you to end the production prematurely."

Rodney felt the bed dip as Sheppard sat next to him. He attached a soft black rope around Rodney's wrists. It felt as soft as silk. He then tied the ends in an elaborate knot around the bed posts. Rodney could only visualize himself fifteen minutes in the future tied to a bed, Sheppard inside his ass, and the bed catching fire. "Seriously, this is a dangerous position you're putting me in. I'm starting to get claustrophobic."

"You won't be paying attention to anything but your hard dick and begging me to fuck you harder in a few minutes. Roll onto your back."

Again, Rodney complied without question. Sheppard held a second menacing looking object. It looked like a very small black bracelet or a very large ring. Sheppard slipped it up Rodney's shaft to the base of his penis. Rodney winced. Sheppard began to stroke him to hardness. Crying would do him no good, so he blinked the tears. He chewed his bottom lip and allowed himself to feel the pleasure Sheppard was offering.

Then he realized how the ring was constricting his member. Of course, Sheppard's pleasure came at a price. The ring would prevent him from achieving orgasm or ejaculating.

As Sheppard's callused fingers stroked him one last time, Rodney hid his eyes under his twisted arms and resigned himself to his fate.

Sheppard urged his thighs open, and Rodney obliged. Sheppard pressed their growing erections together, and Rodney's twitched at the contact, but he turned his head when Sheppard leaned down to bring their lips together. Sheppard chuckled. "The more you resist, the hotter this movie will be."

Rodney looked up at the varnished yellow wood beams and hoped that Sheppard wouldn't realize that he still hadn't turned on the camera, but as if Sheppard could read his thoughts, he rolled off the bed and went to the camera, tiptoeing around the flickering candles on the floor. "And the more vocal you are, the better." He touched the camera until it began to hum with life. Sheppard stood in front of the lens. "This is John Sheppard with Dr. Rodney McKay, my newest astrophysicist. He's pretty docile and takes anything I give him. I've never met a man so eager and willing for me to control him. I've had his whole body waxed." Sheppard moved out of the shot to reveal Rodney on the bed. "Doesn't he just look so fuckable, so ready to be used?" He returned to his position between Rodney's legs and leaned over him, letting his five o'clock shadow scratch Rodney's smooth cheek.

Rodney did not resist the kiss this time, and he opened his mouth as Sheppard licked the seam of his lips. When Sheppard pulled back, Rodney interjected, "You're no Greek statue, you know."

Sheppard had arguably thicker body hair than Rodney, but he had done nothing about it. He hadn't even shaved his face.

"Shut up and kiss." Sheppard licked his lips and brought them back down onto Rodney's. Because of either experience or skill, Sheppard was an excellent kisser. Rodney found himself kissing back. Shepard sucked Rodney's lower lip into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. His pressure was not too crushing or too demanding, but just enough to entice Rodney to tip his chin up to Sheppard. Rodney found himself wanting to reach up to embrace Sheppard, but his restraints stopped him.

Sheppard's rough hand roamed his body, paying special attention to his nipples and the valley of muscle connections in the center of his abdomen down to his belly button.

Rodney's back arched slightly at the touch. Without his body hair, being caressed now felt like being touched for the first time, as if nobody had ever touched him before. A moan escaped his lips.

Sheppard's hand moved to Rodney's backside and up his thighs, bringing Rodney's knees around Sheppard's hips.

"Wait," said Rodney. "I really should have some kind of support, please. This is a bad angle." Sheppard brought his knees higher and rubbed himself against Rodney. "Wait, wait. I really need something under my hips."

Sheppard stopped his babbling with a kiss. Sheppard savored it and pushed his tongue deep inside and tasted coffee and panic. He pulled away and told Rodney, "Get on your hands and knees."

Rodney licked at the excess saliva on his lips, and it tasted like beer. He rolled over. It felt better on his wrists, but the position made Rodney nervous. He couldn't see what Sheppard was going to do. He reminded himself that Beckett had prescribed this position as safer for him. He swallowed.

Sheppard licked a stripe from his neck, down his spine, and to the dip in his back.

Rodney arched. He tried not to let his breathing get too fast as he felt his ass cheeks being spread. He grabbed a fistful of sheets in both hands as he felt the wet tongue dip quickly to his hole. It was just as quickly replaced with something thick and blunt. Rodney's body stiffened. His chest tightened and his breathing was frantic. He could do this. He'd done this before. He let out a chocked groan as Sheppard thrust quickly and none too gently inside of Rodney. He could feel Sheppard's testicles smack at his cheeks. He grunted and groaned his pain. It felt like Sheppard was, well, fucking his ass. His muscles stretched painfully despite his preparation, and his bowels spasmed in protest.

But Sheppard did not stop to allow Rodney to adjust. He began thrusting and pushing. He moved with sickening ease. He adjust his angles until he was directing his shaft straight down onto Rodney's prostate.

Rodney shook his head and his groans turned to frustrated grunts of pleasure. After just a few passes over the gland, Rodney was trusting back at Sheppard, anticipating each movement. Rodney's head dropped below his shoulders. "Fuck! Ah, ah!" Rodney's mouth was in the shape of an O as he could no longer control his cries of arousal.

Sheppard's hand snaked up Rodney's tight stomach and quickly found a nipple to tweak and stimulate.

Rodney bent his back involuntarily to encourage Sheppard's fingers. His hand continued its journey up his throat, found his chin, and finally his open mouth. He trust faster, directly onto Rodney's prostate and stroked the bottom lip.

Rodney groaned. God, he was so close! He needed, ah, he needed him. "Fuck Harder!" He pushed back, and he was so close! He-

He screamed. He was in agony. His groin was on fire.

The ring around his cock impeded his ejaculation, and it felt stuck and it hurt like hell.

He sobbed, "Oh God, oh God! Get it off, take it off! It hurts, it hurts, please!"

But Sheppard kept thrusting. He changed neither his speed nor his angle. Rodney's body spasmed, and his arms fought at the black bonds. He was openly weeping.

A few more hard thrusts, and Sheppard finished with his own spasm. He pulled out and Rodney began rubbing himself on the bed sheets. He was desperate for stimulation or a way to remove the ring around the base of his cock.

"Do something, please!" Rodney lay next to Sheppard who was on his back with one arm pillowing his head.

"I told you, you'd be begging for my cock." His eyes closed and Rodney screamed again.

"So I did. Now don't just leave me hanging here. I need your help. I'm in pain. I need to fucking come already! Please!"

Sheppard pulled on Rodney's hips and forced him to lay on his back, holding his hips still on the bed. "Stop squirming. There, now stay put. Relax. You're not going to come tonight." Sheppard wiped away the tears on Rodney's cheeks.

Rodney panicked and began to breath hard.

"Hold still. I'm going to fuck you again, and then I'll take the ring off."

Rodney whined.

"I'm going to take a quick nap, and then I'll fuck you again. Now just be still and wait." Sheppard rolled off the bed, stopped the camera and got back on the bed.

Rodney waited for what felt like an eternity, feeling the heat from Sheppard's resting form. It aroused him to no end. He needed to feel chest hair on his skin. He needed to feel Sheppard's beer breath on his neck and the cold dog tags on his spine.

"Could you do this sooner if I took you in my mouth?" he asked.

After where Sheppard's cock had been, it was not an enticing proposal for Rodney, but he felt like if he didn't get his cock ring off soon, he was going to explode.

Sheppard chuckled, his eyes still closed. "Keep begging and I'll take a longer nap."

Rodney groaned. Baseball, think about baseball. Why? Right, it's boring and the farthest subject from sex. But then why do people use it as a euphemism for levels of sexual intimacy? Nothing with which Rodney could distract himself was working. He still had a raging hard on.

Sheppard sighed heavily next to him. If it were possible, Rodney got harder. Sheppard rolled back out of the bed, stepping over dwindling candles and restarted the camera. When he turned, Rodney saw Sheppard's cock swell to half mast as he stood looking at Rodney. It made Rodney feel enormous pride that he evoked that response in the man. Him. His own naked body made Sheppard hard. He had more power than he realized.

At the same time he cringed at the thought of his body arousing another man. Nonetheless, his head tipped back and his pupils dilated as Sheppard leaned over him and kissed him deeply. Rodney turned over on his own accord, attempting to avoid his penis making contact with his penis to the bed and make himself throb any more painfully. He gripped the metal rods of the bed post and hung on.

Sheppard's earlier dalliances had made Rodney's lube come out of it's position in his ass hole and was now spread between his cheeks. This allowed Sheppard to slip inside quickly and easily, and his thrusts felt far sharper to Rodney. Rodney was achingly aroused and even his ass seemed swollen and eager for Sheppard's thrusts.

Rodney concentrated entirely on the pleasure in his loins. His back arched and his mouth fell open, allowing a litany of aroused sighs to escape his raspy throat.

He was there again. He was so close to coming.

Sheppard thrust right on his spot.

Rodney cried out. He was being pushed against a wall, but he was going to break though, he had to. He could come! He just had to concentrate. He squeezed the rods of the headboard and groaned.

It felt so damned good. He . . was . . so . . . . clo- "Ah, ah, ahhh!"" His orgasm broke through the confines of the ring, and suddenly Sheppard was thrusting sporadically.

Sheppard bit Rodney's shoulder hard, painfully. Rodney had to laugh. He'd won this round.

Rodney swallowed dryly. His mouth tasted stale and slightly of beer. His arms were twisted beneath him, and his left hand was numb. He groaned and rolled onto another body.

"Sleep well?" asked Sheppard.

As Rodney's arm tingled to life, last night's events replayed in his mind. His ass hurt. He stretched and groaned again.

"We're going to be late for work. Get in the shower." As Rodney rolled off the bed, he tried not to think about the stickiness on his stomach and between his ass cheeks. He tripped over several burned down candles and turned on the shower.

He had a few blessedly peaceful moments alone in the shower before Sheppard joined him. He no longer needed to be asked to scrub the taller man with the soaps that gave Sheppard his distinctive scent. When he was done with the colonel, he was again left alone. He cleansed his sore hole of Sheppard's semen because he would never be comfortable doing that in front of another person. At least he hoped.

Rodney took the electronic razor Sheppard had just used and shaved his own face. Just like in their room under Cheyenne Mountain, Sheppard also had a spare toothbrush for Rodney. Sheppard insisted he apply the hair inhibiting cream, and he helped Rodney apply it to the areas where he could not reach. Sheppard touched him everywhere. His genitals, his buttocks, his back, his neck, everywhere. Rodney could not deny how good Sheppard's rough hands felt as they massaged him with the cream.

And again, he dressed in a clean pair of Sheppard's underwear, but yesterday's clothes fit Rodney better than anything Sheppard could offer despite his recent weight gain.

Rodney cleaned up the candles and the soiled sheets as Sheppard ordered, and later Rodney served granola in the kitchen. He cleaned the dishes while Sheppard read a comic book.

On the ride back to the SGC, Sheppard insisted that Rodney learn all the words to Johnny Cash's "A Boy Named Sue".

"I want you to work out in the gym today. You have to be in your best shape to go off-world," Sheppard told him as they gave their identification cards to the guard in front of the elevator to the lower levels. "Spend at least two hours every day in the gym for the rest of the week."

"Wait. You're taking me to Abydos? Through the Stargate? I, uh . . ."

"We might need your expertise when I take the glider to the moon."

They entered the elevator and descended. "Go get some gym clothes from the supply room."

Rodney couldn't believe it. He was going to another planet! He, a poor little Canadian astrophysicist, was going to step foot on another planet! He veritably skipped into the supply room.

As always, the room smelled terribly of cigarette smoke. The smoke smelled fresh, so he walked behind a few shelves and creates and past that weird, fun house mirror. He found Carson and Radek sitting on their boxes in the far corner.

"Hey, guys! You'll never guess where Sheppard is going to take me next week."

"Yes, yes," said Radek. "You must go to Abydos to monitor the flight path of the glider."

"How'd you -" asked Rodney, but Carson interrupted him.

"Ach, too much sand if you ask me. It always gets into everything. Especially your ears."

Rodney frowned.

"Sorry, lad. Yes, going off-world for the first time is exciting. You should be happy." Carson grabbed a cigarette from the pack on a nearby box and lit it. "Have you had a physical?"

"Yeah, of course. When I first got here. Why?" asked Rodney.

"No, no. That was your screening exam. Has anyone cleared you for off-world duty? You have to have stamina to be able to cope, and you're still looking awful thin."

Rodney's frown deepened. "Um, no."

Carson put out his cigarette. "Ach! Right, come with me then. We can get through it before lunch if we do it now." He led Rodney back down the hall and to the infirmary before he asked, "So you're getting along well with Sheppard? He's not hurting you too much?

Rodney sat on the same bed as his first examination with Carson. "Um, well, he's ah, not too bad. I'm a little sore from last night, but other than that . . ."

"Are you preparing yourself and using the lubricant?"

Rodney really would rather eat his foot than discuss this topic. "Yeah, of course. Actually, my tube is running low."

Carson slipped a cold stethoscope under Rodney's shirt and pushed it against his hairless chest.

"He had me wax."

"I can see that. I'll get you another tube before we're done. Take a deep breath. Good." The stethoscope was moved to Rodney's back. "Good. How did your wife take the news?" The heart rate jumped.

"What news?"

"Have you not told her about your situation?"

"Um, well, I . . . It hasn't really come up. It's . . ."

Carson wrapped a cuff around Rodney's arm and inflated it. He noticed dark bruising around Rodney's wrists. "Are these bruises bothering you?"

"Oh, no. Those aren't bruises. He, um, tied my hands with, ah, something black. The dye rubbed off on my wrists is all." The doctor squeezed the wrists. "Ouch!"

"I'm afraid that's not dye. It seems superficial, but if your joints begin to bother you, let me know."

Rodney could feel the pressure of his heartbeat throbbing against the cuff.

"You have to tell her, Rodney. She'll find out sooner or later. The sooner she knows, the less she'll feel betrayed." The cuff deflated, and Carson re-inflated it. He concentrated on his watch.

"I, ah, I - I don't know . . ." Rodney's voice cracked. "How exactly should I tell her?"

"Rodney, your blood pressure is extremely high. Dangerously so. Do you feel this way often? Have you have a history of high blood pressure?"

Rodney could answer that question. He took a deep breath. "I haven't been to a doctor in years. I don't know why my blood pressure is usually like, but, um, I do get upset a lot. It feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I get these white flashes behind my eyes, and I have terrible heartburn. I feel like that at least once a day."

"Right," said Carson. "I'll take your blood pressure a few more times to get an accurate average. Now lets have you up on the scale."

Rodney followed Carson to the scale across the room.

"Huh. Rodney, when you got here, your weight was twenty pounds under what a man at your height and age should weigh. Now it's been several weeks, and you're still sixteen pounds underweight. Are you naturally lean?"

Rodney thought back to eight years ago. Back in Canada before the war, Rodney begrudged the extra rolls of fat around his middle. "I guess the stress has been harder on me than I realized. I used to be around 190. That was my usual high weight. But I've gained four pounds. That's good, right?"

Carson sighed. "Unless you make some significant changes in this department, I'll have to ground you. Without the proper muscular definition and fat stores, you'll be unable to fight diseases." They walked back to the bed. "I'll give you some information on what to eat and how to start exercising properly, but becoming fit is just as easy as you eating the food provided in the mess and spending some time in the gym. Now, I'm also concerned about your mental state. What you said about your heart makes me think that you're prone to panic attacks."

"Yeah, that would be the right name for how I feel some times. It's mostly brought on by Sheppard and what he does to me. Other times, it's just him being around me, or a certain smell that reminds me of him. It's especially ah, um, hard at home. I still have no idea how to bring this up to Katie. I don't know how this whole body wax thing is going to go down with her, let alone my ah, well, my surgery. She already thinks I'm cheating. I can't -" His voice broke. "I can't even make love to her."

Carson held his wrist gently and monitored the physical manifestations of Rodney's deteriorating mental state. "Aye. Right, well, I'll prescribe some sedatives, heartburn, and blood pressure medications. Actually, some of these problems, like the ones with your wife, could be solved by simply tackling the issues head on and dealing with them. I'll refer you to an excellent on-base psychiatrist. She can sit with both you and your wife to discuss the dynamics of your work environment."

"Yeah, but what about the confidentiality wavers? I can't talk about anything that I see, hear, or do on the base."

"No, no. She can still help you. You won't be able to got into details, but you can indeed tell your wife about your sexual encounters," said Carson. "I'll set the whole thing up. Now, before we finish, I'll need a few wee samples of your blood."

Rodney nearly lost his granola at the sight of his blood leaving his arm, and by the time Carson finished with him, he felt as if he were going to pass out if he did not have something to eat, so Carson sent him off to the mess.

It was still early in the day, and there was only one airman eating. Rodney hoped he would be able to finish eating before anyone knew he had arrived. He filled a tray with a hamburger, fixings, and tater-tots. He finished quickly and stood to dispose of his tray and half eaten sandwich when a hand on his shoulder pushed him back down into his chair.

"Doc told me you're still underweight." It was Sheppard. He sat next to Rodney and set his tray next to Rodney's.

Kowalski and another light haired man sat across from them.

Rodney swallowed. "I - I need to get back to the lab."

The light-haired man chuckled. "He's a nervous little bugger, isn't he."

Kowalski hit the man in the arm with his elbow and laughed. "At least he talks. I can't remember the last time I heard your little Chuck make a peep, Lorne."

All three officers laughed. "That's the way I like it. He only opens his mouth for my cock," said Lorne. They laughed again.

Rodney squeezed the plastic seat of his chair and looked down at the table.

Sheppard slapped his back. "Eat up. You only had half your burger."

"I'm - I'm full," said Rodney. He knew it had been a stupid thing to say, so he picked up his burger. He ate and listened to the men discuss their sexual conquests. He couldn't swallow when Sheppard told them how he had begged to be touched while Sheppard fucked him.

"And I should have copies burned in a day or two." Rodney chocked on a piece of hamburger. Sheppard slapped his back. "Here, drink this." He pushed his glass of water to Rodney's lips.

Rodney drank, and the meat was dislodged from throat, so that he was able to breath.

"I still have to review the video, but I think the finale will be a real shocker." Sheppard's hand rested on Rodney's thigh. "Finish your plate, Rodney. Eat my tater tots, too." He picked up a tot and brought it to Rodney's mouth. He continued to hand-feed Rodney through the rest of the meal.

---

Rodney sat at his desk in the lab. He had promised to call Katie and tell her whether or not he would be coming home for the night. He dialed the phone. "Hey, it's me. Katie, it's looking like I won't be home tonight." A pause. "No, no. I wish I could tell you, but it's all classified." He did not know how to tell her that he would again be fucked by his boss tonight instead of reading the kids a bedtime story.

Without warning, the phone was pulled from his hand. "Mrs. McKay? Hi, there. This is Rodney's boss. Oh, yes, he's fitting in just fine. No, no. He's doing a fine job. Everyone here loves him. Oh, yes, he's making a lot of good friends. No, no, the house is simply part of my policy. All new employees have to have some place to hang their hat. You're too kind."

Rodney bit nervously at the hole still healing in his inner lip.

"I would love to come to dinner some time. Well, why not tonight? Sure, sure. No, I don't see any reason why he can't at least come home for dinner. Of course, I'll give him a ride. Yes, we'll be there in an hour with bells on. I'll bring the wine."

Rodney winced at the loud clank the phone made as Sheppard dropped it into the cradle. "You're not -"

"Your wife invited me to dinner. Finish your work here in the lab. I'll come back for you in a bit, and then we'll get going."

Before long, the two men were parked in front of a liquor store in town. When Sheppard went inside, Rodney contemplated jumping out of the jeep and making a run for it. He could disappear and never look back. He would never have to worry about Katie seeing the bite marks, the waxing, his newly circumcised penis. He'd never have to get on his knees in front of Sheppard again. By the time Rodney's hand reached the door handle, Sheppard was back with a bottle of wine. Soon after, Sheppard was knocking on the front door of the house he had bought for Rodney.

A child's screaming could be heard from inside, and Katie answered the door. She wore make-up and a new dress. Rodney could not remember the last time he had seen her in make-up.

"Hello, hello! Come in, come in. Oh, it's so good to finally meet you. You can't imagine what you've done for our family," said Katie.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Cleya jumped into Rodney's arms, and he held her close.

"Cleya, why don't you take Mister . . ." Katie looked at Rodney expectantly.

"Sheppard," Sheppard supplied helpfully.

"Mr. Sheppard's coat and put it in the closet." Katie smiled up at her guest. "I'm sorry. I must sound so rude, but Rodney hasn't even mentioned your name. Cleya, will you please do as I asked?"

Cleya held onto Rodney and dug her face into his chest. Good girl, thought Rodney. "She's shy," he mumbled.

"Here, I'll take it. And let me put this wine on ice," said Katie.

Sheppard shrugged his uniform coat off of his shoulders and asked, "Mm, what smells so good?"

Katie put the coat in the closet. She took Cleya out of Rodney's arms and took the girl and the wine into the kitchen. "Oh, I made a roast. You'll have to forgive me. It's been a long time since we've had a stove. I almost forgot how much I love cooking. That's another thing I have to thank you for."

Rodney whispered to Sheppard in his most demanding tone, "Promise me you won't hurt them" in a demanding tone.

Sheppard whispered back, "Why would I hurt them when I have you?"

Oblivious, Katie continued. "Truly, I don't know where we'd be living if it weren't for your help." She put the wine in a bucket and began filling it with ice.

Sheppard walked into the kitchen. "Mrs. McKay, your husband has a real talent, and he's doing our country a lot of good," he said.

"He's smart, I'll give you that, but that's hardly a reason to give us a fully furnished house. You spent a lot of extra money and went to a lot of trouble you didn't need to."

A scream of giggles came from the living room. Rodney had the two kids pinned to the couch and was tickling them thoroughly.

"Rodney!" Katie scolded. "We have a guest."

The giggling quieted but did not cease. Rodney quietly told his daughter, "Hey, go help your mom set the table."

"Kay," Cleya leapt off the couch and ran to the dinning room adjacent to the living room and kitchen.

"Casta, go help your sister."

Casta kissed his father, ran halfway to the kitchen before turning around to give him a second kiss.

Katie told Rodney and Sheppard, "Once you're washed up, we'll be ready to eat."

"Right," said Sheppard. "Rodney could you show me where your bathroom is?"

Rodney did not want to be alone with Sheppard, but he couldn't think of an excuse not to do as Sheppard asked. "Yeah, sure. This way." He led Sheppard to the main bathroom.

Sheppard pushed Rodney inside and pinned him to the counter, pushing their hips together. Sheppard kissed him deeply, but Rodney soon turned his head in disgust. Sheppard's hands pulled at the fastenings of Rodney's pants.

"No, no, no, no, please. Not here. God, please not here." Rodney squeezed Sheppard's forearms and wiggled his hips.

"Relax, relax. Hold still. Stop it." Sheppard held Rodney's wrists tight, making Rodney wince. The bruises hidden under his jacket made Rodney bite his lip as Sheppard squeezed tighter. "I'm not going to fuck you. Now turn around and pull down your pants."

Rodney whined and did as he was told. Sheppard couldn't be doing this. Not one room away from his family. "Shit, please. Just not here. Ah! Fuck! Ah, ah!" Rodney tried to be quiet, but the blunt object being forced into his ass made him want to scream. The tight ring of muscle spasmed and resisted the stretching. He breathed heavily, and tried not to think about how it made him really want to sit on a toilet.

"There. That wasn't so bad, was it. I want to make you nice and ready for later tonight. Trust me, this is for your benefit. You can pull your pants back up now."

Rodney readjusted himself with the butt plug secure inside of him. His knees went weak at the new sensation, and Sheppard held him up to keep him from falling to the floor.

"Suck it up. Now wash your hands for dinner."

Rodney did as he was told, and slowly walked back to the dinner table with his two kids and wife staring up at him the whole way. Rodney sat gingerly next to Katie, and Sheppard sat across from Rodney, who avoided Sheppard's gaze.

"So, Katie, can I call you Katie?"

"Of course," she said enthusiastically.

"What did you teach again?"

"Biology, but what I've always wanted to do is explore distant jungles and do field research on the plants no one has ever studied." She took the bowl of salad as Sheppard handed it to her. She dished herself and Rodney some of her salad before passing it on to Cleya. "I'm positive that there are undiscovered plants out there that could cure our most deadly diseases."

"Huh," said Sheppard. "I'll keep that in mind. I never know where our research might take us. You might be of special interest to our project in the future."

If Rodney's eyes could shoot daggers, Sheppard would be dead.

Katie refilled her glass of wine.

Sheppard began on his roast. "Oh, Katie! This is delicious. Wow. This is just unbelievable," Sheppard moaned.

Yeah, you can buy me a house, but you can't afford to feed us at the SGC with anything better than salisbury steak and lasagna, thought Rodney. His left butt check was going numb and he gently shifted his weight to his right side.

"Rodney, you have a wife who can cook this well, and you still haven't gained weight?"

Katie laughed. "When I was still in grad school, I used to tease him about his love handles."

Sheppard impaled a carrot with his fork. "So you and he went to school together?"

Katie swallowed a mushroom. "Um, not exactly. I was in school at Washington State University, and I accidentally found myself in an astrophysics lecture. Rodney was participating in an international exchange program while finishing his final dissertation. He offered me a seat at the lecture, and . . . one thing led to another, and now we have two beautiful kids."

Sheppard looked at Rodney. "How did you get into the country?"

Rodney still hadn't eaten anything, but had moved his food around his plate. Who would have an appetite with a butt plug in their ass? "It was before the war. I was lucky to move here when I did. I haven't been back to Canada since." Rodney looked up and smiled at his wife.

Cleya piped in, "I was a . . ." she looked up in thought, "''an unexpected present.' Mommy said the stork came early with me." She smiled gleefully.

Both children were unexpected. Rodney could not afford prophylactics and he felt ashamed with himself that he couldn't control himself enough around Katie. They could not provide a comfortable life for themselves, let alone two young children. Despite the unwanted pregnancies, Rodney was still thankful for the gift that his children really were. Just to hold and kiss them was enough to make Rodney's heart swell with love.

Too soon, the meal was over, and Sheppard was eyeing Rodney.

"That was lovely, Katie."

"Well, stop by anytime. You are more than welcome."

"I might just do that. I really hate to go, but Rodney and I need to get back to the base."

Katie frowned and Cleya pouted. Casta clanked his baby spoon against his plate, oblivious.

"Well, Rodney has some very sensitive experiments brewing. He can't leave them unattended for too long. We might need his assistance at a moment's notice."

"Well, that's simple enough. Rodney, why couldn't you at least tell me that much?" asked Katie, indignantly.

Rodney did not respond, but poured himself another glass of wine and drank it all down.

Katie hit his leg with her foot under the table. "Rodney please. You're embarrassing me," she whispered.

Sheppard stood up from his chair. "C'mon, Rodney. It's that time again. We need to edit last night's work."

Katie retrieved Sheppard's jacket, and Rodney hugged and kissed his kids good-night. Sheppard hugged Katie, and Rodney seethed silently.

"Bye, Honey. I love you," Katie said before she closed the front door behind them.

Rodney waved and reached for the bar of the jeep to pull himself inside. Suddenly he was yanked back to the ground. Sheppard turned him around and slammed him into the side of the vehicle. He set one hand on Rodney's hip and held Rodney's face with the other. He plundered Rodney's mouth with his tongue and growled hungrily.

Rodney struggled and was finally successful in pushing the man off of him. He quickly glanced at the front door of the house. No one was at the door or windows, and he privately thanked whichever god was watching out for him just then. He pushed Sheppard hard again. "Don't ever do that near my family! Not ever!"

Sheppard caught and squeezed Rodney's wrists. Sheppard always knew how to hurt him the most with the least amount of effort. Rodney winced, and Sheppard slammed him hard against the jeep again. "I do what ever the fuck I want, where I want, and in front of whoever the fuck I want! Get that?" He was yelling so forcefully that a dog a block away began to bark, and spit was expelled from his mouth and onto Rodney's face.

Rodney nearly wet his pants, but he held his ground. "Fuck me whereever you want, but never near my family!" Sheppard's eyes were still furious, and Rodney broke quickly. "Please. Please, not in front of them."

"There. All you have to do is ask nicely." Sheppard let him go, and they both got into the jeep.

Sheppard flicked on the stereo. Soon he was singing along to Johnny Cash as if nothing had happened. Rodney noted that jeeps were really not the vehicle of choice while wearing a butt plug.

They were quickly back at the SGC and inside their shared room.

This time a television set was on the dresser across from the bed, and the camera was on its tripod and pointed at the foot of the bed.

Rodney shuddered. He recalled Sheppard's earlier words about asking nicely, so he decided to plead, "John?" This was the first time Rodney had ever used Sheppard's first name. "Um, I really, really, really don't want to use the ring again. It really hurt. I was in agony and, and, and -"

Sheppard took hold of Rodney's flailing hands. "You have such strange hand gestures. Is it a Canadian thing? You have nothing to worry about." He let go of Rodney's hands. He moved to place one of his hands on Rodney's ass, while he ran the index finger of his other hand down Rodney's chest at a leisurely pace, all the way from Rodney's adam's apple to his groin. Sheppard trailed his finger around the groin area and then his hand moved to cup Rodney's penis. He began to rub at Rodney through his pants, lightly and slowly, as he moved to whisper into Rodney's ear. "Tonight is all about how easily you come."

"Oh." Rodney was undecided if what Sheppard wanted was a good or bad thing.

"Are you ready?" Sheppard moved away and began to strip.

Rodney averted his eyes and thought. He had prepared himself after lunch, but it couldn't hurt to add more lube. God, he hated walking around with that crap in his crack. "Um, I - I could use a minute in the bathroom. Is it alright to take the, the, thing out of me now?"

"No. I'll do that." Sheppard steered Rodney into the bathroom but instead of helping Rodney with the plug, he began to brush his teeth.

Rodney decided to do the same thing. Katie's roast had been a tad too garlicky.

When they both finished, Sheppard indicated that Rodney should lower his pants and boxers, and then he bent him over the sink and removed the butt plug. Rodney grunted and squeezed the sink. It was such a strange sensation to feel another person remove the large object like his stomach was being pulled out of his ass, and it left Rodney feeling strangely empty. He untied and removed his boots before he kicked his pants off his feet.

Sheppard then pushed at Rodney's shoulders, guiding him onto the scale against the wall. "Step up onto it. Why aren't you gaining any weight?" Sheppard asked him accusatorily. "I provide three big meals a day."

Rodney did not have an answer, but his mouth opened and closed and his hands did that thing.

Sheppard moved to let Rodney step off the scale. "Do whatever you need to do to get ready, and then get on the bed."

"Right. Um, can, can I have a little privacy?"

Sheppard rolled his eyes and left for the bedroom.

Rodney reached in his pants' pocket and found the new tube of lube. He squeezed a little out onto his index and middle finger and applied it to his anus. He took off his jacket and shirt, and quickly massaged some of the hair inhibiting cream into his skin. He avoided looking at his reflection in the mirror above the sink as he kicked the pile of his dirty clothes to a corner.

While Rodney was in the bathroom, Sheppard must have had food delivered to their room. A tray of bite-sized, sliced fruits was sitting on one side of the bed. Rodney sat gently on the other side of the bed, being careful not to disturb the tray.

Sheppard was standing at the foot of the bed. He pressed a few buttons on the camera, and Rodney could hear the machine begin to record. He chewed on his lip again.

Sheppard pushed and urged Rodney to lie on his back with his head placed on the pillow. He splayed out on top of Rodney, making certain their groins were touching. Rodney could feel that Sheppard was already hard.

Sheppard rested his weight on one elbow, then reached for one of the slices of cantaloupe from the tray on his right side. He touched the tip of the slice to Rodney's lips.

Rodney opened his mouth expecting to be fed, but Sheppard ran the slice of fruit around the rim of Rodney's open mouth. Rodney did not want to play another one of Sheppard's games, so he simply closed his mouth.

"Ah, ah, ah. Take everything I put in your mouth," Sheppard corrected.

Rodney sighed inwardly and opened his mouth again.

The fruit continued around his top lip, then around the bottom, until finally it slid inside of his mouth. Rodney had never realized how sensitive his lips could be. With the fruit inside his mouth, he closed his lips and chewed. A burst of flavor enveloped his tongue. He swallowed and opened his mouth in expectance of the next piece.

Sheppard repeated his actions, this time sucking on Rodney's throat as he swallowed the fruit he'd been fed. Sheppard's mouth continued moving lower until he latched upon a nipple.

Without body hair, the heightened sensation of Sheppard's tongue swirling and sucking made Rodney feel more vulnerable but also highly aroused. His member began to throb with increasing blood flow.

Sheppard lifted his mouth away from Rodney's chest, leaving the nipple wet, and he massaged it with a finger. He placed a slice of honey dew melon in his own mouth, then brought his lips down on Rodney's.

Rodney's mouth opened automatically and Sheppard bit the morsel in half for them to share.

Sheppard placed another slice of melon between his teeth. He trailed it from Rodney's nipple, along his collarbone, up his neck, and pushed it into his mouth. As Rodney chewed, Sheppard sucked and licked at the trail of juice left behind on the skin. Rodney realized he was fully hard with the pleasure of feeling the larger man's warm breath and tongue possessing him.

Heat radiated off of Sheppard's body and made Rodney feel eager for his touch. Rodney's heartbeat increased and his breathing speeded up. "Wait! Stop! Please," he said.

Sheppard lifted his head from where he had been suckling on Rodney's ear lobe. He rubbed the tip of his nose along the side of Rodney's face.

"What? Why? Doesn't this feel good?" Rodney's brown furrowed. He pushed at Sheppard's shoulder and sat upright. "No, no. That's the problem. This is feeling good. I - I can't. This can't feel good. I can't feel this way with you. It just can't."

Sheppard pushed him back down onto the pillow. "I want you to feel good." He kissed Rodney on his increasingly sensitive lips.

Their lips made an audible pop as the suction was lost when Rodney pushed the colonel's face away from his again.

"Why? Why are you trying to make me feel good all of a sudden? It's not like you really care if I enjoy what you do to me."

Sheppard slowly licked the side of Rodney's neck before answering, "I already told you. Tonight is about how easily you come."

Rodney frowned at hearing this. He turned his head to the side away from Sheppard's questing lips.

"No, I don't like you making me come. I'm sleeping with you because I have no other choice. I don't want to feel good around you . . . I don't want to have sex with you, I don't like it."

Sheppard turned Rodney's head to face him again and placed a grape in Rodney's mouth. He held Rodney's chin between thumb and forefinger, looking at him intensely as he spoke.

"No, but I like having sex with you. I like how you fight me. I like making you lose control, so you are going come for me tonight. I'm going to make you come so hard you're balls'll ache, and you won't remember how much you hate the way you feel." He kissed Rodney again, harder than before.

Rodney swallowed and pushed at Sheppard's head and chest. "No. I can't anymore."

Sheppard continued to plunder Rodney's mouth while his hands moved to hold Rodney's wrists. He squeezed hard, too hard.

Rodney scrunched his face in pain.

"I'm going to fuck you, and you are going to like it. You got that?!" Sheppard growled in his ear.

Rodney's erection began to diminish, and he felt panic begin to rise within him. "Fuck off!"

Sheppard pinned Rodney's body into stillness.

"Oh, I get it. You want me to hurt you, to bend you over and start rutting in your ass. Is that it? You wanna get fucked hard and fast, so you can't feel guilty about feeling good? You like how good I make you feel, and that scares you. Good, I like you scared, but not tonight."

Rodney struggled in vain against the colonel's superior weight and strength.

Sheppard grabbed Rodney's face and held it still. "Stop it. Tonight, you're going to come, and you're going to like it. You're going to like my big dick in your tight, little hole. Your hole was made for fucking. Now sit up." Sheppard pulled Rodney up and positioned him on his knees at the foot of the bed.

"I love my wife." Rodney looked into the camera. "I love my wife, and I'm not choosing to sleep with you, Sheppard."

Sheppard moved the fruit to the bedside table before he sat on his calves behind Rodney and stroked his long, thick shaft to his hardest. "Fuck, you know exactly what to say to make me hard, don't you, you little cunt of a man?" Sheppard began to pull and push at Rodney's hips, finally he positioned Rodney so that Rodney could easily sit back on his lap. "You want to make this a fight? Fine. That's fine, but you can't deny how much you love my dick."

Sheppard moved so that Rodney could feel his hard length resting between his cheeks, its tip resting just at his entrance.

He held Rodney firmly, but his voice began to soften in his ear. "Be honest with yourself. You like dick. You like sucking it, and you like having dick inside of you. Sit. Sit down."

Rodney's head hung low and he resisted impaling himself on Sheppard's penis. "I hate you so much. Shit! No . . . ah . . . ah! Fuck!" His body went rigid as it was forced onto Sheppard's unyielding shaft. His sphincter muscle initially resisted the blunt head, but Sheppard's penis soon slid easily inside of him as the butt plug had kept Rodney's body open and ready.

Sheppard did not thrust. "There. That's it. Just get used to it. Wait until it feels good."

Rodney whined and moaned. "John, please? I can't."

"Shh." He stroked Rodney's neck and chest in response. "Easy. Relax until your body gets used to it. I'm bigger than the plug. Oh, now we can't have you limp on camera, Rodney." He began stroking Rodney to fullness. "There. You should be proud to show off your newly cut dick. See how it looks so much bigger without hair?"

Rodney whined and tried to move John's hands away from his genitals.

Sheppard held both of Rodney's hands with one of his own and continued to stroke Rodney with his free hand. "I didn't think I'd have to tie your hands for this one. This is not yours. I've told you that. You don't touch here." Sheppard squeezed Rodney's growing erection to make his point.

Rodney's penis twitched. He breathed hard, indignantly. Sheppard's hold on his hands relaxed, but Rodney held on to John's wrists as John stroked his member and massaged his balls. Rodney moaned as the nerves in his testicles and rapidly hardening penis sent little flutters of pleasure to the pit of his stomach. Finally, his head rolled back onto John's shoulder and rested there. Rodney's face was cross and anguished, but his hips began to rock back and forth in anticipation of John's caresses as they made his ass rise and fall slightly on John's unyielding member. Rodney's mouth opened just the slightest bit.

John whispered into Rodney's ear, "That's it baby. Take it like that. Let it feel good inside of you."

Rodney's hips slowed slightly at the disgusting comment, but his hips did not stop rocking.

"That's it. It's so hot how you leak for me. You're so close to coming already." John slicked his fingers with Rodney's pre-come, usit it to ease the friction on the tip of Rodney's penis as he stroked. He brought his left thumb to Rodney's open mouth and smeared the extra ejaculate on Rodney's bottom lip.

Without thinking Rodney licked at it. The bitterness was a sharp contrast to the lingering taste of the sweet fruit.

"You like how that tastes? Yeah, you like the taste of your own come." He slowed the frequency of his strokes.

Rodney's needy penis caused his hips to thrust forward and back to keep up the needed friction of John's hands; he inadvertently moved himself up and down on the hard penis inside of him.

God, it felt so good!

Rodney's stomach and loins began to feel heavy as if they contained a weighty magnet, which forced his body to follow the source of its pleasure. A little sigh escaped his lips and he pushed at John's arms to make him stroke faster, Rodney knew better than to touch himself again.

He couldn't stop himself from begging. "Please, John. Please."

John's hips didn't move, he didn't thrust into Rodney. His right hand moved from Rodney's groin, but he left his other hand with the fingers in an 'O' shape for Rodney to thrust into. John reached with his free hand for a remote control on the bed.

The television set in front of them turned on and began to play the film Sheppard had recorded the previous night. "This is John Sheppard with Dr. Rodney McKay, my newest astrophysicist." The dialog continued until Sheppard moved out of the shot to reveal Rodney on the bed.

At the sight of his own image laying on Sheppard's bed, Rodney's hips stopped. "Oh, god!"

John's free hand moved to tweak one of Rodney's nipples. "Pretty cool, uh? Recording us having sex while we watch us having sex. Very kinky." He positioned his face so he could watch the screen while he licked Rodney's neck and moved his fingers to tease the nipple.

The film showed Rodney himself, from the night before, accepting Sheppard's kiss.

"Oh, go!" As the film showed Rodney accepting Sheppard's kiss, Rodney asked in a wavering voice, "Oh, am I really that thin?"

"What do you mean? You've seen yourself in the mirror."

"No, no. Look! My ribs are showing. My arms are so thin and small compared to yours."

Rodney's inner muscles clenched at his newfound insecurities, and John bit his lip to resist pounding into the tight channel. "You've always been like that. What's the problem?"

Rodney breathed quickly and shallow. "No, no, no! God, I look like a Holocaust victim or some kind of prisoner of war."

John paused the tape just as his film counterpart demanded, "Get on your knees."

Rodney moaned pitifully at the sight of himself on the screen. He looked away from the TV and squeezed John's forearms.

"Hey, hey." John freed one of his hands and used it to turn Rodney's face toward his own. "Hey, calm down. We'll get you better, okay? I promise. You will get better. Okay?"

Rodney sighed, closing his eyes to avoid seeing any more, and nodded his chin.

John dropped his hand from Rodney's face and took a firm hold of Rodney's thick penis. He stroked the vein on the underside and said, "Open your eyes. Just watch me. Watch my penis going inside of your little hole."

He pushed the play button and rocked his hips slightly to get Rodney back on track. "There you go, baby."

In response to the encouragement from John's rigid dick inside him, Rodney opened his eyes and began to slowly rock his hips back and forth. Rodney watched as on the television screen Sheppard was licking his back and the cold dog tags were trailing down his spine. Rodney's back shivered in a sympathetic response despite himself. His dick twitched in John's hands as he watched Sheppard licked his anus. It was so gross, but his sphincter clenched of its own accord at the sight of it happening and it sent a pleasurable shiver up Rodney's lower back. His hips began to move a little faster.

John groaned as Rodney's inner muscles tightened at the sight of John's dick being pushed inside of Rodney's film counterpart. John felt Rodney's dick throbbing furiously as his on-screen counterpart thrust quickly inside of Rodney's rigid body.

Rodney held onto John's hands. His thrusts and movements were not as precise or as steady as John, but he was certainly enjoying watching himself get fucked. His breathing was heavy and labored.

"That's it, baby," Sheppard murmured. "You see how hard your dick is with that cock ring?"

"Oh, crap! Oh, no!" Rodney dug his short nails into John's arm and stilled himself.

"What?" Sheppard was growing frustrated at yet another pause.

"It's going to hurt. The ring! I couldn't come. Oh, that hurt me so much."

John pushed at Rodney's hips. "No, I cut that part out."

Rodney watched as the TV Sheppard's arm reached under the TV Rodney's bony chest and up to Rodney's open mouth.

The Rodney on the screen begged "Fuck! Harder!", and then the video jumped a frame to the TV Sheppard standing and staring at Rodney, Sheppard's quickly growing erection plainly visible.

This evidence of Sheppard's arousal the night before made Rodney thrust back at John eagerly. "Mmm. You got hard looking at me," Rodney said with a husky and satisfied voice.

John was bringing him so close, but then he slowly removed his hands from Rodney's penis and moved his hands to hold firmly onto Rodney's sensitive inner thighs.

"No, please," Rodney moaned at the loss of contact. He resisted touching himself, instead he squeezed John's arms until his knuckles turned white.

John urged into Rodney's ear, "Come on, baby. You can do this without me. Watch the TV."

He deliberately did not thrust into Rodney, instead he guided Rodney's thighs, to move Rodney up and down on his shaft. His thumbs caressed the hollows between the tendons at the base of Rodney's thighs.

Rodney thrust harder and faster, hoping to regain friction on his dick from somewhere, anywhere. He watched his purple, painfully hard member on the screen, and he remembered how he had concentrated on the pure, white hot pleasure building in his loins. How it coiled tightly in his abdomen as it radiated out from John's cock touching the gland inside his body.

He watched his head tip back and heard himself moaning. He mirrored his own actions. The pleasure he was feeling was so strong that he couldn't hold his eyes open any longer, so he closed them and concentrated on the sound of his moans coming from the TV.

"That's it, baby. That's it," John soothed.

Rodney's loins were on fire! His balls tightened and he - "Ah, ahhh," a quick, gasp and then "ah, ahhh, ah, John!"

The orgasm originated entirely from the sensations of John being deep inside his body. Rodney pistoned his hips harder and faster.

"John, ahh.. I need you . . ."

Warm ejaculate pulsed onto Rodney's stomach and thighs. It was the longest lasting release he'd ever experienced. His body was humming and covered in sweat. He went limp, resting his head on John's shoulders. He breathed heavily up in John's face. He opened his eyes in surprise when he felt John press his lips to his own.

The kiss was so gentle. It was not a kiss of lust, nor did it seek pleasure. It was warm and sensual. The pressure did not increase, but they held the kiss for a long time. They looked at each other deeply before closing their eyes as the warmth filled them.

Finally John pulled away, and Rodney's eyes found his, they were dark and clear. Sheppard held Rodney's gaze as he thrust once ever so gently. He still needed release. The thrust was a question.

"It's okay," Rodney answered. "It's okay."

John thrust once more. His hands left Rodney's thighs and moved over each muscle of Rodney's abdomen, each rib.

The TV cast a pure white light as the video came to an end.

Rodney caught the hands at his chest and intertwined his fingers with John's. Their hands were trembling, and they both squeezed tighter.

John was the first to break their eye contact to study Rodney's face. His eyes locked on the bruise on Rodney's shoulder. He sighed and kissed the bite mark delicately. His brow furrowed.

"It's okay," Rodney offered.

John just barely shook his head. He kissed Rodney's lips again before he adjusted his legs. Still inside of Rodney, he turned them both a hundred and eighty degrees until they were facing the pillows at the top of the bed. John kept his fingers interlocked with Rodney's as their joined hands supported their bodies' weight.

Rodney pushed back to encourage John's release.

"No. Not like this." John pulled out, and Rodney whined quietly at the loss. John untangled their hands and pushed at Rodney's shoulders to urge him onto his back.

Rodney rolled onto his back and tried not to look at his own release smeared all over his left side. He winced as John hiked up his legs. John reached for a pillow and placed it under Rodney's hips. Rodney gave John a small smile.

John watched his face intently, watching for any signs of discomfort from Rodney as he slowly put himself back inside the tight heat.

Rodney wrapped his hands around John's neck and brought him down for another kiss. He moaned into John's mouth as John pushed all the way inside Rodney's body.

John lightly fingered the straining tendons in Rodney's neck. He pulled Rodney up slightly and held tightly onto his shoulder blades, kissing him eagerly. His hips pulled back slightly and then pushed back in ever so gently. He did it again and whimpered into Rodney's open mouth.

Rodney squeezed John in his arms until they held each other chest to chest. He reveled in the heavy, minty sighs John huffed onto his lips. "Please, John, it's okay. Come inside of me. Please." He ran his fingers through the other man's unruly, dark hair.

John's body tensed and shook and he cried mournfully, his face pressed into Rodney's neck.

Rodney held him for a moment, feeling John's hips spasming uncontrollably, John's cock pulsing deep inside him.

When John's hips had stilled, Rodney helped him lay his spent body on the bed. He kissed John's face as the other man struggled to regain his breath.

John held Rodney tightly. Their eyes locked once again. John spoke so quietly that Rodney barely heard, "Well, that was different."

"Yeah." Rodney's breathing began to hitch again. His lips quivered and tears welled in his eyes.

"No, no. Please don't. Don't be upset." John squeezed him to his chest, and Rodney buried his face in the crook of John's neck. John cold feel wetness there. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Rodney woke to a sticky mess between his fingers, on his neck, behind his ears, all over his chest and legs, and of course inside of his ass and between his cheeks. His sticky, messy chest and legs were stuck to another warm, hard body.

He opened his eyes and saw John looking down at him.

John broke the silence with, "Good morning."

Rodney mouthed, "Morning."

"Are you alright?"

Rodney whispered, "Yeah." Rodney's right hand was still resting on John's chest after he had placed it there last night. "Um, about last night . . ."

John's face bore an intense expression as he said, "It was good, wasn't it. I've never had it quite like that."

Rodney pulled his hand off of John's chest and put it at his side. "You mean the sex or do you mean the, uh . . . you know?"

John's face was unreadable. "We should get up." Sheppard disentangled himself from Rodney and stood to go to his private bathroom.

Rodney dutifully followed. The most unnerving aspect of being naked in a bathroom with John, thought Rodney, was not the nudity itself, but how natural and normal it was beginning to feel.

Sheppard urinated into the toilet, and Rodney tried to pretend not to notice. John then washed his hands.

Rodney really needed to pee, but he knew that Sheppard would not leave the room to allow for privacy, so he did as Sheppard had just done. He held his penis over the toilet to aim and -

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Sheppard yelled.

If Rodney still had hair, it would be standing on end. "What? What? What did I do wrong?" Rodney nearly lost bladder control.

"How are you not understanding this?" Sheppard stood behind Rodney and pressed their bodies together. He ripped Rodney's hands away from his own member.

Rodney jumped when Sheppard took a firm hold on his flaccid penis.

"This. Is. Mine. Not yours. You do not touch this dick, ever. You get that?"

Rodney was breathing hard. He was so confused. Didn't he and John make a connection last night? Didn't the man apologize for treating Rodney the way he did?

"Are you understanding me?" Sheppard squeezed the penis slightly.

No, Rodney did not understand. He whimpered quietly in confusion.

Sheppard spoke into Rodney's ear, his voice deep and intense, "Rodney, you are mine. I own you. All of you. If I tell you, you can't touch something, you will obey me."

Rodney was still not indicating that he understood what Sheppard was telling him.

"Alright, repeat after me," Sheppard said. "I will not touch."

"I - I will . . . not touch."

"John Sheppard's property."

"John Sheppard's property."

Sheppard's voice was loud in Rodney's right ear. "I will not touch this penis again." Sheppard took a firmer hold of Rodney to make his message clear.

"I will not . . . touch . . ." Rodney swallowed a lump in his throat, ". . . this penis again." The final statement sent a wash of shame over his body before the feeling settled in his stomach.

"Good, now pee," commanded Sheppard.

"I - I can't." Rodney wanted to be good. He did not enjoy having Sheppard mad at him, but he just couldn't do it. It was hard enough for him to pee with someone in the room, but to have someone else holding his dick compounded his fear and inability to urinate. "I'm trying. I'm trying."

"I won't ask again."

"Give me a second. I'm trying. Just, just wait, please." Like his past two orgasms, Rodney needed to focus on the urges and concentrate on pushing the sensations to build it into something more. "It's coming. It's coming, just wait, please." Rodney swallowed and relaxed the muscles holding the urine back. His whole body screamed to not give into Sheppard, to not let his hot fluids flow through the penis in Sheppard's hand, but -

Sheppard breathed in his ear, "That's it, baby. That wasn't so hard."

Rodney's urine came out in short, continuous bursts as his bladder contracted while simultaneously his internal muscles fought against Rodney's will. A strange sounding squeak caught in his throat when he finished. His bladder pulsed as if sighing to itself in relief.

John kissed Rodney on the neck.

Rodney's chest heaved to catch his breath at the exertion.

Sheppard shook the penis to remove a remaining drop of fluid.

Rodney's breath hitched as he felt Sheppard begin to firmly stroke his dick. "No, no, no. I'm not ready. It's too soon. I can't yet. Please, John, it's too soon."

The hand continued its molestation. "You're mine, and I'll decide when you've had enough.

"Shit!"

Sheppard's hands were dry and the stickiness on Rodney's member made it feel that much worse on every upstroke.

The sickening sensations building in his groin were so overwhelming that Rodney was desperate for something to hold onto. His hands were frantic to pull Sheppard's hand away, but they obeyed Sheppard's rule. Rodney could do nothing but ball his hands into fists and drop his head back on Sheppard's shoulder.

"Come on, baby. Get hard for me. We're not going anywhere until you come."

Rodney pouted. "Mmm, I can't. This doesn't feel good. Damn it, John, please. This feels terrible. God, I need my lube! Please, John, it's in my pocket over there."

"Lube is for your ass, baby."

Rodney was trembling. Then suddenly, bitter, salty fingers were being forced inside his mouth.

"Open, open." Sheppard's fingers coated themselves with Rodney's saliva and went straight for Rodney's penis.

Rodney coughed, but the easy slippery sensation of Sheppard's slick fingers on his member eased his tension. His back muscles relaxed slightly, and his body molded closer into John. His hips rocked of their own accord. The previous sickening sensation on his member eased, and a flutter of pleasure began to grow in his stomach as he hardened at John's ministrations.

"Shh, baby. Just relax. You're too tense. Just let yourself feel good. There you go. So good. See how good you can feel when you just give yourself over to me?" John's murmurings in Rodney's ear were hypnotic. Very quickly, Rodney's dick was fully engorged and attempting to reach Rodney's navel.

"Look how happy it looks. Look."

Rodney looked down at his semen streaked abdomen to see his erect penis begging for John's touch like some kind of pet, eager for the strokes of its master.

"You should take a lesson in obedience from him." Sheppard chuckled. He used his other hand to massage Rodney's testicles. He rolled them in his palm and fingered the sensitive nerves between the penis and balls. Then a finger pressed behind his balls to gently massage the perineum and the prostate glad just beneath the skin.

Rodney was trying to breath away the pleasurable feelings, but they were building for Sheppard. Maybe his penis really did belong to the colonel.

Rodney tried to focus on how disgusting this all was. The cock and balls on his ass, the toilet in front of him full of both men's urine, and the scent of Sheppard's dried sweat mingling with Rodney's fresh perspiration.

Rodney's knees buckled. Those disgusting thoughts went straight to his penis. He groaned.

John removed the hand on Rodney's balls and squeezed Rodney's torso tightly. "I gotcha, I gotcha. Hold onto me, buddy."

Rodney held onto John's arms for support. He felt as though the fluttering coil in his stomach was trying to leap out through his dick and into John's waiting hand. His head tipped back, his eyelids felt heavy, and his testicles tightened and, "Ah, ah . . . John! Shit! Mmm . . . John! John! John!"

John's arm kept him from falling straight to the floor. His ejaculate striped across his chest and nipple, arm, and chin.

John stroked him though his orgasm while still holding his limp body up off the floor.

Rodney mewled.

"Shh, you're okay. You did so good." John kissed the top of Rodney's head. "Come on. Get into the shower. You did so good for me, baby."

Rodney's eyes were still glazed over, and he stumbled into the shower. The water enveloped him like a warm blanket.

This time, John washed him, inside and out. He dried Rodney with a preheated towel. He applied the hair growth inhibitor cream to his entire body, and he even had Rodney bend over the sink, so he could insert the lube inside of Rodney with his larger fingers.

Rodney held onto John the whole time, still not able to support his own meek weight. John had sapped all of Rodney's energy in that last orgasm.

After they dressed, John led Rodney to the mess and brought him a large tray of eggs, sausage, and muffins for them to share.

Rodney didn't care if anyone saw John feed Rodney every single bite.

Sheppard walked Rodney back to his lab after breakfast, and his arm kept bumping into Rodney's as they followed the green line along the floor to the astrometrics lab. "Show me what you're working on," John whispered in Rodney's ear, the sound tickling small hairs.

A card was swiped into a door lock, and Rodney was suddenly pushed backwards into his customary chair in the lab. He was jarred by the sudden disconnection from John. He balanced himself against the table with one hand and pulled at John's coat with the other, not wanting to separate from him. Everything about John tingled through Rodney's body. He couldn't decide to push the man away or pull him closer. Something like that pivotal moment when relenting over the control in you body to give into the painful leg cramps, which would eventually surrender to pleasurable pins and needles.

His fingers curled into a fist on the table and inadvertently pulled yesterday's data into his hand. Rodney tore his eyes from John's dark ones.

John leaned into Rodney sapping every bit of Rodney's inner strength.

The string of numbers on the paper made no sense, at least when John's thighs were pushing into his knees.

"Rodney?" John looked down at the paper.

"Ah, um, ah yeah. Um, I don't know - I don't know what I'm working on. I - I . . ."

John gave him an understanding smile. "I should come back later then." John pulled away from Rodney and looked to the door.

"No, no. Actually, I've wanted to talk to somebody about this." Seeing John's willingness to listen, Rodney continued, "I don't know what I'm doing at all. Dr. Carter gives Dr. Lee data, which is processed by Dr. Zelenka, who then gives it to me. John, I'm a brilliant astrophysicist, and I'm just checking everyone's math. Now, I know I haven't been here that long, but I'd really like the clearance to finally be able to make a difference at this place." Rodney's hands gestured in the air. "And I don't think it's too much to - "

John held Rodney's crooked fingers and plundered Rodney's mouth. Rodney obliged him and sucked and dueled John's tongue with his own. John finally pulled away. "I'll think about it. I'll see you at lunch." He swiveled Rodney in his chair until Rodney faced the table, and he left Rodney in his usual confused state.

Rodney looked for a moment at the black tabletop contemplating the consequences of his request. He looked up.

Radek's glasses flashed the reflection of his lamplight as he peeked over his computer monitor.

Rodney stomach turned cold. "I - I . . ."

Radek fumbled with stacks of yellow folders. "I do not wish to know."

Rodney blinked and looked at the algorithms on the data report. "Right." Suddenly the numbers made sense. Numbers always make sense.

---

That afternoon when Rodney left the lab to go relieve himself in the restroom down the hall, he stared at the urinal for several long seconds. What should he do? Should he just stand and pee like usual? What if John came in the bathroom and found him touching himself?

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

This new development in his relationship with Sheppard was so confusing. Rodney felt angry for allowing himself to be lulled into a sense of ease by Sheppard's recent kinder behavior. The man was psychotic and dangerous. Rodney had been genuinely surprised when Sheppard had reverted into the domineering sociopath after that sensual lovemaking. Was it lovemaking or just another fucking game? There was certainly no question that he made all the rules in Rodney's life now. Rodney told himself that the way Sheppard had played with his body, and the way he made Rodney feel so good had clouded his wits and stopped him from thinking clearly. This attempt at rationalization did not stop Rodney from feeling disgusted with himself when memories of what they had recently done together - of what he had happily let Sheppard do to him - flashed through his mind.

Rodney dug into his pocket but he couldn't find his anti-anxiety pills, so he punched the wall. The pain didn't really help, Rodney was getting too used to ignoring pain. He slammed open a stall door, pulled down his pants, and sat on the toilet.

I just won't think about it. Don't think about it!

But Sheppard's command echoed in his mind anyway. "This. Is. Mine. Not yours. You do not touch this dick,ever. You get that?"

Rodney bit his lip and relieved himself. He whimpered and tried to hold himself together. Fuck! Rodney had asked Sheppard to come inside him. He thought the man was finally coming to his senses, and then the fucker had made Rodney urinate while he held his dick. Suddenly it all became too much. Rodney beat his fist into his thigh before breaking down into angry sobs. He slapped his face and wiped his eyes. He growled before flushing the toilet and pulling his pants back up.

He washed his hands and threw water on his face. He slowly brought his face up from the sink to look into the mirror. His cheeks were still hollow, and his temples protruded, but there was a subtle improvement under his eyes. His hair was growing out and his skin was no longer so sallow.

He thought of Dr Becket's advice. ". . . the more you keep him occupied with your mouth, the less he'll want to use your backside."

Was this Rodney's fault? Was he not propositioning Sheppard enough to use his mouth? He pulled himself together and stormed down the corridor. Somehow he found himself in the infirmary, sitting on his usual bed. A blond nurse with exceptionally large breasts glared at him, but she spoke to someone behind the curtain.

Carson emerged and sat down on his customary stool in front of Rodney.

"I'm not keeping you -" Rodney began.

Carson interrupted. "No, no, Rodney I have time. Are you all right? Are you okay?"

Rodney's fists gestured but he could not form an appropriate answer for a moment or two. "God, Carson, I, I . . . can't. I can't do any more of this," he managed eventually. "It's still hard. I've been trying my best, but..." Rodney took a deep breath, "Carson, I don't know how much longer I can handle this sicko. I'm . . . I'm trying the sedatives you gave me, but I'm still not calming down. I'm just not the kind of person who can handle being used like this on a daily basis."

Carson moved his stool on wheels over to a floor cabinet. He extracted something wrapped in plastic and wheeled back to Rodney's side. He held it up for Rodney to see.

"This is a mouthpiece sized for someone else here in a similar situation to yours."

Rodney studied it. It looked like some kind of an orthodontic device.

"It fits inside his mouth and restricts his ability to close his jaw," Carson explained.

Rodney took the mouthpiece from Carson's hands. "So he can't bite?"

"Exactly," Carson confirmed. "The mouthpiece secures around the molars and encompasses the teeth entirely. The wearer's powerless to keep out any foreign object. The tongue is allowed to be free, but essentially . . . "

"He can't stop a dick from fucking his mouth."

Carson sighed. "I don't mean to scare you Rodney, but you are not unique in your problems. What I do want to stress to you is that you need to figure out a way to deal with your emotions."

Rodney handed the orthodontic device back to the doctor. "And what you're also trying to tell me is that my situation is not so bad."

Carson grimaced. "No Rodney, your situation is bad. I can't deny that, but some people have it worse."

"How come you and Radek haven't had to . . . well, you're not with someone, are you?"

"No," Carson replied. "We're here because of our scientific research only. We're not sure why, but all of the worst officers already had their . . ."

"Toys." Rodney used Sheppard's word for him.

Carson continued. "I suppose they already had what they needed. He and I arrived when they weren't interested in anything new, and we've been here long enough that we've faded into the background."

Rodney plucked up his courage to ask Carson for more information. "You mentioned that Sheppard had other . . . there were others."

"Aye," Carson said darkly. "Yes, Peter Grodin and Miko kusanagi. Poor Miko was a tiny, wee woman. A genius but she was small even by Japanese standards. She endured the worst of the abuse."

Carson rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes before he continued. "Sheppard had been using the sarcophagus on a weekly basis for two months. They were attempting to reverse engineer a glider on Abydos." Carson snorted in derision. "They still can't get around the radiation that's released when they start fiddling about with the alien engines." Carson took a deep breath before he continued. "Anyway, after using the sarcophagus frequently during that period Sheppard quickly changed from being a quiet test-pilot obsessed with Johnny Cash into a sex-crazed maniac."

Rodney had difficulty believing what he was hearing. "Well, what happened to them?" he asked. "What did he do to them? Where are they now?"

Carson was silent for a long moment, before he explained. "I...I've worried about that fact since they left."

Rodney's eyes widened. "So they're alive? They're okay?"

"Alive, aye. Okay?" Carson shrugged. "Well, there's no way to be sure. The last I heard, Miko was at Cedar Springs Mental Facility quite near Cheyenne Mountain. She'd lost the ability to speak and she's heavily medicated because she becomes violent at times." Carson let out a deep breath before continuing. "Peter was last seen on a bus to New Mexico. It's difficult to say how well he's doing now. The further south a foreigner travels in this country, the less accommodating the locals become."

Rodney brought his thumbnail down from his mouth. He had heard horror stories about Canadian immigrants trying to cross into Mexico, few survived. "He was foreign?" he asked.

"Aye, all the people in similar predicaments to your own are foreign." Carson replied. "Peter was a Brit. Bloody hell, I miss hearing the man's accent. I miss wee Miko's bright eyes under her thick glasses."

Rodney nearly bit his thumbnail to the quick as he listened. "Am I gonna end up like that? Locked in an insane asylum or . . . or disappearing off the face of the earth?" he asked.

Carson looked at him with a serious expression. "Rodney, he said, "I can't tell you that you are not suffering, nor can I tell you that Sheppard might not get worse, but I want you to consider all of your options. You have a new house, your family is healthy, and you are relatively unharmed. If you try to leave Sheppard and the SGC, you might lose your citizenship. You will certainly lose your house and your family, and they might hold you indefinitely under Area 51."

Rodney stuck his thumb inside his fist to hide the bleeding. "So, just take my meds and suck his dick as often as possible?"

Carson sighed heavily. "Yes. Look, I've spoken with the base councilor, and she can come to your house tomorrow evening. Does that work for you?"

Rodney nodded and added, "I'll double check with Katie, but yeah. That'd be perfect."

---

Rodney's thumb throbbed as he rode the Metro bus to his house. He found Katie planting roses in the front yard. She ran to him and gave him a warm hug. She smelled like sweat, sunshine, dirt, and Katie. At that moment Rodney hated how his BDU jacket kept her breasts from molding to his body.

"Are the kids home," he asked, then kissed the top of her auburn head.

"I'll call them back if you want." she offered. "Cleya wanted to have a sleep over at another little girl's house. It's so nice that she's making a lot of friends here," she said smiling. "Casta will be back at six."

Rodney felt relieved that they had the house to themselves. "No, no, that's perfect. I needed to talk to you about something."

Katie noticed his thumb and brought it to her lips. "I thought this job would be better for you than the university," she said. She knew his signals of stress all too well. "I'm almost done here with the roses. Why don't you go change, and I'll be in in a minute."

Rodney did as she suggested and went to the master bathroom, locking the door behind him. He studied his form in the mirror. His lack of chest hair was less obvious once he took off his pants. His naked genitals were strikingly different than the last time he'd looked at himself naked. His missing foreskin would be the crowning humiliation once he showed Katie the changes Sheppard had imposed on his body.

Suddenly there was a knock at the bathroom door.

"Um, Rodney? Do you want me to heat something up for you to eat?" Katie's voice trembled with worry, and Rodney knew she was trying to postpone his bad news for as long as possible, just as she had always done when they were living and starving in Washington.

"No. Katie, I'm not hungry," he replied. "I'm ready to tell you now. Okay, when I open the door, you have to promise not to freak out, okay?"

Katie did not have a clue as to what his problem was, but she nodded to herself. "Whatever it is, I still love you," she asserted. "Are you hurt or something?"

"Um, sort of. Well, n-not really." Rodney took a deep breath and forced himself to tackle the awkward subject. "You know how I haven't, um, wanted to, ah, have sex with you?"

God, he was having an affair. Katie's knees threatened to collapse beneath her. "Should . . ." her voice caught in her throat. "Should I be sitting for this?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Okay, tell me when you're ready." Rodney splashed his face with cold water from the sink.

Katie sat on the bed. "Okay, ready." Her hands balled into tight fists on her lap.

Rodney cracked the door open and peeked his head through. He quickly stepped out, turned his back to her, and closed the door.

Katie's breath hitched when she glimpsed the front of his naked body.

Rodney turned his head to give her a worried look over his shoulder. "I-I never meant for this to hurt you."

Katie's hands covered her gaping mouth. "Show me."

Rodney blinked nervously, looked down at the carpet, and turned his body. He did not let go of the doorknob. Rodney flinched at Katie's ragged intake of breath.

"What have you done to yourself, Rodney?!" Her brain was working at a million miles an hour in an attempt to process this shocking new information. "Oh my god, is this something you want to do to our son? Mutilate and - and -"

"Katie, I didn't do this. They did this to me." Rodney protested. "I'm sorry that I tried to hide it from you. But I'm scared as hell. I -"

"Who did this?" she asked. "Why would anyone -"

Rodney's lips trembled. "My boss. My fucking, sick, son of a bitch of a boss did this, okay? I didn't have a choice." Rodney's shoulders slumped as he struggled to explain. "I couldn't risk everything we'd just earned. I didn't want to lose you and the kids."

She stood and pulled on her thick hair. "Jesus, are you filming some kind of porno? Is this astrophysics job just a cover?" She passed along side the bed.

Rodney suddenly wondered the same. "No, no, I still work on astrometric data and -"

"What kind of a boss is she? Why would you let her -"

"It's not! Fuck, it's - it's not . . ."

"Not what?" she demanded.

"Not a woman." Rodney held his breath, knowing that his eyes would start tearing up if he did not.

Katie was quiet. "Not a woman. Not a woman?" That fact would not compute in her mind. Her voice was low and steady. "What . . . do you mean?"

Rodney whispered, "It's not a woman." Tears finally escaped his eyes and fell to the carpet. They pattered against the fabric sounding as loud as gunfire to his overwrought senses. The silence lasted too long. Neither of them could bring themselves to look at each other.

Katie collapsed on the bed and held herself tightly.

Rodney watched as her body wracked with silent sobs. He couldn't bear to try and comfort her, to touch her, not with his tainted body. He opened the bathroom door and slipped back inside and quickly redressed. It was difficult to see through his watery eyes, but he managed to make himself look presentable again. When he reopened the bathroom door, he found Katie lying still but unmoved from her curled form on the bed. He watched her; hoping he'd see a sign. He swallowed and headed across the room to the bedroom door.

Her voice was low and calm as she said, "I should call the Davis's and check on the kids."

Rodney needed some kind of resolution. He needed her to say she was pissed as hell but still cared about him. "Katie, can we please -"

"How am I supposed to take this?" she growled. "How am I suppose to handle this?" She sat up and faced him. "My god, Rodney, you've just told me that you're sleeping with your boss. You've had all of your body hair removed and -" her voice turned quiet, "and your penis has been mutilated. What do you want from me?"

"I want you to cry, to get angry. I don't know!" Rodney said desperately. "I am just as confused and frustrated as you are. Shit, Katie, I don't know!"

"So what happens now? Are you going to stop it?" she demanded.

"No...I can't. Our lives depend on this," he admitted.

"Then why the hell did you even tell me?" she asked.

Rodney rubbed at his eyes before answering. "Because I can't handle this by myself anymore, I am sick to my stomach. I can't sleep. My hands sweat all the time." He looked at Katie imploringly, begging her to understand. "I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack half the day, and I can't even eat. I'm underweight and I can't stand the idea of something going into my mouth!"

"S-so he does that?" Katie rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand. "He makes you do, um, those kinds of things?"

He looked at the floor and nodded. "Yeah, Those kinds of things. And more. Things I didn't think people could do. God, Katie, I don't know how to make this better." Rodney stood perfectly still, waiting for her decision.

Katie stared at his chest. She stepped forward and tugged at his jacket, pulling it straight. "You're having . . . sex with a man," she stated. "But our kids are fed, and we have the biggest house in the neighborhood."

Rodney held Katie's hands at his chest. He kissed her forehead and hugged her to him. "We'll find a balance somehow. I promise we'll figure this out. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or the kids."

Her head nodded against his chest. "Rodney, I love you, and I don't want you to have to do this for any reason."

He swayed her in his arms. "There's a councilor from work. She can come tomorrow to talk with us. I'm really not sure what I can say with the confidentiality waver I signed, so maybe we should stop talking about this before the councilor can tell me what I can and can't tell you."

Full realization hit her. "My god! Was he the one we had dinner with?" she asked. "Sheppard? He's the one, isn't he? That's why you were acting so weird at dinner." Her hands clenched his. "Oh, honey, I am so sorry. I was so hard on you that night."

---

Katie returned home with Cleya and Casta. "Daddy!" they both screamed.

Rodney wrestled them to the couch and gave them both thorough hugs.

"How long are you going to be home, Daddy?" Cleya asked eagerly.

"All night," Rodney replied happily. "How about I read some stories to you guys?"

"Yeah!" they both shouted. Rodney smiled at their enthusiastic reaction.

"Rodney? Can I talk to you?" Katie called from the kitchen.

Rodney kissed both of the kids. "Okay, you guys watch some cartoons before we eat dinner." He entered the kitchen and found Katie scrubbing at his cup of coffee. "Hey, I wasn't quite done with that," he objected mildly.

She did not turn to look at him as she responded, "Damn it, Rodney, you could at least wash your own dishes. It is not as though you were busy while I picked up the kids."

"Katie, I -"

"I clean up after the kids all day," the phone began to ring, "and it would be nice not to have to clean up after you, too." The phone continued to ring.

"This isn't about my cup," Rodney prompted. "Look, just be honest and tell me that you're still mad about . . . that thing."

Cleya looked at her parents talking intently with each other and then she looked at the loudly ringing phone. She hopped off the couch and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hello. This is John Sheppard. Is this Cleya or Casta?"

"I'm Cleya."

"Well, how are you, Cleya? How's school?"

"It's fine. I have lots of friends now, and they even feed us twice a day there."

"That's just great. Would you please put your dad on the phone?"

"Um, he's busy right now. Should I tell him something later?" she asked as she looked at her now yelling parents.

"Sure. Will you tell him to call his boss tonight?"

"Uh, huh," she agreed. "Um, Mr. Sheppard, can I ask you something? Why do you make Daddy sleep with you?"

Her parents froze mid-yelling. Her father's face was a picture of horror and anger as he screamed at her, "Hang up the phone!" Cleya was stunned at his behavior and failed to comply immediately with his instruction. He rushed to her side and yanked the phone out of her small hand.

Her mother yelled, "Cleya, who are you talking to?"

Rodney shouted into the receiver, "I told you never to involve them. Now please," his voice suddenly quivered, "please, don't contact me here again. Please." He slammed the handset back into its cradle. His hands began to shake.

Cleya broke down into tears. Katie held her daughter's shoulders tightly and gave her a fierce look. "Cleya, don't ever answer the phone again," she commanded.

Cleya howled at her parent's abrupt anger focused on her. "I'm sorry. I didn't know!"

Casta quickly ran to his mother's side and held her leg. "What'd she do?" he asked eagerly. His question was ignored.

Katie knelt down in front of Cleya and pushed Casta back. "Why did you ask him that?" Katie asked. "What did he say to you?"

Cleya's voice hitched with her sobs, "Because - because Daddy's always a work. I just wanted to know why he couldn't come home at night. All he said was for Daddy to call him tonight." The stress of explaining became too much for the young girl and she began to cry even more. "I'm sorry, Mommy, I'm sorry!"

Rodney gathered her into his arms and picked her up off the floor. "Shh, it's not your fault. Shh, you didn't know, teddy bear."

Cleya dug her face and hands into his neck. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"I'm sorry, too," he soothed.

Katie squeezed Casta to her side. Rodney and Katie looked into each other's eyes. Katie was a natural peacemaker and she wanted their situation to return to normal as soon as possible. "Hey, guys, why don't we just go out for dinner?" she suggested, her voice brighter than she really felt inside. "We all really need to just get out of here."

Rodney nodded. He whispered to Cleya, "I'll help you wash your face, and we can all have a fun night, okay?"

The kids shouted their agreement; eating out was still a highly pleasurable novelty to them, and they'd only been indulged a few times since they'd move to the new house. Soon the kids were buckled into their booster seats, and Katie was driving into town.

While Cleya taught Casta some kind of finger game in the back of the van, Katie told Rodney, "I got a call from the school today." Her tone was serious. "Rodney, they're both really small for their ages. Cleya looks like one of the preschoolers, and Casta looks like a toddler compared to the other kids his age."

Rodney took a hold of her right hand on her thigh and squeezed it. "We did the very best we could," he reminded her. "Besides, they have a lot of growing left in them. I wouldn't worry too much."

Katie gave him a smile. "That's what their pediatrician said. The councilor at the elementary school gave the kids their aptitude tests. She said that Casta is extremely intelligent for his age."

Rodney smiled broadly, "Of course, he is. He's a McKay."

"He's also a Brown," Katie added. "The councilor was concerned for Cleya."

Rodney was jarred by this. "Why?"

Katie explained, "She tested as "gifted", "genius" even."

Rodney sighed in relief, "Ah, you scared me there for a second."

Katie frowned. "Rodney, this could be a real problem," she insisted. The councilor said they'd do the best they could, but the school might not have the right curriculum to keep her challenged. She's already started to get frustrated and act out when she's finished her work before the other students."

Rodney's grin reached from ear to ear. "Well, have you seen the size of her head?" he asked. "God, I'm so proud. She definitely gets that from me."

"She also gets her ego from you." Katie dropped her hand from his and pointed to a distant restaurant sign. "What about that place? O'Malley's."

Rodney cringed at her suggestion. "No, no, definitely not there."

"Why not?" Katie asked, feeling a little suspicious at his reaction.

"It's not a kids" place; it's full of soldiers . . . and - and people. Let's keep driving." he said emphatically.

She harrumphed. "Fine, but it doesn't look like there's anything else but Mexican food. And you know the kids can't stand spicy."

Rodney breathed a sigh of relief as they passed O'Malley's; the first place Sheppard had taken him since he had arrived in Colorado.

"That'll be fine," he said. "Just pick one of those places. I'm sure they have a kids' menu."

When they entered Jose's Grill and Chili restaurant, live guitars, trumpets, and singers greeted them. Cleya hung on Rodney's leg, and Casta tried to hide in Katie's sweater from the unfamiliar music. A waiter sat them at a long table in a brightly decorated room.

"Is there some kind of celebration going on?" Rodney asked.

The waiter responded in a thick accent, "Ah, si! Today is Cinco de Mayo. We celebrate Mexico's independence from España. Viva la Mexico! Margaritas are en la casa until eight." His accent suddenly changed to being all business. "Can I start you off with a round for you both? And how about Shirley Temples for the kids?"

Rodney was out of his depth; they didn't have food like this in Canada. "What's a margarita?" he asked.

Katie smiled at the waiter before explaining to Rodney. "It's Tequila and lime juice mixed. Shirley Temples are a lemon and lime soda with maraschino cherry juice."

Rodney paled visibly. "Um, no, sorry, I'm highly allergic to citrus," he informed the waiter. "Anything with lemons, limes, or oranges, and I'm a dead man." How typical of his recent luck that when trying to reconcile things between him and Katie, she would choose a restaurant where the food could kill him.

"Aw, how sorry to hear. I'll let the kitchen know. Something else then?" The waiter reached into his apron and held his pad and pen ready.

"Water will be just fine," said Rodney.

Katie elbowed him and whispered, "We're rich now. We're not drinking just water."

Cleya looked up at the waiter and politely asked, "Um, may I please have chocolate milk?"

"Three chocolate milks and a diet soda," Katie intoned.

"Muy bien. I'll be back with your drinks in a moment," the waiter said and left the family to study their menus.

"Cleya, that was very polite of you. Very good," Katie praised her daughter. She wanted her children to adjust quickly to having normal lives and to doing things that the family had been unable to do in the past.

Casta fingered his eyeballs and made a face at his sister.

"You did not just order me chocolate milk," Rodney said to Katie.

"Rodney, you could use the extra calories," Katie responded. "Guys," she said to the kids, "how about quasidillas? You'll love them, I promise."

"I want PBJ!" Casta insisted.

"I'm sure your mom's right. It sounds really good," Rodney assured his son. "Besides, when you go out to a restaurant, you have to try something new." Rodney suddenly remembered that his father had told his younger sister that exact same thing when they had all gone to a Japanese restaurant in Vancouver. Rodney had been ten years old at the time. That had been back before things had gotten really bad in Canada.

"I want whatever Daddy's getting," Cleya piped up.

"That's fine, but I'm still ordering quasidillas in case you don't like Daddy's food," Katie replied, not looking up from her menu.

Rodney looked at his menu. He didn't speak a word of Spanish. "Katie, what am I eating?"

"How about a garlic beef enchilada and some red tomallies?" she suggested. "I'm having the chili reano."

The waiter returned with their drinks, and the family ordered.

Rodney found it incredibly difficult to figure out something to talk about with his family. He realized that he hardly spent any time with them anymore. His new job was highly classified, and there was no way he could discuss any of the abnormal stuff that was happening in the SGC - there were no safe topics in his new life that he could mention.

The waiter soon returned bearing a large tray with four steaming plates of vibrant reds, greens, and yellows. The waiter set Rodney's plate in front of him. Rodney realized that the plate was larger than his head, and it contained more food than he had ever eaten in a week in Washington. He didn't even know where to begin or where to put his fork.

Katie immediately began serving samples from Rodney's and her plates to the kids.

"Ew, there's hair in it," Cleya squealed.

"No, sweetie, that's cheese," Katie explained. "It gets stringy when it's warm."

Cleya was being obstinate and she dug her hands between her knees. "I don't want it."

Casta played with his food in fascination. "Where does cheese come from?" he asked.

That familiar overwhelming sense of panic was coming over Rodney again. His heart drummed at his ribs. He hadn't eaten anything and he was already feeling nauseous. He pushed his chair out from the table, stood, and made a beeline for the men's room.

The bathroom was ornately decorated with blue and red tiles inset in stucco walls, but Rodney was in no condition to admire the rich Mexican designs. He leaned over the sink and turned on the faucet. When he looked in the mirror, he saw that his face was flushed and clammy. Rodney dug into his pants' pocket for the medication Carson had prescribed. He tried to read the dosage, but his vision blurred and his hands shook as he tried to open the cap. The bottle slipped out of his hands and rolled under the counter. He followed it and crouched under the sink. The small dark space was comforting. Here, he could hide from the world; hide from the fact that his children were only now learning about cheese, and the idea that the single plate of food Katie had just ordered so casually could have fed his family for days had they still been living in Washington.

This evening, more than anything else that had happened before, brought home to Rodney the reality of their situation. His family was finally safe and happy. They finally had a future. As long as he kept doing what Sheppard wanted.

The bathroom door opened. "Rodney? Oh my god, Rodney, what are you doing under there?" A head and long auburn hair appeared next to a pair of legs as Katie squatted down in front of him. "Are you okay?"

"Um." Rodney was lost for words to explain his actions.

Katie sat down on the floor and crouched next to him. She took the orange prescription bottle out of Rodney's hand.

"What's this?" she asked. She read the prescription label on the bottle out loud. "Atavanim? This says it's for anxiety attacks." She looked up with a concerned expression on her face. "Rodney, are you having anxiety attacks? Tell me what's wrong."

A million answers were running through Rodney's head, none of them things he wanted to say aloud. Instead of replying, he burst into tears.

Katie immediately held his head against her chest. She held him for several long moments and soothed him before she said, "Rodney, we need to get back to the kids. Are you . . ."

He wiped at his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, my knees are cramping, lets get up. Katie? Thanks for being there for me."

She stroked his thinning hair. "That's what being married means."

Back at the table, Cast was doing his best to make his quasidilla cheese hold a piece of tortilla suspended from his plate in a long string.

Rodney took a deep calming breath. He needed to be strong for his kids. "Did your mom tell you where cheese comes from?"

"Nope, where?" piped Cleya.

"They export it from the moon."

Cleya shook her big auburn head, "Not, uh!"

Rodney nodded his head. "Oh, yeah? How do you think the moonanites trade for little boys and girls to eat?"

Katie scorned, "Rodney."

But the kids were laughing. "Not, uh! Dad-dy!"

The next day was a Saturday, and Rodney hadn't called the colonel back to see what he wanted. He had spent a sleepless night after slamming down the phone, dreading that Sheppard might turn up on his doorstep to forcibly drag him back to the SGC and punish him somehow. Or even worse than that, he might punish Katie and kids. Thankfully neither of those things had happened, surprisingly enough Rodney hadn't heard from Sheppard at all since the phone call. Rodney was not sure what was going on but he was happy to take advantage of any good luck that came his way, for whatever reason it did. As far as Rodney was concerned, if Sheppard did not want him at the moment, he had the weekend to himself.

He spent a fruitless morning trying to relax, and not even watching Saturday morning cartoons with the kids helped. His mind kept returning over and over to the things that had happened to him in the last number of months, and he was worried about how he would explain any of it to Katie or the counselor.

That afternoon, the phone rang; it was the counselor from the base wanting to meet at the house at three in the afternoon. Rodney saw no good reason to avoid trying to tackle their problems as soon as possible, so they agreed to the counseling session.

Katie sent the kids to play with the Davis's again, and busied herself with housework, while Rodney planted himself on the couch and waited for the psychologist to arrive. He genuinely wanted to fix his panic attacks and his relationship with his wife, but to discuss his constant molestation at work was a very personal matter. How could he trust someone who worked for Sheppard and O'Neill?

He watched the pendulum swinging inside of the ridiculously ornate grandfather clock that came with the house. Rodney mused that it would have provided fairly decent fuel for burning had they been back at their old apartment in Washington.

Through the living room window, he saw a familiar Mercedes convertible pull up in front of the house. When Katie left the kitchen to answer the door, Rodney tried to figure out how he knew that car.

Katie greeted the blondish woman at the door, and they shook hands. Katie motioned for the woman to enter the living room. Rodney stood up from the couch ready to greet their guest. The woman introduced herself. "Hello, I'm Dr. Kathryn Heightmeyer. Please call me Kate."

Rodney froze as he realized how he knew her. Katie gave a half laugh at her namesake's introduction. "And please call me Katie,' she said. Seeing Rodney's pale face, Katie spoke for her husband, "Um, Kate, this is my husband, Rodney. Rodney McKay."

Katie walked into the living room, and stood beside Rodney, but he noticed that she maintained a noticeable distance between them.

"Yes, we've met," Kate responded. "Not in any professional counseling capacity," she explained to Katie, "but I know about your family's recent change in social-economic status and about Rodney's roles at the base."

Rodney's skin was clammy and his blood was pounding in his ears as he stood watching his wife and this woman making small talk about him. This woman had watched as Sheppard had plastered him against the kitchen wall and molested him, and all she had done was ask him for a pen to sign the purchasing contract for the house.

Katie offered the counselor-cum-realtor a plush chair across from Rodney, while Katie sat on the couch next to Rodney. He grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and hugged it to himself.

Heightmeyer set her briefcase to the side of her chair and took out a pad, pen, and some papers.

She smiled briefly before addressing them. "Now, one of the main concerns in your situation, Mister and Mrs McKay is the confidentiality waiver. You both understand that the government sector in which Rodney is currently working is conducting several top-secret programs for the benefit of the nation. Knowledge of these programs, or the personnel involved, could put national security at risk if that information were to fall into the wrong hands."

Both Rodney and Katie nodded to show they understood.

"Good," Heighmeyer said. "So, before we begin, Katie, I need you to sign this form."

Rodney shuddered as he watched Heightmeyer hand Katie the exact same pen Sheppard had used to sign the deeds to his family's new house.

"Great, great, Katie, thank you." Heightmeyer smiled as she made the papers disappear into her briefcase. She turned her gaze on Rodney. "Now, Rodney, how much have you told Katie about your situation?"

Rodney was silent.

Katie provided the necessary information. "Uh, well, last night he showed me what had been done to his body." Katie moved to take Rodney's hand and squeeze it. "And he's told me how his superior is using him for sexual . . . favors. God, he can't do that, can he? I mean, I know Rodney is Canadian but surely he must have some rights."

Rodney did not want to get involved in an argument about whether or not the things that were being done to him were right or wrong. He just wanted to learn how to deal with them and to continue to provide for his family.

Heightmeyer answered Katie, "No, Rodney has no rights in this matter. He is under the jurisdiction of his project leader, and that would be the general. Action could possibly be taken if Rodney appealed to the general and received a favorable hearing, however -"

"No," Rodney cut the counselor off. He turned to look at his wife. "Katie, the general wouldn't stop a thing.' He took a deep breath before continuing. "We can't change this." He watched as Katie blinked back tears.

Heightmeyer continued her interview without any sign that the topic under discussion affected her in any way. "So, Katie, Rodney, can you tell me how has this has affected your functions at home? Have you been able to make love?"

Katie and Rodney answered simultaneously, "Yes." "No." They dropped hold of each other's hand and repositioned themselves on the couch, carefully avoiding eye contact with each other "No." "Yes."

Katie finally explained, "Rodney spends a lot more time at work and away from me and the kids than when we were living in Washington, and when he is at home he's pretty quiet." She clenched her hands tightly in her lap. "He is definitely not interested in sex, but he has been keeping me . . . satisfied, in . . . in other ways."

Heightmeyer leaned in closer. "I sense some hesitation from you, Katie."

Katie squeezed Rodney's hand as if to ask his forgiveness for what she was about to say. "Well, yes. I was a little hard on him before I knew what he was going through, but . . ."

"Now you're satisfied with his desired level of intimacy?" Heightmeyer prompted.

Katie shook her head. "No. I wish we were normal like we used to be, but I don't want to push him into something he doesn't want to do either," Katie explained.

Heightmeyer took a moment to write a few notes on her pad. "And you, Rodney? Are you satisfied with the level of sexual intimacy you have with your wife?"

Rodney shifted uncomfortably. Jesus, Sheppard fucked him so much that he could probably go the rest of the year without wanting to be "sexually intimate". But he loved Katie, and he wanted to feel that need for her that he used to have before Sheppard took over his life. Rodney wanted to feel about her like he had when he would happily skip waiting in the food lines just so he could spend more time in bed with her. Now when she looked at him, he felt as though he was expected to pleasure her, or to lay down like a piece of meat like he did with Sheppard. Even the thought of wanting sex with Katie made Rodney feel guilty and sick.

"Look, I know I have a problem,'" he said, "but something more important came up last night."

Realization crossed Katie's face and her eyes widened. "Yes, Doctor, our daughter picked up the phone last night when Rodney's . . . boss called. Um, she asked him why Rodney was sleeping with him."

Rodney interjected. "I don't think she knows the exact nature of my predicament, but I know the kids will start to ask questions. I meanr30;I know I've changed, and I know the kids can sense it. I want to be strong for them. I don't want them to know what is going on, I don't want them to think of their father going to work in the morning to bend over for his boss."

As Rodney spoke Heightmeyer nodded calmly. "In order for your children to come to terms with your situation, you two will need to come to terms first," she said. "The children will take their lead from you. They've already endured poverty and proven their resilience." She smiled encouragingly as she said, "At this point, you need to accept the situation, but not agonize over it. The more emotion and turmoil you associate with the problem, the more the children will worry."

Katie looked a little unsure at this advice but she nodded. "Well, then I guess my next problem is to try to understand why you're being used the way you are, Rodney." She turned to the doctor, as though looking for her support. "I can't think of a moral person who would use a man against his will in this way, she said emphatically. " I mean, does what's happening to Rodney mean that some kind of sexual deviant is part of a dangerous government project? How can someone like that be who he is and get to be where he is?"

Heightmeyer crossed her legs and rested her hands on the pad. "Katie, I'm not at liberty to elaborate on any other members of the project," she advised. "All I am cleared to speak to you both about is how your family can cope with the current situation." The doctor tilted her head and looked at Rodney. "Now, let's make a start on that. Rodney, your wife has stated that you are quiet at home. Can you describe how some of the physical manifestations of your trauma have presented?"

Rodney looked to Katie, and he knew she was also thinking about his behavior at the restaurant the night before. "Well, ah, I-I told my on-base doctor. Am I allowed to use his name?"

Heightmeyer shook her head. "In this case, no. Not with your wife present, but I know who you are referring to."

Rodney continued, "Well, I told him about how sometimes my heart starts racing and my thoughts become overwhelming. That happens to me a couple of times a day." In fact Rodney could feel it happening to him now as he explained himself to the counselor. "If-if I could just slow down my thoughts, I think I would get along better, but I just keeping thinking about . . . everything."

"Are the medications that he prescribed helping to manage that?" Heightmeyer asked, her pen ready to take notes.

Katie looked at Rodney and the doctor. "Um, I'd like to know what medications besides the Atavanim are you taking," she said.

Rodney rubbed his hands together. "I'm on a blood pressure med as well as vitamins. I wouldn't be surprised if he put me on some appetite boosters."

"Yes, your records show that you are underweight and not gaining," Heightmeyer commented.

Rodney gave her a look. "Where we come from, my weight is normal, but yeah. I guess you could say I'm having difficulty with wanting to eat." He stared at a spot on the floor, why he didn't feel like eating was one of the hardest topics for him to discuss.

Katie rested a hand on his back as she spoke to the doctor. "Last night when he showed me what his body's been put through. He said that the idea of . . . putting something in his . . . mouth bothered him."

Heightmeyer made some notes before addressing Rodney. "From what I'm understanding, Rodney, your root problem is that you are failing to adjust, or adapt sufficiently to the requirements of your new job and the attendant lifestyle, unappealing as you may find them."

Rodney blew air through his lips. "Yeah, that's what my doctor said; deal with it, and suck his cock as often as possible,' he said in a bitter tone of voice.

Katie choked and coughed hard. She managed, "I'm fine. I'm fine," as they gave her a worried look, and she waved them back.

Heightmeyer said, "This is unsettling for you Katie, I realize that. My role is to help you both to adjust to this situation. So, tell me how would you would have dealt with a stressful situation before you moved here?"

Rodney and Katie thought. "We wouldn't," Rodney stated matter-of-factly. "We really didn't say much about the things we found stressful, or we just didn't focus on them. I mean, Katie didn't tell me that her mom had died until she gave me money from her inheritance to buy stamps for mailing my résumé."

Katie explained, "I think we both knew our lives were stressful enough with trying to keep the kids fed and the apartment heated that we just didn't talk to each other about anything unpleasant."

Rodney suddenly realized that Katie was right. He was no social analyst, so he was only now discovering how bad the communication between them really was. It was no wonder that Katie had misinterpreted his distance toward her lately and had thought he was having an affair.

"I see," Heightmeyer said. "Well, that coping strategy and that level of non-communication may have been relatively effective for you when you lived in Washington, but in your current situation, you will both need to develop an openness with regard to each other's feelings." Heightmeyer sat forward in her seat. "I think you both have misunderstandings concerning each other's stresses. So, I'd like you to ask one another one question at a time about your daily lives and please try to elaborate as much as you feel comfortable with in your answers." She smiled brightly before she continued. "Okay, let's start with a question from you, Rodney."

For the next half hour, Rodney watched Katie's frown grow deeper and deeper as he revealed more and more about his days with Colonel John Sheppard.

In the days following Dr. Heightmeyer's visit, Rodney and Katie were more distant than ever.

While he rode the bus to work Rodney agonized over why the colonel wanted to speak to him. During the weekend the man could have planned a multitude of punishments for Rodney, but damn it, it had felt good to hang up that phone.

Rodney skipped breakfast in the mess hall as he had eaten waffles with Katie and the kids. He hoped that he could delay the inevitable harassment from Sheppard. Rodney knew that delaying his punishment was all that he could do, so he hurriedly prepared himself with the lubricant in a restroom stall to get ready for the unavoidable fuck. He decided that even though punishment was inescapable, he wasn't going to make things easy for Sheppard, so Rodney carried on with his normal morning schedule - let Sheppard come find him.

Surprisingly, Rodney did not run into Sheppard once throughout the entire morning, but when he checked into to his lab, he found a flashing message on his computer screen.

TO: McKay, Rodney Ph.D
FROM: Sheppard, John Col.
SUBJECT: New Responsibilities

You're right. You are a valuable resource that the SGC is not fully utilizing. I've made it so that you now have the appropriate clearance to look at any and all data concerning the Stargate.

PS This message will self-destruct in 5 . . 4 . . 3 . . . sorry, that's a lame joke. But I'm bored. Come visit me in my office on Monday afternoon.

Rodney could hardly contemplate any of the message's content other than the fact that he now had full access to the Stargate data logs and all incoming data from future missions. Sheppard had actually given him what he had asked for. The excitement of his new security clearance was too much, so he quickly stood from his chair and asked Carter for the access codes so that he could begin studying the classified files.

---

The door to Sheppard's office was open, but he was talking on the phone. Rodney knocked quietly, and at seeing him, Sheppard waved Rodney inside. Rodney caught the tail end of the telephone conversation.

"Then tell Kowalski to get the natives to work faster. He's got three days to get that ore shipped before the president has our asses." Sheppard hung the phone back in its cradle on his desk.

"I-I came to say, thank you," Rodney began. And to suck your dick, so I can go home early tonight without limping. He took a few slow steps closer to the side of the desk. "Carter has given me full access to all of the data reports concerning 'gate travel."

Sheppard linked his fingers behind his head and leaned back in his chair.

Rodney made his way closer to the desk, so that he was standing quite near Sheppard. "And, ah, I'll still be monitoring all the incoming telemetry as usual, b-but I think with enough time, I can find out all sorts of . . . well, I mean, we've only scratched the surface of where this 'gate came from and where it could - "

Sheppard moved quickly, snagging Rodney's open jacket and pulling at it so that Rodney was standing between his legs. Sheppard gazed at Rodney intensely.

"I love watching that mouth move." His hands roamed over Rodney's stomach before untucking his black t-shirt and caressing Rodney's skin. He pulled at Rodney's pants until Rodney was down on the floor, kneeling in front of Sheppard. "Make that pretty mouth move."

On his walk here from the lab, Rodney had been mentally preparing himself for performing this very act, and he had taken one of his panic attack pills. To carry this out successfully he needed to not think and just do it. He stared at Sheppard's green pants and the buttons he knew lay hidden below the belt. He lowered his head down and closed his eyes. His hands knew what to do, and he unfastened the belt and kept his hands firmly pressed into Sheppard's groin.

Sheppard hummed his approval and rubbed up and down Rodney's arm.

"Come here, baby." He pulled on Rodney's elbow and at the back of his neck, and he leaned down to bring Rodney's lips to his own.

Rodney allowed his lips to be opened as the tip of Sheppard's tongue entered his mouth. He considered himself lucky to have found Sheppard in such a sensual mood and congratulated himself on his decision to approach Sheppard rather than wait to be forcibly used. Perhaps Carson's advice for Rodney to use his mouth on Sheppard would work after all.

Rodney even pushed back on Sheppard's tongue in his mouth. He stroked his fingertips over Sheppard's pants, and Sheppard responded by massaging his neck. As Rodney continued to stroke and fondle, Sheppard's tongue stopped gently tickling and instead jolted deeply into Rodney's mouth. He pushed at the back of Rodney's hand until Rodney was pressing it hard into the growing erection.

Rodney took the hint and unfastened the buttons. He wanted this to be over with as fast as possible, and Sheppard was eager for him. He adjusted himself comfortably on his knees and tipped his chin forward to deepen the kiss.

Sheppard was writhing, his hips rocking in his chair. He did not wait for Rodney but took himself out of his underwear and stroked his growing member.

Rodney kept his eyes closed but urged Sheppard's hands away and took a solid hold. Sheppard's dick was thick and smooth, and the head was firm as Rodney's thumb rubbed at the slit. His thumb continued to trail over Sheppard's dick, feeling the divots in the skin and the pulsing veins.

Rodney felt a stirring deep in his belly. Just a sympathetic response, he told himself.

There was a knock at the office door and Rodney realized with horror that he had neglected to close it as his mind had been too firmly centered on what he had to make himself do with Sheppard. Rodney was in a position that meant he could not see over the desk, but the visitor's laugh was familiar.

"Hey, Shep. Giving the new toy a snack?"

Rodney kept his head down and willed the man to leave.

Sheppard rubbed at his stomach and chuckled, "Jealous?" he drawled.

The visitor chuckled again. 'Nah, he's all yours, Shep. I've got little Chuck at home, ready and waiting."

Sheppard huffed a breath in amusement. "What's up, Ev?"

Rodney tried not to be shocked by their blasé attitude toward the situation. After all Sheppard had forced him to endure worse with Kowalski present. Perhaps the fact that it had been his choice to approach Sheppard first would make this encounter more bearable.

Lorne's voice came closer as he moved into the room to stand in front of the Sheppard's desk. "I just needed you to sign orders for SG-3 to ship out. I guess there was another dispute between Kowalski and the natives over when they'd get their prince back the last time Kowalski paid them a visit," Lorne explained.

"Yeah, yeah, Kowalski needs baby-sitting. What else is new?"

Rodney kept his head down as Lorne approached the desk to give Sheppard the papers. He could never imagine being comfortable with having his dick hanging out of his pants in front of Zelenka or anyone else for that matter.

"I guess there are perks to being General O'Neill," Sheppard commented as he signed. He pushed the papers away and leaned back in the chair. "He can just delegate all the paperwork down. See ya, Major."

"Sir," said Lorne and he closed the office door behind him. Rodney could only hope future guests would take the closed door as a hint.

"You know what?" Sheppard shuffled more papers on his desk. "This is a bad angle for me. Get under the desk."

Rodney took a look at the space under Sheppard's desk. It would barely fit him, but Sheppard was already pushing at Rodney's shoulder.

"Okay, okay, just let me get adjusted," he said. "Wait, wait, scoot your chair out of the way." The fit was snug, but Rodney would not need a great deal of room for what he was about to do.

Sheppard quickly adjusted his chair under the desk, and Rodney was captive inside. The pill must have been working because he was feeling little of his usual claustrophobia or his panic at having Sheppard even being around him. He was thankful that the light was dim as he took Sheppard in hand.

Sheppard's legs entwined around Rodney's back, and Rodney rubbed his hands up and down Sheppard's thighs.

He took a deep breath and wet his lips. He dipped his tongue and licked at the mushroom-like head.

Sheppard's legs instantly tightened around Rodney. A hand squeezed behind Rodney's neck and pulled him forward.

Rodney tried to keep his breathing steady as the penis was slowly forced deep inside of his mouth. He widened his jaw and found it easier to take Sheppard down his throat. He massaged the underside with his tongue and opened his lips to take more of it. Rodney soon fell into a rhythm of pressing his lips around the throbbing member before pulling his mouth back and sucking sharply at the head.

Sheppard's fingers rubbed at Rodney's neck, and he hummed his satisfaction.

It was easy enough, but the throbbing in his own pants was distracting to Rodney. It itched and ached, and he needed it to just go away. He tried sitting up higher on his knees to relieve the pressure, but there wasn't enough room under the desk and his back came up against the underside of the desk with a bang.

"Careful, buddy." Sheppard rubbed at the tension in Rodney's neck and encouraged him to continue sucking.

Rodney's stomach grew warm when Sheppard's hand soothed at his cheek, and his thumb tickled over Rodney's lips. Rodney tried to use his forearm to rub at his groin to change the sensations, to feel anything but the aching arousal. His arm only dug into his thigh as Sheppard's earlier scolding over touching himself left Rodney not wanting to test Sheppard's firm resolve.

The phone on the desk rang once. "Sheppard," the colonel answered.

Rodney released the member from his mouth, but Sheppard's hand pulled him back down.

As Rodney continued sucking, he could hear Sheppard talking on the phone.

"Well, who the hell ordered it? No, the black hawks were supposed to be here on the tenth, but that arrival time was rescheduled until the sixteenth."

Rodney could not believe that Sheppard was actually giving orders while having his dick blown.

"There, there, Rodney, there's the spot! Yes, those are the orders . . . Good. Now what's the ETA on those hummers?"

Rodney stayed true to his rhythm but swirled his tongue where Sheppard told him just behind the crown. The semi-salty taste of sweaty skin changed to slight bitterness. Sensing that Sheppard was close, he sucked harder and pressed the head hard between his tongue and palate.

"Good. I trust you won't disappoint me, Lieutenant." Sheppard hung up the phone and used his now free hand to stroke Rodney's temple. "Yeah, baby. You're learning. You'll get it soon."

Rodney sucked the dick into his mouth faster at the encouragement and relaxed his throat as he sucked deeper and deeper. It slid passed his lips with ease as his wet lips allowed for little resistance. Rodney flicked the tip of his tongue over the slit and actually felt the small spurt of Sheppard's pre-come pouring over his taste buds. It tasted so terribly bitter, but damn if his dick didn't twitch in his pants. His mouth flooded with saliva. If he could just focus, this would all be over.

But Sheppard pressed his feet to the floor, rolling the chair back, and his dick was yanked out of Rodney's wet lips. Sheppard's dick shimmered in the lamp light.

"Get up. Sit on the desk," he said.

Rodney slowly crawled out from under the desk and stretched the out the kinks in his back. He stood and leaned against the desk, surprised to have Sheppard put a stop to the blow job, but Sheppard gave him a crooked smile.

He rolled forward again and pulled on Rodney's belt. "You did well."

Rodney closed his eyes, genuinely elated to be touched. Soon his own dick was free from his pants and thoroughly hard. He could measure his blood pressure with the beats throbbing just under the purple skin.

"You're beautiful, baby," Sheppard said softly, then he gave the head a wet kiss, and the moisture cooled the skin as the air hit it.

Rodney's balls tightened.

Sheppard turned Rodney to face away from him and pulled on Rodney's pants. The pants and underwear fell around his knees, and Rodney braced himself against the desk, knowing what was coming next. He felt a tiny twinge of disgust in his spleen but moaned as Sheppard kissed each cheek.

Fingers pressed hard on Rodney's hips until Rodney bent his knees and fell back onto Sheppard's lap. Lips nibbled on his right earlobe. Sheppard's voice was low and sultry in Rodney's ear as he said, "I love seeing you hard."

The fingers on Rodney's hips danced forward until they converged on his dick and balls. They stroked and massaged, and Rodney was so hard that he forgot to breathe, but again, he was pushed until he was squatting and hovering over John's lap. Fingers spread Rodney's cheeks and hardness pressed at his opening.

Rodney was hungry for it. He pressed down on it. The sound of a sighing moan filled the room, and Rodney half realized that it was his own, but he didn't care; he was being filled, completed. He was being made whole. This was what was missing. The stretching, the hardness reaching to his stomach, blocking all thoughts, pains, or worries. He was home.

"John, yes! I feel you. All of you. Ahhh!" His inner muscles squeezed at John's girth.

John groaned. "Move, baby, get what you need," he grunted. "Fuckin' tight!"

Rodney spread his legs and took hold of the desk. His hips seemed to rise of their own will, and Rodney's fingers and toes curled. He arched his back and bit at his lip as he pushed himself back down onto John. It didn't hurt or feel dirty . . . god, it felt like sex!

John's hand rested on Rodney's stomach, and Rodney squeezed it to him with his own hand. Balanced precariously on three limbs Rodney pushed and rose and pushed back down. John urged Rodney into a steady rhythm and thrust up when Rodney was not expecting it. A thrilling warmth grew in Rodney's belly, and he ached to be touched. He squeezed John's hand and pushed it down his body.

"Please, please; god, touch me. Just touch me!" he gasped.

John pulled and stroked him. His thumb spread the pre-ejaculate around the head of Rodney's penis.

Rodney was sweating everywhere, and a bead of sweat ran down his back and between his cheeks to mingle with the fluids in his ass. God, he was going to come! He could come any second into John's rough hand, but Rodney held on to that warmth in his stomach. It just did not seem right to come yet. John needed to make it okay to come.

"John? John! Ah . . . I need you! I'm ready." Rodney didn't know exactly what he meant by that, but John pushed in hard with that amazing cock.

He pushed until Rodney was standing, and then John bent him over the desk. Rodney spread his legs further to accommodate John's new angle of penetration. John's breath was hot on Rodney's neck, but not as hot as the connection between their bodies.

Rodney looked down and saw that his engorged dick was hovering over a stack of personnel reports. He would let John worry about that impending sticky mess. His head rested at the side of his shoulder as John pounded his eager hole. Rodney's toes and fingers curled so tight that they began to cramp. Rodney pushed away that sensation of nirvana that followed each thrust of John's dick. A hand tugged at Rodney's aching cock to meet the powerful thrusts. Rodney's balls tightened, and he came in a stripe across the desk.

The thrusts into his body grew harder, like John was digging for naquadah inside Rodney's ass, and then John groaned. The spurt of heat inside of him made Rodney shiver.

John kissed and nipped at Rodney's neck.

"You've got good distance on that thing." Rodney could feel the smile on John's lips as he spoke.

He smiled himself, turning his head to nuzzle John's. "Sorry. I didn't have anything to catch it."

John laughed. He gave Rodney a few little kisses before he pulled his softened dick from Rodney's ass.

As fantastic as it was, the sex was still messy. Rodney could feel John's semen dripping down his inner thigh. He pulled his pants up to keep it from dripping further down his body. He could go back to the room and change and probably shower, too. He turned to face John.

The colonel looked as mussed as ever. He too pulled up his pants and sat in his chair. The only detail betraying his recent act was a sheen of sweat on his top lip. "Just clean off the papers and make me new copies before you go back to the lab,' he said. His expression changed as a thought occurred to him. "Hey, when was the last time you went to the gym?" he asked.

Rodney looked down. "Um, I haven't exactly had the time what with - "

John rolled his eyes at Rodney. "Look, Rodney, if I am doing you the favor of giving you more responsibility, you need to at least make it to the gym once a day."

Jesus, John couldn't sound more like a parent if he tried, Rodney thought.

"Alright, alright. I'll go today after the new equations are entered into the computers. I've already sent them to you and the general for you to read first. I don't think you'll be disappointed. At John's continued glare, Rodney said, "Fine, I'll ask Radek to put them in, and I'll hit the gym at two."

John held up his index finger. "I want you on the cardio machines for a solid fourty-five minutes. Make sure someone spots you with the barbells."

Rodney turned and gathered all of the soiled papers. "Right, whatever. I can handle a stupid workout."

John harrumphed at that.

Rodney made his way to the other side of the desk. "Look, John, I need more time with the kids and wife. Are you, or are we . . . do you want me tonight, do you think?"

The phone on the desk rang. "If I see you at the gym, you can even go home early." John picked up the phone and waved at Rodney as he left.

---

After a quick shower back in his and John's shared room, Rodney dressed in the unused workout clothes that he had gotten weeks ago from the supply room and went to the gym on the third level.

In all, there were two separate basketball courts and two weight rooms inside Cheyenne Mountain, one for the NORAD staff and one for the Stargate Command staff. The SGC gym was small and cramped with multiple treadmills, weights, and stationary bikes.

There were two jarheads at the weights and a young dark man at a weight press.

Rodney sat down at a bike and started pedaling. This was a piece of cake.

"Whoa, whoa. Don't you think you should stretch first?" The young dark man stood next to Rodney's machine.

Rodney hated strangers. "I'm fine, thanks." The man offered his hand in greeting, and Rodney reluctantly shook it.

"My name's Ford. I transferred here about two weeks ago. I've never seen you in here before."

"Yeah." Rodney kept pedaling. "I'm new, too. Civilian scientist. I think I have the hang of this thing, thanks."

Ford shook his head. "Scientist, huh? This must be your first time in the gym. Look, I know it's a pain, but you've got to stretch first, especially at your age. Let me show you." Ford motioned Rodney to follow him to a poster on the wall.

A few years ago, Rodney might have given this annoying little kid a sharp piece of his mind, but after the way other Air Force officers had treated him since he got here, Rodney was willing to listen to some genuinely thoughtful advice, and Rodney certainly did not know his way around a gym.

"Do some of these stretches on this poster for about fifteen minutes," Ford said pointing at a poster that showed stick figures in strange positions. "When you're done stretching, I'll come back to help you on the machines."

Rodney felt terribly awkward stretching and contorting his body in what felt like pointless moves, but he did the stretches nonetheless.

Ford was ready for him when Rodney finished the last leg stretch. "Okay," he said, "how much time do you have to workout?"

"About two hours, I guess." Rodney sat back down at his stationary bike.

Ford grinned. "Perfect," he said enthusiastically. "Since you're a beginner, you need to start out slow. Warm up at three miles an hour for five minutes and then bump it up to five to eight miles an hour to keep your heart rate up." Ford pressed at buttons at the small computer on the bike and programmed Rodney's machine.

After ten minutes, Rodney thought he was going to die, but Ford insisted on Rodney maintaining the pace he had set. Ford even taught Rodney how to find his target heart rate using the machine. After forty minutes, Rodney was ready to fall off the machine, and Ford allowed him a slower cool-down pace.

While Ford showed Rodney how to stretch after the workout, he asked, "What time are you usually in here? I could show you a lot more, and I'll get you started on the weights." At Rodney's answer, he said, "Great, I'll see you here tomorrow at two-thirty. And bring a water bottle."

As Rodney turned to leave the gym, he saw John smiling at him from the corridor.

John was happy with him. Rodney'd biked a whole six miles, he was free to go home at four-thirty, and he had cracked the mystery of finding other Stargates in the galaxy.

Most importantly, John was happy.

Rodney was too tired to change out of his gym clothes, and so he simply took the elevator down to the lab to let Zelenka and Carter know where he'd left off on his latest update to the network.

Radek barely looked up from his computer monitor as he said, "Yes, yes. I completed the final update while you were away." He gestured distractedly in the direction of the converted back closet that served as Carter's personal office. "Dr. Carter needs to speak with you."

Rodney did not know what to make of Radek's sudden coldness toward him. The other scientist's change in behavior was worrying. Did Radek believe that Rodney had betrayed him in some way or had gone over to Sheppard's side? Rodney was still trying to learn how to survive here, and he did not want to make an enemy of someone with the wits and knowledge of Radek Zelenka.

Then again, Rodney could just be feeling paranoid and guilty for the way he'd been enjoying himself around Sheppard. Well, now that he'd had a couple of hours in the gym for his thoughts to become clear, Rodney had resigned himself to the fact that what Sheppard did was still rape even if Rodney enjoyed it in the moment.

Or was Radek maybe upset over the fact that he'd found Rodney and Sam kissing the other day? During Rodney's first few days in the SGC, Beckett had warned him to stay away from Sam because he believed she had some sort of agenda of her own, but Rodney now realized that Beckett just didn't know the real Sam. At any rate, Radek's distance toward him meant that Rodney felt like a triple agent in his own lab.

Rodney swallowed nervously before speaking. "Thanks, Radek. I really appreciate you finishing that for me."

Radek nodded slightly and continued clicking away on his computer keyboard. Rodney sighed in resignation at his failure to connect with his new colleague and walked to the back of the lab to knock on Carter's door. He always knocked ever since he'd walked in on Sam and O'Neill in a compromising position a few weeks ago.

"Come in."

He turned the knob and pushed the door open.

As Rodney entered the tiny, dingy space that the SGC generously called an office, Sam looked up from the paperwork strewn across her desktop. "Rodney, hey, I'm glad I caught you before you disappeared into the depths of this fortress again."

Rodney gave her a strained smile and closed the door.

Sam gestured to a chair that had seen better days. "Have a seat."

Rodney did so, and she continued, "Look, I wanted to tell you how impressed I am with your analysis of our 'gate travel data."

Rodney's cheeks flushed with pleasure at the praise. As terrible as this place was, with the evil officers taking advantage of the weaker staff, the implications of the data this facility contained were staggering: time travel, instantaneous global transportation, extra-galactic travel, alien fauna with cures for cancer, and even the possibility of meeting technologically advanced aliens.

To have Dr. Samantha Carter, a woman who had been there for the initial discoveries, praising him was more than flattering.

"Well, its beginner's luck," he demurred, lowering his gaze. "I'm sure you would have seen it eventually, but I know you've been swamped lately." Rodney glanced up at Sam and noticed Carter was giving him the same look Simpson gave him when he pissed off yet another rich student. Oh, no. What had he said wrong?

Sam's expression was stern as she spoke. "That's how I'm hoping O'Neill will see it," she said, "just beginner's luck."

Rodney's eyes widened in confusion. "I don't understand," he said weakly.

Sam's intense expression did not falter as she leaned forward against her desk. "Rodney, what I'm about to tell you cannot leave this room."

He tried to keep his gaze away from the ensuing gap in her blouse that exposed the creamy skin behind the white fabric. "Of course," he gulped. He would do anything for her.

Sam's mouth twitched in a brief humorless smile. "I've known for years that there's a possibility that other Stargates exist in this galaxy."

Rodney was not sure what to think about what Carter had just told him. She had known about one of the most exciting discoveries in human history, and she had been sitting on it for years? "More than 'other Stargates," he stuttered, "there...there could be a near infinite number of 'gate addresses. All that I'm missing in order for us to go there are the matrices of the hieroglyphs. We could travel anywhere in the galaxy!"

Sam nodded. "Exactly," she said. "And if you present this information to O'Neill and the others, they'll use it to enslave more people, or they could even start a war with a far more advanced society, which might leave Earth vulnerable to attack."

Rodney blinked. He hadn't considered any of those possibilities. When Rodney taught at the university, Simpson used to say that he always forgot to consider the human element in science. "Shit," he said, rubbing at his forehead. "I - I already added the new equations, and Radek has just updated the network, and O'Neill has access - " Rodney's heart began to beat frantically at the thought of what he had just done.

Sam waved her hand. "No, no. O'Neill is terrified of math; that's why he has Sheppard on his staff. Sheppard's a math wiz, and he takes care of anything with more than three digits for O'Neill. " She ran a hand through her blond hair. " Relax, I've hacked into your profile on the network and reversed some of the ratios." Sam gave Rodney a warm smile and moved to squeeze his hand, which was resting on her desk. "I took care of it all. Actually, I wanted to let you know how impressed I am that you caught the possibility of other 'gates from just the data gathered from our travel through the wormhole."

Rodney was caught up in the feel of her hand on his; her skin was so soft. Rodney's thumb smoothed over her knuckle. She dipped her head down and blushed. Rodney pulled his hand off her desk. He didn't want to embarrass her, especially after everything else she'd been put through by O'Neill.

"Sorry," he said softly.

She smiled at him again. "I was just thinking..." she began. "No, it's silly," she trailed off.

Rodney leaned forward in his chair. "No, no, what were you thinking?"

Sam held his gaze as she spoke. "It's just that, well . . . after being here for so long and being treated like a piece of . . ." Her smile faded.

Rodney knew exactly how she felt. "Like a piece of meat," he offered. His hand found hers again.

Sam looked down at their touching hands. "Exactly, like someone's property. It's just nice to know there are still decent, caring people ready to accept me for who I am - "

Rodney gently squeezed Sam's hand. "Who appreciate you for your work or your intelligence and not your diminishing gag reflex." Rodney saw the corners of her mouth curl as she attempted to keep from smiling.

"I've never had anyone to talk to about this, Rodney. Well, I did have a few sessions with a therapist, but I know never to do that again."

Rodney harrumphed, "Tell me about it. I saw one yesterday, and I think she did more harm than good. This place is crazy. For therapy they send over the same woman who was realtor for the house Sheppard bought for me. Apparently, she's also a shrink. The woman even held the paperwork for him while he pushed me up against a wall and groped me. Then she expected me to share my feelings with her."

"Are you kidding me?" Sam laughed. "Heightmeyer is your realtor and your therapist? Talk about a conflict of interest." She held a hand over her giggling mouth. "I'm sorry, that's not funny."

It really wasn't funny, but Rodney was giggling too. "You're right, it's really messed up." Rodney laughed even harder. It felt so good to laugh for a change. He realized that he couldn't remember the last time he'd even wanted to laugh, let alone laughed so hard, and Sam was so beautiful when she was happy.

Still holding her hand over her mouth, Sam said, "I'm sorry, sorry." She got up from her seat and walked around her desk. "I shouldn't keep you," she said. "I know you have some place to be." She stopped directly in front of Rodney and leaned back on her desk.

Rodney drank in her beauty as she stood before him. He pictured her long, smooth and creamy legs hidden below that tragically long blue skirt. His thoughts wandered to her breasts; so round and full, and her lips, so . . . He noticed that she was staring at his lips, her facial expression clouded. "I . . ." he began. He leaned forward on his rickety seat. "I need to be . . ." he needed to be here with her, he needed to make her understand. He pushed himself out of the chair and stood inches from her. The sudden heat between them was electric.

"Rodney." Her gaze darted between his eyes and mouth. "I shouldn't ask you this," she said breathily, "but I'll regret it if I don't."

His hands ached to touch her, but he kept them tightly squeezed at his sides. "Anything, Sam," he said.

"Rodney, I want to be wanted and not used. I - "

After a brief moment's silence, in which Sam stared intently at him, Rodney moved to touch her face and bring their lips together. So soft! Her mouth was warm and silky, everything he'd remembered. He felt her arms wrap around his shoulder blades. Her lips parted and emitted a small whimper. Rodney pulled away, but her nose rubbed against his.

"Don't stop. Please, Rodney I - I just need . . ."

He grunted to show that he understood her, and he pulled his face further from Sam's and took a firm hold on her waist. Understanding his gesture, Sam swept the pile of papers off of her desk before she hopped up onto it, and he leaned over her legs to continue the kiss. She immediately pulled her skirt up her thighs and then tugged at his sweat pants to pull him between her legs.

Rodney was rapidly hardening. Her heat was begging for him. Her palms roamed his chest, and Rodney finally had the courage to do the same. First, his left hand pressed at one breast, and then his other hand squeezed her until he found the nipple under her bra. It slipped away too quickly.

The whimper in her throat went straight to his dick, and his hips bucked forward. He furiously tore at the buttons of her white blouse. A button popped off and the rest released. "Sorry, sorry," he muttered, but his hand was already under her lace bra. She was softer than down and Rodney's hips bucked forward again.

Sam's hand pressed his right hand off of her chest and pulled it down her body. Rodney understood the message instantly. He sucked at her tongue while darting deeper into her sweet mouth. His hand squeezed behind her knee and pulled her forward. His fingers danced along her inner thigh as his hand crept forward still.

Her back was arched into him. She pulled back. "Rodney, please don't tease. Touch me!"

His fingers found her spot instantly, and she bucked into him. Her eyes glazed over, and her head tipped back. She was warm and soft. He pushed her underwear to the side and felt her moist between her labia. He felt a thrill of excitement to find her smooth and shaved.

He was rapidly running out of room in his pants. He pulled his hands back from Sam and hooked his thumbs under the elastic of his sweats.

She slid off the desk, and hiked up her skirt. "Ever since I saw you -"

Rodney cut her off with a kiss. His pants were around his knees. "Any woman who can argue with me about wormhole physics -"

She removed her panties and cut him off with another kiss. She squeezed his arms, and he pressed her back against the desk.

Rodney suddenly remembered that he didn't have any pubic hair either. He was as hairless as Sam. He prayed she wouldn't notice because he wasn't going to let anything perpetrated by Sheppard get in the way of his making love to Samantha Carter.

She hopped back onto the desk with her skirt bunched up around her hips, and Rodney squeezed himself between her legs.

His dick brushed against her left thigh, and he nearly came. With his dick close to the heat between her legs, his hands cupped both of her breasts.

Sam sucked at his bottom lip and pulled away to lift his shirt up over his head. She threw the shirt away and then clawed gently down his chest. Her delicate fingernails scraped over his nipples and all the way down his naked, hairless chest, down his stomach, and to his groin.

Rodney's eye lids fluttered as she reached his dick.

"You've been to that salon on Kiowa?"

Rodney pulled his lip into his mouth and bit down at the sensation of her hand on his cock. But she had noticed his lack of body hair and it made his stomach feel as though a cold fist was twisting his guts.

"Me too," she said huskily in his ear. "O'Neill makes me go and I hate him for it, but, God, everything feels so close when I have no hair. Like your hand on me feels like it's under my skin and right on my nerves." She pressed her lips to his, and her tongue licked across the seam.

"It's embarrassing is what it is," he muttered before opening his mouth to receive her tongue, feeling a little better about his own hairlessness.

Her hand stroked down his shaft, and her fingers massaged his testicles.

His balls twitched, and he nearly came again.

"Oh, god, even your balls are smooth!" she moaned. " Rodney, you have no idea how hot -"

He cut her off with a kiss. He never expected his hairlessness to be a turn-on for anyone other than Sheppard, and her husky voice made his dick twitch in her hand.

His left hand squeezed the back of her right knee, and he slid the index and middle fingers of his other hand between her labia. Stroking her clit on the way down, he pressed into her hot, slick channel.

She moaned deeply and the vibrations of her voice tickled at Rodney's lips. She broke off the kiss, and her head tipped back. Her red lips were open as she gasped each breath.

Rodney pulled his fingers out and pushed back in. The next time he did so, he pressed his thumb against her swollen nub.

She was wet and ready. She squeezed his dick hard and she moaned louder. Her hand was suddenly slick against him with a spurt of his pre-ejaculate.

"Sam?" he moaned questioningly.

She nodded her head. "Yes, now!" She pulled at his shoulders to bring him closer.

He kissed and nibbled on her neck, and she guided him as he pushed forward. He was there, the head of his penis was resting snug just inside of her and -

"Wait. Rodney, wait." Samantha squeezed his shoulder.

With a great effort, Rodney stilled his hips and cupped her face with one hand.

He eyes were so blue. She started, "It's just that - Well, he's so rough, and - and . . ."

He kissed her forehead lightly. "Samantha, I would never hurt you. I want to make you feel beautiful." The reminder that O'Neill was hurting her was like ice water on his back.

She smiled. "You always make me feel beautiful. Every time you look at me." She squeezed his dick, still in her hand, to encourage him, and he slowly thrust inside, trying to make the delicious sensation last as long as possible.

She gave no resistance, but her vagina was tight around him.

God, he was so close to coming! He had to take his time, he had to try to make this good for her. He pressed his head on her shoulder and sighed his satisfaction. He began to kiss and suck on her neck being careful not to leave marks. He slid his hand up her thigh and he dug a thumb between her legs until he found her special spot again. As he stroked it, she let out a sharp breath, and the muscles surrounding his dick clenched.

He wanted to make this slow and gentle, but he wasn't going to last long.

Sam was likewise growing impatient. "Jesus, Rodney," she groaned, "just fuck me. Please!"

"Shh, shh," he soothed. "Radek's outside," he said, before sucking at her lips and delving his tongue into her eager mouth.

Radek was probably still out in the lab and he might be able to hear them, and it could even give him material for blackmailing them both, but right now nothing was going to keep Rodney from making love to Sam. He cupped her neck with one hand. He pulled his other hand away from her clit and grasped her behind a knee. He then eased her onto her back.

Sam moaned, "Move, damn it."

Rodney lightly covered her mouth in case her moans grew too loud.

She wrapped both thighs around his waist, and squeezed him forward slightly.

He looked down at her to search for any sign of apprehension on her face. He found only her desire for him to move forward, but he said anyway, "Sam, if you want to stop at any point, just say the word." She nodded distractedly, and he thrust deeply into her.

Her mouth fell open under his hand, and her eyelashes fluttered.

Rodney's hands were shaking. He had wanted her for so long, and now she was writhing beneath him. He quickened his pace.

He moved his hand from her knee to rub her clitoris again.

She moaned, and Rodney gently muffled the sound with his hand.

His thumb worked on her while his hips moved of their own accord, back and forth into that tight, wet heat.

Her fingers squeezed into his shoulders. "Don't stop!"

At this point Rodney couldn't have stopped even if he tried. Every time his thumb stroked her, her inner muscles clenched around him. If she didn't come soon -

"Uh, ah!" Samantha tensed, and Rodney knew from the rhythmic pulsing of muscle around his dick that she was coming.

The increase in sensation pushed him over the edge; his back arched, his pelvis thrust forward, and he shuddered as he came.

* * *

When Rodney ran to catch the last bus of the day, he felt an energy and exuberance he hadn't felt in a long time. But that feeling disappeared instantly when he walked into the kitchen of his new home and saw Katie's hesitant smile; his liver suddenly felt as though it weighed a hundred pounds.

"Hey, sweety, I'm glad you're home," she said, sounding bright but brittle, as though she was putting effort into being pleasant. "I saved you a plate from dinner. Want me to heat it up?"

Everything was fine. He'd just had sex with another woman, and everything at home was fine.

His brow furrowed, and his mouth opened, but he didn't know what to say. The impact of what he had just done overwhelmed him as he stood in his suburban kitchen while his children slept upstairs. He'd just cheated on Katie... How could he do that to her? "Um . . ." he stuttered.

"Oh," her smile faded. "One of those days at work again?" she asked, her voice suddenly full of sympathy.

Rodney could read her face. She was assuming that he'd been raped again.

He couldn't deal with this, he needed to stall for time. "Um, ah yeah. . . Katie, if you don't mind, I just want to be alone for a while." Rodney walked quickly out of the kitchen and ran up the stairs two at a time to get to the master bathroom, where he locked himself in and leaned against the door, taking deep, shuddering breaths.

Early the next day, Sheppard cornered Rodney in the labs. Zelenka read the situation correctly, divining Sheppard's intentions, and quickly disappeared. Rodney cursed him as a coward, even though Rodney knew Zelenka's presence probably would not have inhibited John in any way. He'd probably prefer the audience, Rodney thought, disgruntled.

"What is it this time, Sheppard?" Rodney demanded snippily, letting his frustration come to the fore. "Come to march me naked down the corridors? Pierce my nipples, or dress me in women's underwear?" Rodney tried to avoid Sheppard's gaze by concentrating on his paperwork and squeezed the pen he was holding.

Rodney told himself that the last time he'd been with Sheppard, he'd been willing to please the man for the sake of making the sexual assault easier to bear. That, and the fact that he'd taken one of Beckett's anxiety meds before giving Sheppard a blowjob under a desk made that claustrophobic drowning sensation go away, so that Rodney could complete the task.

Rodney patted his left pocket, but he only felt a smothering sensation in his chest and throat at the sickening realization that he had left his anxiety pills at home. He was panicking. He no more wanted to deal with Sheppard's fetishes than he wanted to go home and face Katie again, trying to hide what happened with Sam.

The contrast between his encounters with Sam and Sheppard made Rodney think that John Sheppard had to be a true psychopath. The night when Rodney had genuinely felt that John was actually making love to him was just another one of Sheppard's games. What Rodney had experienced in Samantha's office was real lovemaking; two people trying to make each other feel good.

Sheppard's charming smile this morning made Rodney's skin crawl. He tried not to show any of the worry at the thought of what Sheppard might do if he found out that Rodney had been with Sam. Rodney told himself that he meant nothing more to Sheppard than a convenient body to play with, and he tried not to flinch at the idea of how Sheppard might feel about Rodney comparing him to Sam and finding him lacking. He prayed fervently that what he had done with Sam was not showing on his face.

John moved closer behind Rodney and rested a hand on the back of Rodney's neck, stroking the skin as he leaned in and spoke huskily in Rodney's ear. "Maybe next time, but I have a feeling you'll like my idea better considering we have a meeting in ten minutes."

Rodney's lips thinned. So Sheppard did want an audience today.

Sheppard dug in a pocket. "I brought a friend." It was the red vibrator Sheppard had used inside Rodney on the night he bought the house for Rodney's family.

Rodney bolted to his feet, and his chair rolled and smacked against a blinking computer mainframe. "L-look, O'Neill said no more sex in the conference room, remember? Why don't I suck you really fast right now, and then everyone will be happy?"

Sheppard chuckled and moved to lean one hip against the side of Rodney's desk. "I don't want sex from you right now, buddy, " Sheppard said, "but I do want to see you try to keep from squirming and letting people see what this little guy is doing to you, while Jackson lectures to the newbies on 'gate travel." Sheppard closed the gap between them. "If I have to sit and listen to Jackson's same stupid lecture for the tenth time, then I want some entertainment. I want to watch you trying not to come in your pants while I sit far away from you with the remote." Sheppard dug in another pocket and wiggled the matching remote control and vibrator in Rodney's face.

A lump lodged in Rodney's throat.

Sheppard stood away from the desk, he smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Now, bend over."

Rodney swallowed the bile in his mouth and slowly unbuttoned his pants.

Suddenly, Sheppard grabbed Rodney's shoulders, moving him around and forcing him to bend over his desk. Rodney's pants dropped easily from his skinny frame and the blunt head of the vibrator was being forced against his sphincter.

"Relax, relax. Open for your toy, Rodney." Sheppard ordered.

Rodney grunted and tried to focus on loosening his reluctant muscles. "Hang on!" he protested. "I'm trying - Just ow! Ahh!" Rodney hadn't used as much lube this morning as usual.

The vibe slipped inside Rodney and Sheppard made a contented sound. "There, snug as a bug. Now don't move. I want to put on the attachment straps." Hands threaded the black, nylon straps between Rodney's thighs. "God, this is hot," Sheppard murmured as he worked to secure the straps. "If your ass was just a bit more meaty, this would be perfect. We really have to get you fed up, Rodney."

Tears welled in Rodney's eyes at the sensation of the intrusion inside his body, and the pen in his hand snapped into two pieces. He felt the weight of Sheppard as he leaned over Rodney's body and kiss the back of his head. "I'll see you in the conference room in five minutes," he said, "don't be late."

Sheppard left Rodney splayed over the desk with his pants down and his ass plugged. Rodney tried to clean up a little before the meeting, but the ink would not wash off of his hand, and the unwelcome vibrator plugging his ass made him walk awkwardly.

He was the last one to arrive to the conference room, and the only chair unoccupied was next to that smart-mouth lieutenant from the gym. Ford smiled at him. "Hey, doc. Guess I should walk you through those stretches. I didn't think you'd be so sore after your exercises."

I have a dildo in my ass, you punk! Rodney thought as he glared at the kid. He adjusted himself on the chair attempting to minimize the pressure on the plug, and he finally rested his weight on one ass cheek.

Sheppard maintained an innocent expression and purposefully avoided Rodney's glare as he sat near the head of the table.

Dr. Jackson stood and addressed the room. "This mission will be more of a training mission for those of you who are new. I'll briefly cover the effects of 'gate travel on your body, the layout of the Abydosian pyramid, the villages and the natives, and Ra's ship."

Jackson took a long slurp from the thermal coffee mug he was holding - Rodney noticed it bore the logo of the Colorado Avalanche. He hadn't figured Jackson for a sports kind of guy.

"After that, Dr. Carter will discuss your goals for repairing and cataloging the alien gliders. Alright, the first thing you need to remember is to exhale just as you step into the event horizon."

A subtle tickling vibration stimulated Rodney's prostate.

He could ignore it. It would go away. Rodney rubbed his fingers against the ink stain on his palm.

Rodney's legs flexed and his hips jutted under the table as the vibration turned to thrumming. Sweat beaded over his lip. He could he get through this. Ignore it. A swirl of warmth filled his belly. Rodney kept his eyes fixed on Sheppard, but Sheppard would not return the look.

Rodney's ass muscles clenched and unclenched around the red toy, mindlessly enjoying the sensations. He crossed his legs and he dug the heel of his palm into his thigh. He felt an overwhelming need to touch his hardening dick, but his hands knew better than to touch what Sheppard had declared as off limits, especially since the man was right in the room..

"You okay?" Ford whispered, his voice full of concern.

Jackson was saying something about some sort of alien wooly musk ox. Rodney's heart was thudding, and he had no idea what to tell the young man. His brain just wouldn't work. "M'fine," he replied curtly, keeping his eyes front and center.

Rodney's eyes rolled back in his head momentarily as the toy's setting changed to a heavy hammering. He gripped the armrests of the chair, and his hips lifted slightly to hover above the seat, reaching for something to rub his throbbing dick against. It found only the rough material of his underwear.

Sheppard remained calm and collected with a hand resting on his mouth, looking for all the world like he was listening to Jackson's briefing and as though he wasn't the least bit interested in what he was doing to Rodney.

Rodney began to realize that it was only a matter of time before he would come. He could feel wetness spreading against his underwear. He resigned himself to the inevitable and moved to grip the armrests. He tried to keep his breathing even, as the coil of pleasure in his loins felt like it was about to snap.

He stared up at Jackson's presentation on the markings found on the walls of the pyramids at Giza, but in his mind's eye, he saw Samantha's pink nipple surrounded by the milky-white flesh of her breast. He heard John's final huff of breath in his ear as John came deep inside him, with Rodney's arms tight around him. Holding his own hands on his thighs, as he sat lost in the pleasurable sensations inside him, he was reminded of the time that John made him come without a touch to his dick. John's hands had been so hot on his thighs that night.

Slowly, Rodney's balls tightened, and the orgasm was drawn out longer than he thought humanly possible. The numbness in his ears receded as the wetness in his pants adhered to his diminishing erection.

"So our overall goal is to reverse engineer as much of this alien technology as possible for commercial use and to give us a strategic foothold on the global market."

Rodney had forgotten exactly when he'd stopped hearing the lecture. He looked over to Jackson's side and saw the smile Sheppard held behind his hand.

---

After managing to evade Sheppard after the meeting, and getting to the quarters he shared with the colonel to change his BDU pants and remove the vibrator, Rodney tried to focus on his work in the lab and the preparations for his first off-world experience, but his stomach was killing him. He popped open the new prescription bottle of his anxiety meds, obtained from Dr. Beckett, and held a tiny pill under his tongue.

He reminded himself that everyone on this base was screwing or being screwed, and if anyone noticed his whimpering and wet pants at the meeting, they wouldn't hold it against him. Would anyone hold it against him that he'd fucked Dr. Carter when he had a perfectly loving and beautiful wife at home? Did Sam know that he'd had a load in his pants while she lectured about the basics of wormhole physics?

Rodney realized that he'd spent nearly half his lab time fretting about his personal life instead of his work. Before he'd finished the last six equations to his theory that the 'gate could only sustain a wormhole for 33.431 minutes, the new watch John had given him beeped; time to go to the gym.

He let Ford think the he needed more time stretching, which kept Rodney off the treadmill for a few blessed minutes. Rodney was elated to be going off-world soon, but also feared that the alien planet would remind him of the oppression and poverty he'd experience most of his life. Soon, Beckett would want to give him another physical, and Rodney half hoped he'd fail. At the end of the workout, Rodney's face was wet and red.

Fortunately or not, John arrived and saved Rodney from Ford's "squats are your friends" speech.

Rodney went to get a towel from the locker room and to change back into his clothes.

Sheppard followed. "You did so well at the meeting," John said, looking out of place as he sat, wearing full BDUs in the locker room, watching Rodney undress. Rodney braced himself for the inevitable news that, now that he'd whet John's appetite, he'd be fucked and humiliated in some new and inventive way. He kept his gaze on the floor and walls, but he could feel John's eyes on him as he peeled off his sweatshirt. "You haven't told me your plans for the weekend," John said, "so I've made them for you."

Rodney paused with the deodorant under his arm, dismayed. "What?" The weekend, the two days he was permitted to be away from the torture chamber that was Cheyenne Mountain, was time that he could spend with his kids and pretend he wasn't a highly paid sex-slave. He sighed and bent over his pile of clothes on the bench.

"I got you tickets for the zoo. Thought your kids might get a kick out of it," John replied nonchalantly.

Rodney looked up. That didn't sound so bad, but with Sheppard nothing was simple. "What's the catch?"

Sheppard ignored the question and reached into his breast pocket. "Just keep this cell phone on you at all times," he said. "All the numbers you need are programmed into it. Jackson is excavating a new area of some pyramid, or obelisk, or some crap like that. The lab might need your imagination with numbers." John offered Rodney a smile. "That, and lonely nights make me horny."

Rodney smiled back out of social habit. "I guess you saw my work on the network then?" he said as he pulled a fresh black shirt over his head.

John's eyes trailed the passage of the shirt's fabric down over Rodney's upper body. "Your equations are brilliant," he said, "but you need work on your basic algebra."

The comment stung Rodney, even though he knew Sam had purposely rearranged his numbers to make them seem unworkable. "Is there still time for you to hire one of those people you think are more qualified and talented than me?" he tried to sound snappy and angry, but the question sounded more like banter.

An arm wrapped around Rodney's waist, and he fell into John's lap. John's body was strong and muscular and not at all comfortable to sit on.

Sheppard grasped Rodney's chin and turned Rodney's head to face him. Rodney didn't want to look up at Sheppard but he couldn't stop himself. As their eyes met, Sheppard's hand pressed at Rodney's groin. "Keep the cell phone on and charged. No excuses for not taking my calls." Sheppard squeezed at Rodney's left thigh. "Look, Rodney. I'm not sure what happens to your mathematic skills between the time you get the information and the time that you post your work on the network, but I want the correct equations on Monday." John seemed to be in a good enough mood, but Rodney could not judge whether he was angry or joking. One thing was certain:

Sheppard knew that theory on multiple 'gates was purposely incorrect. Rodney's stomach went cold, and the hand on his groin felt like fire. What could he say to the dangerous man whom he just lied to? "Right. Well, ah, guess . . . Monday then."

Sheppard pulled him forward and kissed him. A tongue darted in Rodney's mouth, and Sheppard moaned deeply as they kissed, and then Sheppard released him. "Monday," he said.

Colorado Springs had more sunlight than Rodney, who had grown up in the frozen wastelands of Canada, had ever thought possible. When he had lived in Washington, Rodney's pale skin had appeared almost translucent, but he was sure that after spending most of today outside in the fresh air, he would find tan lines under his collar and sleeves. Rodney had found it hard to adjust to the thought of being able to wear short sleeves at all in the first place. His childhood in Canada required that he dress in layers of clothing, long sleeve shirts under short sleeve ones - just in case - and he always carried a jacket, even in the summer months.

He smiled to himself as he watched his family arguing among themselves about which habitats to visit first. The kids were full of energy, now that they ate healthy-sized meals, and Katie was having a hard time keeping up with them. She valiantly tried her best to harass them into wearing sunscreen. Rodney kept their place in the entrance queue and watched the 'family drama' unfold before getting to the top of the line and giving the four tickets Sheppard had give him to a woman in a booth shaped like a giraffe. A gift shop was immediately adjacent to the ticket booth, and Rodney, who was enjoying the bright, warm weather and feeling rather pleased with himself, splurged on sunglasses from the souvenir shop.

Cleya and Casta followed him inside the store and looked longingly at the stuffed animals, so much so, that Rodney could only persuade them to leave by telling them it was too hot to carry souvenirs around the zoo and by reassuring them that they could have whatever they wanted on the way out.

Thanks to Sheppard's generosity towards Rodney's family, the recent changes in diet and lifestyle had given the children more energy and vigor, but despite that they were still shy and uncomfortable in the new city and still wary of venturing far from their parents. Cleya held Katie's hand, and Casta wanted to be carried in Rodney's arms.

The children had only ever seen animals in picture books, or on the rare occasions they had access to television. Being faced with a zoo filled with strange animals and the resultant noises was both exciting and frightening for them. Casta shivered in Rodney's arms when the lion roared.

The family dawdled their way along the winding paths to the various animal enclosures; the apes, the wolves, the elephants, and they participated in feeding time for the giraffes. Eventually, after much gentle coaxing from their parents, the kids found the confidence to push the buttons on the displays at the bear exhibit with some other children from a school group.

"Daddy, Daddy! This kind of bear is from Washington, too!" Cleya exclaimed happily while Rodney and Katie purposely stood back to allow their two kids the opportunity to interact with the other children from the school group.

With the kids distracted, Rodney turned to Katie. "I'm going to find the little boys' room."

"You're worst than Casta at drinking too much before we leave the house." Katie spoke to him while keeping her gaze on the children. "I don't want any of us getting lost," she said. "Why don't you wait, and we'll all go at the same time?"

She turned to smile at Rodney, and he noticed how the green dress she wore made her hazel eyes sparkle. Rodney found himself automatically comparing her eyes to Sam's and then feeling a strong wave of guilt wash over him.

After all they had been through in their six years of marriage, Rodney could understand Katie's desire to keep the family group together while they were out in a public forum. When they had lived in Washington and waited for food in the degrading federal aid lines, they had been verbally abused for being a mixed Canadian-American couple. Average citizens who would never use the word in polite conversation, freely called Rodney a "maple" as they drove past. But Rodney really didn't relish the idea of trying to pee with eight screaming school boys and his son in the restroom. "No, no," he said, patting her arm, "I'll meet up with you guys at the reptile room.

By the grace of God, the boys' room across from the tropical birds' cage was empty. Rodney put his new sunglasses in his pocket and went inside. The facilities were clean, but once again he found himself in an unpleasant dilemma as he looked at the urinals. After a moment's dithering, Rodney decided against disobeying Sheppard's rule about him touching himself and made use of the stalls. He ended up hovering above a toilet shaped like a tiger's head to relieve himself.

The highly unusual nature of his work relationships was very much at the forefront of his mind at times like these. Jesus, I can fuck another woman behind my wife's and Sheppard's backs, but I can't hold my dick and take a piss?

Despite the irony, and the unpleasant reminder of his status as Sheppard's toy, Rodney found that he was actually enjoying himself today. The zoo animals were certainly interesting, and like his children, Rodney had never seen exotic animals in real life before. It horrified him somewhat to notice that the living conditions in the animal enclosures put every apartment in his old Washington neighborhood to shame. It disgusted Rodney to think that these days, it was possible for caged animals to live better than humans.

Newspapers and television promised that life would get better once the world had recovered from Korwitz's war mongering, but working at the SGC had made Rodney very much aware of the true balance of power and priorities in America. Biases and the economy wouldn't be improving for the general populace unless it suited the ruling cabal to allow it. He found a way to improve his station in life by working for the SGC and helping to investigate alien technology that was being used to enslave alien populations and to corner the global technology markets, but today his kids were smiling, they had enough to eat, they slept in proper beds and they lived in a decent family home. Plus Katie had finally stopped looking at Rodney with that sad look. Life could have been a hell of a lot worse for him.

Rodney flushed and left the stall to wet his hands in the sink shaped like an elephant's nose. He splashed some water on his face and washed the sunscreen out of his eyes. He looked up in the mirror and saw -

"Sheppard!" Rodney turned to face him, his hands gripping tight to the edges of the sink. "What are you . . . Why are you here?"

Sheppard was dressed in a loose, red and green floral shirt, khaki shorts and hiking sandals. Unlike Rodney's pale skin, and ill fitting clothes, Sheppard and his attire easily blended in with the local dress. In answer to Rodney's question, he held up a mobile phone. "Global positioning system," he said smugly. "I can find you wherever you are in the world as long as your cell phone is on." He smiled and slipped the phone into his pocket. "Dr. Frasier is working on a similar implant to help us find captured soldiers off-world." He took a step forward and stood inches from Rodney.

The shock of Sheppard's unexpected presence and his immediate physical proximity caused Rodney's knees to shake like jello, and he leaned back against the elephant sink for support. "Something tells me you're not here to just talk shop," he said wearily.

"You're right," Sheppard drawled as his hand reached out to hover above Rodney's chest before slinking down until it found Rodney's groin.

The hand on his dick made Rodney's stomach lurch with unwanted arousal and disgust. Rodney held himself still as Sheppard's other hand hooked behind his neck and pulled his head forward to crush their lips together. Rodney's hands lifted from their grip on the sink and pushed weakly at Sheppard's chest.

Sheppard's other hand left Rodney's groin and reached behind to squeeze his ass cheek while he moved to press his groin flush against Rodney's.

Feeling Sheppard's erection poking against his stomach shocked Rodney enough to fight harder against the stronger man. He grunted as he pulled his lips away from the slick heat of Sheppard's mouth and pushed Sheppard's hand away from his neck. "Christ! There are kids around!"

Anger flashed across Sheppard's face. "Careful, Rodney," he growled. "Don't go spoiling a lovely day."

"Don't run, Casta!" A voice and footsteps echoed into the restroom before the boy and woman appeared in the doorway.

Katie saw Rodney shoved up against the bathroom sink and trying to push Sheppard away. She grabbed Casta's arm, turned 180 degrees, and pulled him back out of the restroom.

Rodney was frantic to chase after them. He pushed hard enough on Sheppard's chest to get free, and he and ran after Katie, but it was too late. Katie, and maybe Casta, had seen Sheppard's body thrust up against Rodney's and his hand on Rodney's ass.

The bright sun blinded Rodney as he exited the restroom. He called out her name to try and make Katie stop, but she ignored him. Rodney caught up to her near the snow cone and cotton candy cart.

She didn't look at Rodney when she spoke and her tone was accusatory. "Casta needs the bathroom," she said.

"Mommy?" Casta pulled at her arm, his parents' unusual behavior was unsettling him.

In complete contrast to her brother, Cleya was desperately jumping up and down in front of the counter of the small cart of sweets, oblivious to her parents' turmoil. She tried to get Rodney's attention by calling out, "Daddy! Daddy, I'm hungry."

"Katie," Rodney said " I-I'm sorry, I - I - "

His attempt to explain was interrupted and he heard an amused and familiar drawl. "You Canadians have the most adorable way of pronouncing your 'o's." John Sheppard stood close behind him and rested a hand on Rodney's shoulder.

Katie tugged Casta's arm and pushed past Rodney and Sheppard on her way towards the next restroom.

"Dad-dy?" Cleya moaned as he showed no intention of buying her the candy she wanted.

Rodney felt like his stomach was going to crawl out of his mouth, and he did not need Cleya moaning at him right now. His body tensed and he rubbed his hand over his face as he tried to decide what to do.

"Hey," Sheppard said affably as he stepped in front of Rodney to address Cleya, "have you ever had a funnel cake?" Sheppard was standing close to Rodney's daughter, and, despite his growing feeling of panic, Rodney couldn't bring himself to stop Sheppard.

Cleya eyed the tall dark man warily before intoning, "I want that pink one."

John gave her a smile. "Okay," he said patting her on the head, "you like cotton candy?"

Cleya didn't answer the question but instead asked, "Are you Daddy's friend?"

Sheppard nodded as he spoke. "You can call me, 'Uncle Johnny'," he said, before addressing the vendor and ordering two cotton candies. He exchanged cash for the fluffy pink orbs on white paper funnels. "Here, Rodney," he said, "try this, you'll like it." He handed the cotton candies to Cleya and Rodney.

Cleya immediately shoved the pink fuzz into her mouth and smiled with pleasure at the sweet taste.

Rodney, who knew better than to refuse food given to him by Sheppard, took a bite wearily, still feeling disturbed by what his wife and had seen him doing with the other man. Eating the candy felt like eating hair that slowly dissolved into sweet liquid on his tongue. His heart was thudding in his chest, flooding his body with adrenaline. The situation was completely out of his control and beyond redemption. Briefly, he considered running back to the van and driving away; anywhere had to be better than this.

But Rodney knew that he couldn't leave his family, not with the risk that Sheppard might throw them out on the street if Rodney ran away. And anyway, knowing Sheppard, and the clout he had at the SGC, it was probable that Rodney wouldn't escape for very long before he was dragged back to Cheyenne Mountain and into Sheppard's bed. No, the best option was to somehow convince Sheppard to leave.

Rodney looked down at Cleya. As she nibbled on the cotton candy, her big eyes darted from her father to the man who'd bought her the treat.

Rodney looked at Sheppard. He was staring straight at Rodney, his expression blank and all the more worrying for the fact that it gave nothing away. Rodney's confidence in his plan to get Sheppard to leave began to lessen.

Rodney watched Cleya pull the cotton candy apart in her fingers before putting small pieces in her mouth.

Sheppard continued to stare at Rodney.

Rodney began to feel more than a little uncomfortable under Sheppard's basilisk stare; he shifted on his feet, wondering what was taking Katie so long. Then he realized that she'd probably taken Casta to the zoo exhibit that was farthest away from Rodney.

"How's your cotton candy," Sheppard asked Rodney, finally breaking the silence.

"Good," Cleya replied, happily scrabbling with her sticky fingers to pull more strands of candy from the paper funnel.

Rodney finally looked at Sheppard and held his gaze. "Why?" he asked. Rodney needed to know why Sheppard had come here to disturb his family when Rodney had thought they had an understanding that Sheppard would leave his family alone as long as Rodney gave him what he wanted.

"'Cause it's sweet. Like strawberries," Cleya replied, oblivious to the conversation between the two men.

Sheppard smiled tightly. "Because I can," he said in a dangerous, soft tone of voice. "I own you. Anything you do, anywhere you go is because I want you to." Sheppard moved to put on a pair of aviator sunglasses which left Rodney faced with reflections of his own pale, sweating face and completely unable to see the man's eyes or judge his mood. "This is a little reminder," Sheppard continued, moving farther into Rodney's personal space and dragging a thumb along Rodney's bottom lip. "You don't get to stop being mine."

Rodney tore his gaze away from the menacing presence that was Sheppard and looked down at his daughter with her little pink mouth hanging open, and her eyes darting between himself and Sheppard. Rodney realized that his own mouth must also have been stained pink from the cotton candy. "Cleya," he said softly, "please go look at the parrots."

"But - "

He raised his voice to make her obey. "I said go!"

Cleya frowned and trotted down the steps to the tropical bird exhibit where Rodney could watch her from the upper level.

Rodney watched her go and took a step back from Sheppard. He stood, squeezing the railing that separated him from the drop to the lower level. "Why now?" he moaned. "Why is making me miserable so important now?"

Sheppard moved to rest his left hip and elbow on the railings and faced Rodney. "I keep my relationships balanced, McKay," he said in a reasonable, even tone. "If you can't follow my rules, I can arrange for remedial lessons, or I can have you replaced. If I give you something, I expect to be respected and obeyed in return."

Rodney snorted in disbelief at the man's audacity. "No!" he hissed. "What you expect is for people to give up their dignity and self-respect when you throw money at them." Rodney took a deep breath and looked directly at Sheppard before continuing in a lower tone. "Every second I've spent around you has been degrading and humiliating, and no amount of money is worth being your slave. If I didn't have a family - "

Sheppard stood up straight as he interrupted Rodney. "But you do have a family," he replied, "because I've allowed you to. I've given you more than money can buy, Rodney. I've given you the sneak peak to humanity's greatest achievement. If you want to throw that all away, just say the word, and I'll have you freezing your ass off in Siberia so fast you'll have frostbite before you know it. Say the word, McKay."

Experience had taught him that Sheppard could be cruel, but he was rarely ever angry with Rodney. Now though, Rodney thought that Sheppard sounded genuinely betrayed.

Rodney swallowed and wrung at the railing under his hands. "So what, you just grope me in front of my wife and kid to remind me to respect you, after you," Rodney lowered his voice to avoid being overheard, "rape me." He faced Sheppard. "Don't forget that that's what this still is," he said emphatically. "You haven't brain washed me. I would never choose to have sex with you."

Sheppard laughed briefly. "Oh, okay. So no more moaning, 'Please, John, fuck me. Oh, please, touch me', while I fuck your ass?" he asked scornfully. "Good, because I was getting tired of your begging."

"Shut up! Rodney growled through clenched teeth, hung his head low, and looked away from Sheppard. "Get to the point and leave . . . please." His mind was racing in response to what Sheppard said. Sheppard expected Rodney's respect and obedience, and he'd lied to Sheppard about so many things. God, did Sheppard know that he'd had sex with Samantha? Is that what this was? Was Sheppard playing with him before punishing him, and his family, for his betrayal? Another wave of sweat covered Rodney's body.

Sheppard pulled on Rodney's shoulder until Rodney faced him. "Listen closely," he said. "You get three strikes with me, Rodney. Consider this your fist strike." Sheppard's fingers tightened their hold Rodney's shoulder as he continued speaking. "I knew you couldn't really be that sloppy, so I reworked your equations and now I know what it was that you were trying to hide. Tomorrow morning I want the correct equations for your theory on multiple wormholes." Sheppard's grip grew tighter still, and Rodney barely suppressed a flinch as Sheppard pulled off his sunglasses and glared at him. "What I don't understand is why you would even post the equations on the network if you didn't want me to see them," Sheppard said. "If I find that you are hiding something that significant from me again, you will learn a new meaning for the words, 'degrading and humiliating'."

Rodney was not expecting the incorrect equations to be the reason for Sheppard's fury. Rodney already knew that Sheppard was no intellectual slouch, but the man was far more intelligent than Rodney had given him credit. Somehow, Sheppard knew that Rodney had purposely kept the correct multiple wormhole theory from him.

Sheppard's grievance with Rodney's actions was logical; it was the first rational problem he'd had with Rodney.

There was still a possibility that the equations would represent disastrous problems for countless alien worlds, but at least Rodney knew how to placate Sheppard.

Rodney ground his teeth in thought and looked up at Sheppard. Since Sheppard was smart enough to know the equations were wrong, he had no obvious choice but to give Sheppard the correct equations.

"Fine."

Sheppard's grip on Rodney's shoulder lessened, and that was just one more thing about the man's behavior that was still not making sense for Rodney. Sheppard had discovered the error on the network and he had realized that it couldn't have been a genuine mistake on Rodney's part, so why wasn't Sheppard fucking him until he bled or shoving spikes up his ass? Why wasn't Rodney lying bruised and bleeding on the floor of Sheppard's bathroom? Sheppard humiliating him during his family outing to the zoo was the mildest form of retaliation that Rodney could have expected.

Rodney watched as Sheppard squinted his eyes and looked down at Rodney's feet. Jesus, was this evil bastard offended by Rodney's lie? If that was true, it didn't fit with the psychopathic behavior he had displayed during the past two months.

"Finish enjoying your weekend with your family, Rodney," John said, releasing his grip on Rodney's shoulder. John sounded resigned. "I'll see you on Monday." Then he turned and walked away.

Rodney watched John disappear down the path, and when he turned his gaze back to Cleya, he found her hanging from a bar that separated her from the parrot exhibit. Rodney was certain he'd missed something in his interaction with Sheppard this afternoon. Sheppard wasn't telling him something, that much was obvious. Rodney needed to find out if Sheppard knew that Rodney had had sex with Sam.

---

Rodney found Katie next to the tiger exhibit, and she absolutely refused to discuss the situation, and he was glad for that.

On the journey home, while Cleya sang and Casta slept in the back seat of the car, Rodney kept running over the events of the past week in his mind.

The only way for Sheppard to know about him and Samantha was if Sam or Radek had told, but neither of them had anything to gain by giving away that kind of information about him.

Rodney knew that Radek didn't approve of Rodney's attraction to Sam, but he couldn't believe that Radek would sell Rodney and Sam out.

And Rodney knew that Sam would never sell him out to Sheppard because she felt the same way about her life at the SGC that Rodney did about his. She had been the one to hide the information on multiple gate addresses from Sheppard and O'Neill in the first place, so she was most definitely not on their side. When she had been with Rodney she had been seeking comfort, not blackmail material.

Rodney was still distracted and musing on the problem as he helped the kids out of their booster seats and into the house. It seemed obvious to him that Sheppard was trying to play some other game because the posting of incorrect equations would not make Sheppard so upset. Unlike O'Neill, Sheppard had no interest in the Stargate or the alien planet.

Rodney was growing increasingly angry and frustrated because he couldn't make sense of John's actions. He'd had it with the mind games. Next time, Rodney was going to be the one moving the pieces across the board.

Besides that, it stung at Rodney to look at Katie. She didn't deserve to be cheated on, but Rodney hated the way she made him feel guilty for what he had done with Sam.

Katie wouldn't lift her eyes to look at him all through dinner, and Rodney did not blame her. Katie must have talked to Casta at the zoo about what they had seen Rodney doing in the bathroom because Casta wasn't asking Rodney to explain things as he usually did when he saw something he couldn't understand. Rodney knew that Casta couldn't understand what he saw at his young age, but he felt angry that when the boy grew up, he would think that his father was queer.

With a mouth full of green beans Cleya asked, "Is the man who bought me candy at the zoo our uncle? Is that why he wants us to call him that?"

Katie glared at Rodney as she scolded her daughter. "Don't talk with your mouth full."

Rodney answered, "He's not your uncle, and you shouldn't talk to him anyway, so don't worry about it."

After dinner Katie refused Rodney's offer of help with dishes, so Rodney prepared the kids for bed. Rodney could tell that Katie was scared and disgusted. When the dishes were dried and put away, and the children were in bed, she turned her face to the grandfather clock in the living room. She sat down on the couch and told him in a calm and definite voice, "If I see him again, Rodney, I'm taking the kids and I'm going away."

Rodney slowly sat down on the chair across from her. He was shocked and mad at her threat; it was unfair and unreasonable of her to blame him for Sheppard's actions. "It's not like I called him there to meet me for a romantic rendezvous, Katie - " he began.

She interrupted him but still wouldn't look at him. "Rodney, I know that he's using the kids and me to get to you," she said. "It's not that I don't love you," she continued, finally turning her head to meet his eyes. "I just think we'd all be better off if he couldn't get to the kids. They don't understand what's happening to you."

No! Rodney's gut reaction was to protest. He couldn't believe that Katie would consider leaving him now that he was finally able to provide a proper lifestyle. Then he remembered that Casta had walked into the restroom while Sheppard had his hand on Rodney's ass. Sheppard had also had no qualms about inviting himself to a family dinner and placing a plug in Rodney's ass while Rodney's family was in the next room. Katie was right; Sheppard was dangerous and, every time the man was around, Rodney's children were exposed to more of Sheppard's perversions. So far Cleya and Casta hadn't witnessed anything grossly indecient, but Sheppard wasn't shy about proclaiming his ownership of Rodney, and he might not always be so circumspect around Rodney's children. Maybe Katie was right. As much as it pained Rodney to admit it, maybe it would be better for Katie and the kids if Sheppard wasn't tempted to be around them.

Katie continued, "I know why now." She explained, "The reason why I wasn't meant have the baby."

The mention of the daughter they'd lost stung at Rodney's heart.

Katie spoke in a monotone. "If I had had the baby, I wouldn't have been able to leave and get the kids away from this situation."

Rodney felt sick to his stomach at what she had said. Was she trying to blame him for the miscarriage? All he had ever wanted was to try and take care of her and his children. Even when he was faced with the disadvantages of being a Canadian living in the United States, Rodney had always put his family first. His desire to protect Katie and the kids was what had led to this situation whereby Sheppard owned him.

Rodney got up paced for several moments. He finally sat on the couch. He started to speak, "Katie . . ." he said, but he couldn't decide whether to agree or disagree with her.

Katie slowly took a seat next to him. "Rodney, you know that I've always loved you, but we both know that we never would have stayed together if I hadn't gotten pregnant, or if the war hadn't started, or if you weren't getting deported." She squeezed his hand.

He knew she was right on all accounts, but it still hurt like hell to hear it out loud. "Yeah. Yeah, I know," he agreed quietly. "But, Katie, I've always wanted to do right by you. I love you." Rodney refused to sniff at the wetness draining into his nose.

Katie leaned her head on his shoulder. "Rodney, to be honest, you've felt like more of a roommate to me than a lover. Maybe that's what marriage is supposed to feel like, and I could live with that, but I am not going to let our kids be exposed to the kind of things you do with that man, even if it does cost us our marriage." She wiped at her face. "I know that you're doing these things to help us - and, and you have. I never in a million years thought we'd be this well taken care of. You've done a good job, Rodney, you need to know that. Maybe one day, he'll, I don't know, get bored with you. For now, though . . ."

Rodney turned to face her. "So is that it?" he asked. "This is the end of our lives together?"

She was quiet for a moment before turning her head to face him. "No," she said. "No, not yet, but it feels inevitable. If I see Sheppard around the kids again, I will lock you out of the house."

Rodney's first reaction was to be angry with Katie for claiming the house that Rodney had debased himself to earn for his family, but then he realized that she was right, and it would be easier for Katie to stay in the house than to uproot the whole family.

"Right, okay," he said. "I - I can stay on the base. I have a room there anyway." He decided not to mention that he shared Sheppard's quarters and had been doing since he moved from Washington. "Maybe I should go there tonight."

Katie nodded. "You don't have to," she said. "It's just that when you're around - "

Rodney finished for her. "Yeah, he - he shows up wherever I go." Rodney stood, intending to go to the bedroom to pack an overnight bag. He had everything he needed on the base, Sheppard made sure their quarters were well stocked, and that he was well provided for, but Rodney wasn't sure that the SGC was where he wanted to go just yet.

He looked over his shoulder at Katie. "You know what?" he said, trying to smile. "This could be a good thing for us. Give us time to really appreciate each other, you know?"

Katie nodded but she avoided his gaze. "You're probably right, yeah," she said, and then her lips thinned. "I don't want to keep you from being with the kids, but - "

Rodney stopped her. He refused to hear the words from her lips that she wouldn't let him see his own kids. "I know, I know," he said quickly. "I'll make sure that the next time I see you all, I will be able to promise that Sheppard will be nowhere around, okay?" Rodney knew that he had no way of trusting Sheppard's erratic behavior, but Katie didn't need to know that. Besides, if Rodney could manage to keep Sheppard satisfied, he might be able to earn the chance to see his kids without interference.

"Okay," she said, a note of finality in her voice.

"Right."

She stepped around him and walked to the kitchen phone. "I'll call you a cab."

Katie didn't even come to the door to say goodbye to him when Rodney left. She didn't move from her seat on the couch or look at him as he gathered together a few things and then went to wait outside on the doorstep for the cab. Rodney hadn't tried to convince Katie to change her mind, although at the last minute he had desperately wanted to. He had toyed with the idea of taking one last look at the sleeping kids but he knew that it would have been too much for him, and it was better if he just made a clean break and left.

"Where to?" asked the cabdriver.

Rodney sat in the back seat of the yellow sedan and hugged his duffle bag to his middle. "Um . . ." Shit! He would rather stay at a motel than go back to the base, but then he'd have to take another cab to work in the morning because he only knew the bus routes from his home to the mountain, and - "1029 Aspen View. That's up on 115." Oh, my god! Why? Why did he give the driver Sheppard's address? Shit!

As the cab pulled out onto the main road, Rodney's hands started to shake. He dug in his pants' pocket and quickly found his anxiety meds. He slipped a little pill under his tongue and wondered how the hell he'd found himself in a cab on the way to Sheppard's house.

This was all Sheppard's fault. He'd planned that zoo thing from the start. The man had obviously decided that it was time to ruin what was left of Rodney's marriage, so that he could further express his dominance and have even more of Rodney to himself. Rodney grimaced as he remembered what Sheppard had said about maintaining balance in his relationships and how he expected respect and obedience from Rodney at all times. He recalled the last expression on Sheppard's face as they'd stood arguing above the parrot exhibit, as the man had looked forlornly at Rodney's feet with his head down and his voice low. He had almost managed to convince Rodney that he felt upset and betrayed by Rodney's decision to post the incorrect equations to the SGC network. The bastard couldn't even stop himself from trying to fuck with Rodney's mind on a family day out to the zoo. He deserved a fucking Oscar for his performance.

Well, whatever Sheppard's plan, Rodney could be sure that he was not expecting Rodney to show up on his doorstep and ask for a place to spend the night. It was time that Rodney did something unexpected for a change, time to see how Sheppard fucking liked being on the receiving end.

God, were they going to have sex? Rodney was so accustomed to getting on his knees or bending over a desk for Sheppard that he hardly resisted anymore.

Not tonight. No way. If Sheppard was going to try to force himself on Rodney, Sheppard was going to have a broken nose and a knee in the groin.

"So . . ." The driver interrupted Rodney from his thoughts. "I know it's none of my business, but I've been a cabdriver for a long time now, and I'm curious. Are you going to your mistress's or your buddy's bachelor pad?"

Rodney kept his gaze fixed on the passing buildings outside the window as he replied, "Which do you think?" he snapped bitterly. Inwardly he cringed at the idea that anyone could describe John Sheppard's house as his "buddy's bachelor pad".

"Well that all depends. If this is your first time getting kicked out by the misses, then you still have hope that you can patch up your relationship, so you're going to your buddy's to drink a few beers and let the situation blow over. If, on the other hand, this is the third or fourth time, you've pretty much given up, and you're heading to your girlfriend's place." The driver tipped his head up and assessed Rodney via the rearview mirror. "You don't have that happy look on your face that says you're going to your girlfriend. In my professional opinion, we're going to the bachelor best friend. Am I right?"

Rodney shifted as the car turned up the familiar road that led to the colonel's place. "You're right. It's none of your business."

The driver was respectfully quiet for the remainder of the drive.

As the cab reached the city limits, Rodney's anxiety medication started to kick in and he stopped worrying about what he wanted to say to Sheppard. He'd wanted to hurt Sheppard as much as Katie had hurt him, but he knew that Sheppard was incapable of feeling anything. All he wanted now was a place to sleep and a ride to work in the morning.

The city lights grew dim as the road they drove along was surrounded by mountains and trees, and Rodney lay back against the passenger seat head rest and numbly watched the stars above. He had hardly ever seen the stars in Washington because of the near nightly overcast.

The cab pulled into a driveway and came to a stop. "Your fare comes to twenty-eight, eighty-eight."

Rodney handed the driver a fifty and ten dollar bill and exited the cab.

"Good luck with the wife," the driver said, not unkindly, and drove away.

The aspen and pine trees surrounding the cabin swayed in the cool night breeze, and Rodney felt a chill down his spine at the noise the wind made as it moved the branches. The porch light wasn't lit, but Rodney could see lights on in the living room and kitchen lights.

He swallowed, looked back down the road at the city below, turned, and made himself walk up the porch steps. He knocked lightly on the door, his heart beating rapidly despite the calming effects of his medication. After a moment's hesitation he Rodney knocked harder. Moments later he heard foot steps approaching, and then the door swung open.

Sheppard, wearing boxers and an airforce t-shirt, looked blearily at Rodney through the screen door. "What are you doing here?" he asked, sounding tired but surprised.

The sight of his tormentor brought back some of Rodney's hurt and anger and gave him the nerve to pushed his way through the cracked door and into the house. Sheppard offered no resistance as Rodney shouldered past him. Rodney looked around the dimly lit cabin and snarkily replied, "You got me kicked out of my house, so I think it's only fair that I stay here. Don't you?" He turned to glare at Sheppard and got his first good look at the man.

Sheppard's hair was more disheveled than ever, and as Rodney glowered at him, he took a swig from the beer bottle in his hand. His eyes looked tired and he drawled more than usual as he spoke. "I thought you hated me," he said as he shut the door and walked to the couch. He sat down and picked up his guitar, looking for all the world as though he was set to ignore Rodney's unexpected presence in his house.

A music book was lying out on the coffee table, so Sheppard had obviously been playing before Rodney arrived. A nice quiet evening at home for the neighborhood power-hungry psychopath, Rodney thought to himself disgustedly.

"Of course I hate you," Rodney said animatedly. "I wasn't finished telling you how much I hate you at the zoo before you left. And now, because of you showing up to fondle me in the bathroom, my wife is so upset that she wants me out of the house and as far away from my own children as possible." Rodney paced the floor, his pent up emotions making it hard for him to stay still now that he was finally in the room with Sheppard.

"Want a beer?" Sheppard asked as he strummed lightly on the guitar strings.

Rodney ignored the offer and continued. "I can't stand the sight of you. I have panic attacks when I smell you or even remember the things you've done to me. The only way I can cope is to," Rodney dug into a pocket, "is to take sedatives." He rattled the orange bottle in the air.

Sheppard continued to strum and gave a frustrated laugh. "Fine. Then leave."

Rodney stopped his pacing and dropped his duffle bag on the floor. "Oh, no, no, no," he said, clicking his fingers loudly at the other man. "See, now I know what the game is and I know how to throw the dice. You're an ego-maniacal sadist, and the game's no fun for you if I have control." Rodney tore off his jacket and threw it on the ground; Sheppard kept his place too damn warm. "You resent the fact that I'm making decisions on my own. You're angry because I can still think for myself and because I'm not your brain washed little slave. I chose to lie to you and to change my equations."

John set his guitar down on the coffee table and grabbed his beer but did not look at the irate man in front of him.

Rodney shouted, "I did what I wanted, not what you wanted me to do, and you don't like it!" Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and smirked at Sheppard. "So, who did you bully into reworking my wormhole theory, huh?"

Sheppard gulped at his beer. He slammed the empty bottle back on the table and took a breath before shouting, "I can't trust you anymore!"

Sheppard's unusual show of anger shocked Rodney into dropping his arms by his sides and watching Sheppard closely as the man licked at his lips before continuing.

"Carter's a self-serving bitch, and she's stolen ideas from every scientist on the base," Sheppard said huskily. "She sits on their work until they leave, or she gets O'Neill to have them removed, then she passes their work off as her own. That's why I've been keeping an eye on your work from day one, I knew that you were a match for her and that she'd see you as a rival, so I made sure she knew you had my protection." Sheppard hung his head and pulled his fingers through his already disordered hair. "I should have known she'd try to get to you somehow. You fell for her vulnerable heroine act, didn't you?" he said, his voice quiet and aimed at the floor.

You damned liar! Rodney thought. "Bullshit. You expect me to believe that you understand wormhole physics? To believe that Sam Carter is really as twisted and power hungry as the rest of you psychos at the SGC? Please, you can't - "

Sheppard pointed a firm finger at Rodney. "Don't you dare question my intelligence, McKay. You don't know me."

"I've been practically living with you for the last two months and I've seen all I ever want to see of Colonel John fucking Sheppard!" Rodney sneered as he gestured dismissively towards the other man. "Oh, so what - you're telling me that you're really some kind of macho Mensa genius who decided to serve the country he loves? Give me a break." Rodney saw fury flash across Sheppard's face, but he continued anyway. "The only thing you know how to do is fuck with people's minds and bodies. You're nothing but a bullying fag -"

Sheppard got to his feet quickly and stomped toward Rodney.

Rodney stood his ground, refusing to be intimidated, the man had already molested Rodney, and ruined his life, there wasn't much more he could do to make Rodney miserable. "That's right. Prove my point." Rodney's heart was racing despite the sedative he'd taken. He could smell Sheppard's all too familiar scent, as the man loomed inches away, and he could feel the heat radiating from Sheppard's body.

"I don't need this," Sheppard said gruffly, "especially not from you." His fists squeezed at his sides.

The hot, musty scent of beer on Sheppard's breath hit Rodney's face.

Rodney lowered his voice but his tone was no less venomous. "That's because you don't know how to handle another human being who can stand up to you. Like I said, Sheppard, you only know how to bully or fuck people into submission."

Sheppard's lips pursed, and his hand shot out. His fist curled around Rodney's neck and squeezed but he stopped short of restricting Rodney's breathing.

Rodney laughed. "If you'd like, I can recommend you to a good therapist." Rodney said, laughing hard at his own joke.

Sheppard's lip curled in a sneer and he growled as he pushed Rodney back.

Rodney stumbled but continued his mocking laughter until his back slammed against a thick, pine support beam. He leaned into the hand around his throat and locked eyes with Sheppard. "I hate you," he spat.

There was a flash of emotion in Sheppard's eyes that Rodney couldn't read, but he braced himself for the impending fist to his jaw. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes in preparation and -

He felt something warm and wet against his lips. He opened his eyes and saw the bridge of John's nose and his closed eyelids. The hand slid away from his neck and moved to press at his shoulder.

Rodney's nostril's flared and he gripped at Sheppard's shoulders to push the bastard away. Instead, John moaned deep in his throat and, shockingly, Rodney found himself pulling those broad shoulders closer, urging John to mold his lithe body to his own. They were pressed so tight to each other that Rodney could feel the other man's heart beat on his chest.

A tongue licked at the seam of his lips and Rodney opened his mouth immediately. Rodney met the other tongue with his own. He turned his head up and to the left, and John's bottom teeth clanked against Rodney's in their haste. It didn't stop their fervor, and they both pushed their lips forward to cushion the frantic kiss.

Rodney squeezed the corners of John's blue t-shirt in his hands before pushing the taller man away.

John was breathing hard and he searched Rodney's face for clues as to what Rodney was thinking.

Rodney's lips contracted into a tight smile. He let out three hard breaths before curling his hands around the bottom of his own t-shirt.

John licked his lips and watched with eagerness as Rodney pulled the shirt over his head.

Rodney tossed it across the living room, and the guitar offered a muted note as the shirt landed on it.

John stood still, waiting for Rodney to make the next move. His gaze fell on Rodney's chest as it rose and fell quickly. Rodney's nipples were hard nubs and John stared intently at them.

Rodney likewise eyed John's body. John's erection was obvious behind his boxers. Rodney suddenly realized that his own dick was growing stiff with arousal. Rodney's hand reached under John's shirt and pressed at the warm skin behind it.

John immediately pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it to the floor.

John groaned as Rodney's fingers combed through the thick black hair on his chest and Rodney's palm pressed at John's pec.

John cupped Rodney's jaw and softly sealed his lips over Rodney's. His other hand held Rodney's hand at his breast to keep it there.

Rodney grazed John's lower lip with his teeth before sucking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue around the trapped lip.

John pressed at Rodney's jutting hip bone, but to Rodney's surprise, he made no move to touch Rodney's erection. Instead, John pressed their hips together and hissed his pleasure at the sensation into Rodney's mouth. The rough fabric of Rodney's pants could not have been comfortable against John's cock, but he pushed against Rodney anyway.

Rodney arched his back to press his pelvis harder against John's to urge John into removing at least one of the articles of clothing separating their cocks, but John's hands moved to roam across Rodney's chest. Rodney groaned in disappointment when John's fingers didn't even brush over his nipples.

Frustrated, Rodney bit at John's chin.

John jerked his head back. "Ow!"

"Touch me!"

John glared at Rodney. "I am." The façade of anger quickly disappeared from John's face and he asked quietly, "Do you want me to?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "What part of - "

John cut him off. "No, Rodney, do you really want me to touch you?"

The angry banter with which they had started the night was gone.

Rodney searched John's eyes. There was a brightness and clarity in those eyes that reminded Rodney of the night he'd felt that they'd really made love. He squeezed John's arm and looked over John's shoulder to gather his thoughts.

On the coffee table were three empty beer bottles, a Johnny Cash music book, the guitar and a solved rubix cube. Was Rodney seeing the real John Sheppard? The one that Carson had told Rodney about; the man who John had been before they used the sarcophagus on him?

Despite his wonder at seeing this new side to John, a little voice in Rodney's head reminded him of how he'd felt after the last time he'd thought they'd made love. He'd thought that John had really felt something for him that night, but then the man's domineering behavior in the bathroom the next morning, and Carson's description of what John had done to his previous toys, had made Rodney feel so disgusted with himself for feeling anything for John.

Rodney looked John in the eye. "I hate you. All of those horrible things you've done to me . . ." he said but he couldn't finish the sentence.

John bit his lip and nodded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - "

Rodney's gaze was drawn to John's mouth, and he squeezed his arms. "Right now I want you . . ." he whispered. "I want you to touch me." Rodney pulled him forward and kissed him.

John was hesitant and cautious at the beginning of the kiss. He held Rodney's face as they kissed and pulled at Rodney's lips with his thumb as well as his mouth. His other hand clawed lightly from Rodney's collar bone all the way down to Rodney's pants.

Rodney jutted his hips forward at John's light touch. Rodney mewled his encouragement as his pants were opened and he felt a cool hand on his dick. The sensation made his legs tremble and he held onto John's shoulders for support. Rodney ended the kiss in order to catch his breath. He leveraged his heels to his toes and maneuvered his shoes off his feet. Likewise, he shimmied off his pants and underwear.

John was slow and gentle with his strokes to Rodney's dick. He cupped Rodney's balls as he rubbed his cock against Rodney's stomach. He rested his face against Rodney's neck.

Rodney reveled in John's short, hot breaths on his neck and ear. He whimpered as John lightly kissed and sucked on his collar bone.

John's hand squeezed Rodney's balls before venturing back behind them. John's finger pressed at Rodney's perineum, stroking lightly and causing Rodney to spread his legs and tilt his hips to feel more pressure. Finding Rodney unprepared with lube, John moved his hand away to put his finger in his mouth and he sucked on it for a moment before returning it. After teasing with gentle touches around Rodney's hole John pushed gently inside Rodney.

Rodney's legs trembled again as his prostate was fondled.

"John!"

John pulled his hand away and moved his head to look at Rodney with big eyes.

Rodney held his breath, waiting for John to explain why he had pulled his hand way. He tilted his hips to remind John to keep stroking his dick.

John pressed his palm against Rodney's dick in response and asked, "Do you not want me touching you there?"

Rodney couldn't think straight because of the sensations John was causing. "What? No. I mean, yes. Wait, what?" Rodney gave up trying to talk and instead hooked his thumbs in the elastic of John's boxers, desperate to have John's skin touching his.

John pulled back his hips to resist Rodney's attempt to take off his underwear. "I just . . . I don't want . . . I'm not going to do this if you don't want me to." John was uncharacteristically flustered as he spoke.

Colonel Sheppard didn't want to fuck Rodney against his will?

Rodney took a moment to consider John's words before he responded. "No, no. It felt good when you touched me there," he explained.

"Oh." John moaned, his facial expression softening. "Do you want me to do it again?" he asked as he kissed Rodney's cheek and squeezed his dick, trying to keep the momentum going.

But the frantic lust Rodney had felt was wearing off and was being replaced by awkward arousal.

"Uh, maybe later," he ventured. "Do you want to . . ." Rodney pointed his chin to John's bedroom.

John turned to see what Rodney was pointing at. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Sorry, I didn't realize."

"S'okay," Rodney replied out of habit when someone said, "sorry". Rodney was unaccustomed to reassuring John. It all felt so backwards.

John looked up and down Rodney's body and took a step back. "A-after you."

Rodney raised an eyebrow at John and led the way to the bedroom in nothing but his socks. He flicked on the light switch and saw DVDs scattered on the bed and television. He could also see that the camera, that Sheppard used so frequently to record his assaults on Rodney, was off its tripod and broken into three different pieces on the floor.

"I . . . I, ah, was going over some old stuff." John said as he hurriedly rearranged and cleared off the bed.

Was that a flush of embarrassment on John's face?

Rodney watched as John cleared the bed of debris. "Do you want to . . . " he said, gesturing with his hands.

John was in front of Rodney in two steps and held Rodney's face. He slowly and gently pressed his lips against Rodney's.

Rodney held John's upper arms and turned his head into the kiss. He jutted his jaw forward slightly, letting John's lips have the effect of warming Rodney from the inside. Then he pushed pushed back on John's arm and pulled his head away to look at John one last time.

John's eyes were so bright and clear, like a veil had been lifted. He dipped his head down at Rodney's stare.

Rodney bit at his lip before bending his legs to sit on the bed. He squeezed John's hand and encouraged him to lie with him.

What else did Rodney have to lose? Katie was leaving him, and now he had nowhere to go but back to Cheyenne Mountain and the patronage of Colonel Sheppard. And if this was the real John Sheppard he was seeing, then how many opportunities would he have to get to know this man before the SGC psychos changed John back into the manipulative bastard?

John rested a knee next to Rodney's hip, and he pushed at Rodney's shoulders to urge Rodney to lie supine with his head on the pillows.

Rodney hated how all of John's pillows were as flat as pancakes. It did nothing for Rodney's cervical and thoracic vertebrae, but Rodney forgot about that when John spread his body over Rodney's with his limbs on either side of Rodney.

Rodney's fingertips roamed across John's back and chest as he kept his eyes locked with John's.

John seemed hesitant to touch Rodney like he was waiting for a sign from Rodney to stop or to protest the turn of events tonight.

Rodney lifted his head and pecked a kiss on John's chin. When that didn't produce the reaction from John that he wanted, he arched his back trying to get some kind of pressure on his dick.

John hissed and pressed his erection hard against Rodney's stomach. His boxers were tights and damp in one small spot. He hooked his thumbs between John's flesh and the elastic and pushed down, and this time John didn't resist. Rodney carefully stretched John's underwear to prevent it from scraping painfully across his erection. Immediately Rodney's hand surrounded John's dick and pressed it against his own. He moaned into John's mouth.

John sucked Rodney's entire lower lip, briefly pinching it between his teeth, before pulling back.

Rodney jerked away and grimaced. John's eyes opened wide to search Rodney's face. Rodney pressed his tongue against the inside of his lower lip, and the knuckle of his index finger pressed at the outside. "I'm fine," he said. "I just bite my lips sometimes, and you scratched it."

"Let me see," John said. He turned Rodney's lip inside out and examined the bite. "You shouldn't do that." Once again their eagerness for sex was slowed by John's concerns for Rodney.

Rodney wanted to shake off the confusing effects of this caring John, so he pursed his lips together and thrust his hips up to regain the friction.

John kissed the hollow between Rodney's lip and chin. He lowered his head and rested it in the crook of Rodney's neck. He whispered, "I don't feel much like fucking," like it was a secret no one but Rodney should ever hear.

Rodney was frustrated. He was the one encouraging John. He was the one pressing his dick against John's. Rodney wrapped an arm around John's arm and squeezed John's erect dick hard. "Than what's this?"

John groaned but grabbed both of Rodney's wrists.

Rodney did not resist as John pulled his hands above his head. That was, not until he felt the familiar silk rope against his wrists. "What are you doing?" he asked worriedly.

John wrapped the black rope around his wrists and pulled it tight into a knot. He shifted his weight and stood from the bed.

Hey, wait a second!" Rodney said loudly. "Wait!"

John avoided Rodney's glare and turned to walk into the adjacent bathroom and he closed the door behind him.

"Sheppard!" Rodney called but to no avail. It became clear to Rodney that protesting was useless. He struggled against his restraints while he thought. Had John tied him up because John suddenly wasn't interested in sex? God, had Rodney been forcing John the way Sheppard forced him? No, Rodney wasn't threatening John or holding John down.

Rodney shivered with a sudden chill. There was a bang from inside the bathroom. He stilled his hands and tilted his head to hear more.

There was the muffled sound of drawers and cabinets opening and slamming shut before it was quiet again for several moments. Then there was a shuddering whimper, at least, that's what it sounded like to Rodney.

Rodney continued his twisting and pulling at his bonds. The rope around his left hand came a little loose, and Rodney worked at it until he could almost wiggle his hand out of the loop.

The bathroom door opened and John stood in the doorway. As he looked at Rodney he used the heel of his hand to wipe at the dampness in his eye.

"What were you doing in there?" Rodney chuckled, "It sounded like you were crying." Rodney raised his eyebrow just as he realized that John probably was crying.

John shifted his gaze down. He lifted a small bottle in his hand for Rodney to see. "If you want . . ." he said quietly.

Rodney's dick twitched at the sight and the connotations the bottle held. He chewed again at his lip. John had brought out a bottle of lube, so Rodney knew that John was offering sex, but then why did he sound like he was crying in the bathroom? "Look, I think maybe we need to talk," Rodney said. "You're confusing me, and I don't know what you want. I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want."

John straddled Rodney's legs, and Rodney grew warm from the inside out again at John's proximity.

Rodney reached out with his free hand and touched John's knee. He cursed himself for the fact that he felt anything other than apathy for Sheppard. He had just left his wife half an hour ago and he was already in John's bed.

With an effort of will, Rodney put those thoughts out of his mind and stroked up John's thigh with his fingertips, trying to reassure him with his touch.

"I don't know what I want either," John said. "I just want to feel right now." Rodney knew that Sheppard saying those words would have sounded demanding and lustful, but John sounded quiet and pleading. He tossed the lube on the bed next to Rodney.

Rodney stilled his hand on John's skin. "You want to stop, don't you?" he asked.

John looked down at Rodney's body but did not look into his eyes. He slid down the bed and spread Rodney's legs.

Rodney swallowed in confusion, guessing that fingers in his ass were coming next. He closed his eyes, half hating John for doing the same thing that Sheppard did, and half wanting those fingers to stroke that nerve inside of him, to fill him.

Rodney's eyes rolled back in his head at the sudden sensation of hot wetness on the crown of his dick. He looked down and saw the top of John's disheveled hair and his mouth on Rodney's dick.

Rodney's head tipped back, and he opened his mouth to breath more easily. Instinctively, his hand wrapped around the back of John's neck. He tried not to force John's head on his dick, so instead he focused on rubbing and massaging the strained muscles in John's neck.

John swirled his tongue around the head and then relaxed his jaw and took Rodney to the back of his throat. He squeezed the dick in his mouth, careful to protect Rodney from this teeth, and pulled his head back until Rodney's dick popped out. "Don't come," he said. "Tell me if you're close."

Rodney could only nod and take a deep breath. The words sounded muffled and far away, and Rodney would agree to anything to keep John's mouth on his cock. He watched John take a hold of his dick and put his mouth over it again like a lollypop. John's cheeks hollowed as he sucked.

"Okay, okay, I'm close!" Rodney babbled frantically.

John pulled his head away again and sucked lightly as Rodney's dick fell out and bobbed back against his stomach.

John laid his body over Rodney's briefly, as he reached for the extra pillow near Rodney's head. Their dicks touched, and Rodney's balls twitched almost painfully. John slid back down the bed.

Rodney bent his knees and lifted his hips, knowing what the pillow was for. It was placed under his lower back, raising Rodney's hips only a few inches. Rodney was too dazed and numb from the blow job to disapprove of the impending ass fucking.

John leaned across Rodney's body again and rested his weight on Rodney's hips and stomach. "Kiss me."

Frustrated, Rodney nipped at John's lower lip, smacked his lips against John's and then rested his head back on his pillow.

"No," John said.

Rodney searched John's eyes, confused.

That sparkle of wetness welled in John's eyes. "Kiss me like you mean it."

Rodney considered the request. He licked his lips and held John's face with his free hand. He rubbed his nose against John's lightly. He whispered, "What if I don't mean it?"

John's body instantly became rigid. His voice was hoarse and desperate. "Make me believe you do. Please."

Rodney nodded. He kissed John's rough cheek and pressed his lips against his chin, then his top lip, then his bottom. He sealed his lips over both of John's and opened John's mouth with the pressure of his lips as he opened his own mouth.

Slowly, the body above Rodney relaxed against him.

Rodney gently dipped his tongue inside and tasted the subtle mixture of beer and the stickiness of someone who'd been crying. Rodney smoothed his hand across John's face and spread his fingers through his dark hair.

John was breathing faster and he reached his hands underneath Rodney's back to squeeze Rodney's shoulders. Their chests were pressed flushed against one another.

Rodney changed his breathing to exhale when John inhaled. They were breathing the same air.

Fingers dug into Rodney's back, and he pressed his hips up. He moaned at the sensation of skin on skin, dick on dick.

Rodney cupped John's face again and smoothed his thumb over John's bottom lip.

John held Rodney's face with his left hand and deepened the kiss. He used his tongue to explore Rodney's mouth and his hand stroked Rodney's cheek. He rocked his hips up and down, and Rodney groaned into John's mouth. John cupped both sides of Rodney's face and pulled his own face only millimeters away.

Rodney lifted his head to close the distance and gave John a simple kiss before resting his head back down on the bed again.

John swallowed. His eyes seemed heavy somehow, burdened. He continued to pull away and slid down Rodney's body until he was sitting up and straddling Rodney's legs.

Rodney took a deep breath, knowing deep penetration was coming next. A sheen of sweat washed over his body and his toes curled. "John, what is this?" he asked.

John raised an eyebrow.

"Is this hate sex? Pain sex? What?" He needed to know what was happening between them.

John frowned. "It's whatever you want it to be," he replied. He reached for the bottle of lube and opened the lid. "I just want to stop all of these thoughts. All of these second guesses and regrets. I want to feel."

Rodney watched John's hands with anticipation. Being fingered and readied for a fuck never felt good no matter how Rodney tried to relax and enjoy it because it helped to make his assaults easier.

John poured a generous amount of lube into his palm. "Can you understand that?" He tossed the lube to the far end of the bed and rubbed his hands together. He wrapped both hands around Rodney's dick.

Tension built in Rodney's loins and his dick twitched. He did not expect John to touch him that way. He shivered as he remembered that Sheppard had once crooned, "Lube is for your ass, baby."

He took a few hard breaths as John slicked the lube up and down his cock, and then said, "You want to feel. You want to make a connection with another person. I get that." He breathed hard again. His own words reminded him of his time with Samantha. "But you still can't give up your control, can you?" Rodney pulled at the rope on his right wrist to illustrate his point. "You're still a bastard."

John immediately pulled at the rope, and Rodney's wrist came free. John lifted his hips and guided Rodney's dick back, back towards his ass.

Rodney couldn't move; his limbs were frozen. His head fell back to the pillow, and he squeezed the sheet in his fists. He felt John's tight ring of muscle.

John pressed down with unyielding pressure until Rodney slipped inside. John had obviously prepped himself in the bathroom.

Rodney gave out an embarrassing, high pitched groan, and his skin flushed red.

John grunted, and suddenly the tightness encompassed Rodney's whole dick. John was tighter than Katie, tighter than Sam. No wonder John fucked Rodney's ass.

Rodney's vision blurred momentarily, and when it cleared, he looked up at John.

John's face grimaced as if he'd just eaten something that tasted terrible.

Rodney squeezed John's thigh, trying to regain control, trying to comfort John. John's thigh was trembling, and Rodney realized that John was trembling all over.

Rodney smoothed his other hand over John's stomach and chest and saw that his own hand was shaking. The air in his lungs felt heavy and thick.

John rested his hands on Rodney's chest, distributing his weight between Rodney's chest and pelvis. He breathed hard and squeezed his eyes shut.

"You okay?" Rodney asked. "Take your time. Relax if you can." He hoped John would follow his advice for Rodney's own sake.

If anything John got tighter at Rodney's suggestion.

"Shut up."

Rodney sighed and tried to control his breathing. He stroked one hand up John's arm and another up his thigh. He was so close. The only thing that kept Rodney from coming was the look on John's face.

He was sucking gulps of air through his gaping mouth. Then slowly, slowly John's breathing grew calm and his limbs lost some of their rigidity, and John sat upright.

Rodney licked his lips. He reached up to cup John's face, but John was too far away. Instead Rodney stroked down John's neck and chest, and his hand rested on John's ribs as though he had not meant to cup John's face in the first place.

The tight ring of muscle near the base of Rodney's dick twinged and then moved up Rodney's dick as John lifted himself slightly.

Rodney shuddered. He pressed his hand on John's stomach and thigh, trying to get him to move faster. He eyed John's diminished erection.

"Do you want me to . . . Can I touch you, John?" Rodney didn't know why he felt he needed to ask at first, but it was unnatural, somehow, that he would see John Sheppard without a raging hard-on, and their usually one-sided power dynamic meant it didn't feel natural to him to touch John back.

"Just . . . hang on." John's tone made it evident to Rodney that he was trying to regain his composure.

"It makes it easier," Rodney persisted. He hated to admit to himself or to Sheppard that he knew from experience that when he was aroused, it was also easier to take Sheppard inside of him.

"Okay, okay," John muttered. " Go ahead." John gasped as he straightened his back and spread his palms out on Rodney's stomach.

Rodney converged both of his hands on John's dick. He would have slicked his hands with lube, but the bottle was too far away, and he wasn't going to push John away for anything. One hand encompassed John's dick, and the other cupped his sac.

John's skin was so smooth, like silk, and his pubic hair coarse.

Rodney tried to be both gentle and as stimulating as he could be without lube.

John's sphincter pulsed around Rodney's dick with every one of Rodney's down strokes, and John rocked his hips slightly to the rhythm Rodney set.

Rodney's eyes fluttered at the exquisite sensations, but he continued to keep his gaze locked on John's face.

Suddenly, John's dark face went from tight and focused to contorted as he sobbed.

Rodney instantly moved his hands away from John's genitals and squeezed his arms. "Shh. Shh-shh. Don't - don't . . ."

John clenched his ass incredibly tight around Rodney's dick.

Rodney's grasp on John's arms slackened as he felt the sudden burning in his loins, and he could do nothing to stop the chain reaction in his body, and he came quickly inside of John.

John remained rigid, and still, but continued to squeeze his inner muscles all the way through Rodney's orgasm.

With the strong sense of pleasure he felt running through his body, Rodney could no longer watch John's expression and he closed his eyes. He mouthed the words, "I'm sorry," but made no sound.

John's body wracked with more sobs. "I can't," he groaned. "I can't do this anymore."

John clenched his ass incredibly tight around Rodney's dick.

Rodney's grasp on John's arms slackened as he felt the sudden burning in his loins, and he could do nothing to stop the chain reaction in his body, and he came quickly inside of John.

John remained rigid and still above him, but continued to squeeze his inner muscles all the way through Rodney's orgasm.

With the strong sense of pleasure he felt running through his body, Rodney could no longer watch John's expression and he closed his eyes.  He mouthed the words, "I'm sorry," but made no sound.

John's body wracked with more sobs.  "I can't," he groaned.  "I can't do this anymore."

When his body finished jerking, Rodney opened his eyes and inhaled a shuddering breath. Looking up at John's face, Rodney again clutched both of John's arms.

John's body sagged, and Rodney helped him slide to the bed. "I'm so sorry, Rodney," he gasped,  "I – I can't keep hurting people.  Hurting you."

As his dick slipped out of John, Rodney winced at the painful sensation; John's hole was still tight, and Rodney's dick was now overly sensitive.  Rodney moved John to lie on his back in the bed and then he arranged himself to lie close beside John.

John covered his face with his hands and quietly continued to gasp convulsively.

"Fuck," Rodney muttered to himself, "we shouldn't have done this." He raised his voice so that John would hear him.  "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't realize." 

Rodney felt incredibly awkward.  The normal satisfied hum his body always felt after John made him come was now just an annoyance.

John shook his head.  His hands muffled his face as he said, "No, no . . ."  He took in a shuddering breath before continuing, "It's not you . . ."

Rodney still held John's closest arm, his thumb rubbing absently at the soft, warm skin, and watching as John's chest rose and fell irregularly.  The usually domineering Air Force officer looked just like Rodney's children did when they were crying and lost.  Rodney moved a hand to clasp John's shoulder while the other cradled the back of John's neck. Rodney was at a loss for how to comfort him; he was at a loss to know if he really even wanted to.

Rodney could hear John speaking quietly to himself.

"I wish I could die.  Why won't they let me die?" John might have said more, but Rodney could not discern the muted words.

As he rubbed at John's skin in an attempt to soothe him, Rodney pondered what he had managed to hear.

What if John did die?  What would happen to Rodney?  None of the other officers at the SGC had shown any interest in him, or his work, so maybe, if he kept his head down and didn't draw attention to himself, he would be left alone to continue his work in the lab without interference.  Carter might be just what John had said, or she might not, but she might also be an ally for Rodney in the twisted hierarchy of the SGC and, without John, Rodney might be free just like Zelenka and Beckett.  Okay so their lives weren't great and they were still treated with contempt by the military but the two men were essentially left to themselves to continue with their research. If Rodney could achieve the same then he'd never be raped again; never have sex with a man.  He could go back to his kids and Katie.

Not three hours ago, going back to Katie would have been exactly what Rodney wanted, but now the idea of resuming a life with Kate left a bitter taste in Rodney's mouth.  Even the thought of her, and how she'd hurt him, made him angry.

The sudden, strong bitterness he felt when thinking about Katie made Rodney take a deep breath to try and calm himself. "Who won't let you die?" he asked, more to distract himself from his own thoughts than because he thought he'd get an answer.

John took a few calming breaths and removed his hands from his face.  "Who do you think?' he said quietly, avoiding Rodney's gaze. "And, when they find out I've become a basket case . . ."

Rodney recalled Zelenka and Beckett's explanation of how an alien sarcophagus device was the reason for both the SGC officers' immortality and their sadistic behavior. He remembered Beckett's explanation of how John Sheppard had changed to become more cruel and heartless more with each successive use of the device.  If that was the case, then who was the man lying beside Rodney now?

"I'm so sorry," John said quietly.  "I've ruined your marriage and I've done things to you . . . there aren't words to describe." As he spoke John's eyes clenched shut in disgust.

Rodney watched John grimace, as if the memory of what he had done to Rodney caused actual pain, and he felt confused. Nothing that had happened between them this evening, or even in the last day, had been anything like the torture he was used to suffering with Sheppard.

Was John's behavior showing the the natural progression of the effects on a sarcophagus user?  Was John going through withdrawal?  Rodney felt not altogether displeased by the thought of John was suffering for a change. After all that he'd done to Rodney, Sheppard damned well deserved to be miserable.

John dug the heel of his palms into his eyes and groaned.

Rodney really did feel angry for what Sheppard had done to him all those times since he'd given Rodney a choice of starving or becoming his toy, but it was harder for Rodney to hold onto the anger he felt for Sheppard when he was with John.

"Did it hurt?" Rodney asked hesitantly.  "When we were, um . . ." He tasted blood as he chewed at the bite-mark on his inner lip.

"I don't know," John replied woodenly, and Rodney felt frustration at John's typical evasive behavior.

Of course John knew if Rodney had hurt him during intercourse or not, but he didn't seem to want to admit anything now.  John sighed and opened his eyes again and stared up at the ceiling, looking now as though he had regained his usual self-control.

Sharing time's over, Rodney thought.  Clearing his throat he announced, "I'm going to take a shower," he said and tentatively removed his hands from John's body to swing his feet over the side of the bed.  Sitting up he took another look around John's bedroom.

The candles that had littered the floor, and had made Rodney so paranoid about the danger of a fire the last time he had been here with Sheppard, were now lying in a waste basket in the corner by the bathroom door. A half dozen beer bottles that hadn't quite made their way to the basket but were scattered on the floor around it.

Without looking back at John Rodney stood and padded his way to the bathroom.  He noticed a few used towels laying wadded and still damp on the floor, but one dry towel still hung on the heated rack on the wall.

He closed the shower stall door behind him and turned the knob; hot water sprayed from all the walls and ceiling.  Rodney could not imagine a more relaxing shower than Sheppard's high-tech and, no doubt, expensive setup.  He closed his eyes and dipped his head under the hot spray of water. Right now he couldn't care less if Sheppard was having some sort of psychotic episode, or breakdown, or whatever.  The water felt hot and relaxing and he listened to the soothing sounds of the water falling on his skin and the tiles.

Rodney needed time to process everything that had happened to him today.  He'd been running on nerves and stress since Sheppard had turned up during the family outing to the zoo. Rodney hadn't had time to think logically about any of his actions since then - he'd been acting on his emotions rather than his intelligence - and now he wasn't sure exactly how he felt about where he'd ended up tonight. 

Or about how he'd ended up fucking John.

Lost in his thoughts, Rodney was startled when he felt cool hands rest on his shoulders. He started at the unexpected touch and then turned to face John.

John's eyes were cast down at the floor, but he kept hold of Rodney's arms.  "I . . ." John began and seemed to want to fill the silence, but said no more. He looked lost, standing there naked and defenseless in his own bathroom.

The sight stirred some unidentifiable feelings within Rodney. He cupped John's cheek and brought his head up.  He smoothed a thumb over John's down-turned lips, and for no reason that Rodney could explain to himself, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against John's, pushing John's chin up and deepening the kiss as John opened his mouth.  Rodney wrapped both arms around John to bring the taller man closer.

With his body flush against John's, Rodney could feel the other man's cool skin and the hitching breaths in his chest.

Rodney's kisses were returned tentatively as John allowed Rodney to take charge and do most of the work. Rodney eagerly stroked John's tongue with his own, took John's face in a firm grasp and carded his fingers through John's now wet hair.  John whimpered at the increase in sensation and, in the back of his mind, Rodney wondered, Why?  Why am I kissing the man I hate so much? 

Rodney broke away and stared at John.

John stood there, looking fixedly at Rodney and breathing heavily, but he did not lean forward to continue the kiss.

Rodney watched the water stream down John's face.  He was sure that the water masked John's tears.  "I hate you," Rodney said softly. He had said those same words to Sheppard so many times before, but this time they sounded different to him.  He sounded weak, defeated.

John looked up at the ceiling for a moment before nodding.  "I hate me too," he said in a low voice and tipped his head forward and rested his forehead on Rodney's,  "but, there's something about you, Rodney; something that kept me from really hurting you the way I hurt the others." John brought his hands up to clasp the back of Rodney's head, his thumbs skimming Rodney's cheeks. "I . . . I lo-"

"Don't," Rodney interrupted.  He pulled his head back and glared at John.  "Don't you dare!" he said hoarsely. "Don't you ever say those words to me. Not after what you've done." Rodney tried to free himself from John's hold as he continued angrily,  "I could never love a man, let alone a man like you."

John took a firm hold on Rodney's upper arms, a pained expression on his face as he looked at Rodney pleadingly.

Rodney reciprocated and squeezed John's shoulders, so tightly it had to be painful.  "You play all these fucking mind games with me," he said fiercely.  "I even thought we'd really made love once.  I put my feelings on the line for you, but you humiliated me the very next morning." Rodney's rant gained momentum, and he became more aggressive as he went on.  "Today, you scared my wife and kids so much at the zoo that Katie is locking me out of the house that I earned for my family by sleeping with you." Rodney let go of his hold on John's body and tried to step back. "I'm done with this!"

John grabbed Rodney's arms and shook him.  "That's not me," he said emphatically.  "I – "

Rodney put all the anger he felt into his voice as he spoke. "Oh, so it wasn't you at the zoo when you grabbed my ass in front of my son, but now, a few hours later, you turn into Saint John?  Please!  Show me your fairy godmother and maybe then I'll –"

John interrupted. "I'm sorry, it's – it's hard to explain.  That man, that sick version of me, comes and goes.  It's like he's my Mr. Hyde or something." John let go of Rodney and put his hands on the side of his head, fingers digging into his scalp in frustration. "Lately he's coming less and less.  When - " John flashed his eyes to the wall for a moment before obviously forcing himself to look back at Rodney.  "When I die, and they bring me back, I'm always worse than the time before; he has more control every time. I'm trapped inside of my own head and I have to watch what he does to people . . . to you.  And it's so fucking confusing!  Sometimes his thoughts are mine and mine are his . . . and . . . and . . ."

Rodney felt a little shocked by the honesty and emotion in John's outburst; John actually looked as scared and angry as Rodney felt.  John was so deep inside his own misery that for once Rodney could easily read pain and confusion in his eyes. The sight of John Sheppard losing control fascinated Rodney; he had never seen John so emotional before. If he was honest, it thrilled him a little too, and Rodney decided that he liked the idea of being the one that John needed.

"I can't stop it," John said, "and I can't predict when he's going to appear next, but, Jesus, Rodney, the bastard toys with me just as much as he toys with you."

Rodney snorted in derision at John's explanation. "There isn't a damned redeeming thing about you, so don't try playing your sad song to me."  Anger coiled in the pit of Rodney's stomach at the memories of past indignities that John's explanation had reawakened; he had never hated John Sheppard more than right at that moment.  He pulled John forward and crushed their lips together.

John was rigid and unresponsive, but Rodney pressed against him nonetheless.  He smoothed his hands across John's shoulders and down his chest.

John pushed Rodney away.  "You need to stay away from me," he said, his voice raw and pained.  "I'll only hurt you, and you know that."

Not having to do what Sheppard told him felt good to Rodney, and it felt liberating to be making decisions for himself. He looked at John and let his gaze drop down to his well-toned body.  Canyons and divots formed where the water cascaded down, down to John's half-hard dick.  The sight made Rodney's stomach flutter strangely.  He lowered himself and kneeled on the tile floor.

John stepped away and his back hit the wall.  "Stop it, get off the floor, Rodney," he pleaded.

John could not escape Rodney's reach, and Rodney grasped John's thighs.  John's face was set in a worried frown as Rodney looked up at him.  Rodney ignored the pain of the tile on his knees and turned his gaze to John's dick.

Without a single touch from Rodney, it was already fully hard and almost flush against John's stomach.

Rodney licked his lips in anticipation.

John hooked his hand under Rodney's armpits and tried to pull him up.  "Damn it, Rodney, don't . . ." John began, before breaking off to rasp, "Shit, shit, shit!" as Rodney's lips encompassed the tip of his dick and Rodney's hand guided John deeper inside of his mouth. 

Rodney pulled back and licked under the crown and fluttering the tip of his tongue to the hole in the center.  Rodney's hands grasped John's thighs tightly and felt the muscles and tendons in John's legs trembling.

John's protest was weakened by the sensations Rodney's mouth caused, and his hands went from trying to pull Rodney upright to resting on Rodney's shoulders, steadying himself.  "Rodney, you don't know what you're doing," he moaned quietly.  "You shouldn't – ahhh."  John hissed, his hand grabbed a fistful of Rodney's hair.

Rodney sucked harder, sucking John's dick to the back of his throat and then pulling it out almost all of the way.  He let John's hips thrust forward but did not allow John's dick further entrance unless it was on his terms.

John shuddered above him.  "N-no.  Please, not like this."  Clutching Rodney, John levered himself out of Rodney's mouth.  "Rodney, please . . ." he begged softly.

Rodney licked his lips and looked back up at John.  He swallowed, deliberately; making sure John could see him do it.

John gazed at Rodney, imploring him to change his mind. Rodney had decided that wasn't going to happen and he stared back fixedly.  "If you want me, you can have me," John said quietly.  "Just not like this.  Not . . . dirty.  I hate seeing you on your knees."

Rodney allowed himself to be helped up by John, who then pulled him into a tight hug, his dick poking at Rodney's stomach.

"When you thought we were making love, that was me," John murmured in Rodney's ear. "I only ever wanted to make you feel good."  He took in a shuddering breath and turned until his back was against Rodney's stomach.  He reached back and grabbed one of Rodney's hands.  "I'd like it if you touched me like this," John said, taking Rodney's hand and wrapping it around his dick.

A bar of soap was placed in Rodney's other hand and he slicked his hands with it, then dropped it to thud onto the tile floor; his hands converging once again on John's dick and caressing the hard length.

John leaned his head back and rested it on Rodney's shoulder, grasping at the arms that hugged him.

Rodney could hear John's puffs of breath on his neck over the spray of the multiple shower heads.  His hands worked on John as his arms expanded around John's chest with each of John's breaths. 

He watched John's mouth. It was open and round, like a fish gulping for air. 

John's lips were pink from the hot water spraying down on them both, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip as Rodney increased the speed of his strokes.

Rodney smothered John's breaths as he kissed him.

John's hand reached up and wrapped his large hand around the back of Rodney's head, deepening the kiss.

Rodney felt the telltale tensing in John's body and the twitch in his balls.

John pulled back from the kiss and took a shuddering breath.

Rodney inhaled those breaths, that scent that was all John.  He held John in his arms and stroked vigorously on John's dick.

"Ah, mmm, Rodney . . ." John moaned as Rodney tightened his grip and increased his strokes. John's head lolled on Rodney's shoulder, he was clearly lost in the sensations caused by Rodney's hand.  "I love you!" he cried out as he came, shuddering and twitching in Rodney's arms.  His chest rose and fell quickly.  It took him a few moments to come back to himself and his body tensed again, this time for a different reason. "I'm sorry.  I shouldn't – I – it just came out."

Rodney let John's softening dick, slick from the soap, slip out of his hands and he gently squeezed the place where John's thighs met his groin.

John blinked.  He head still rested on Rodney's shoulder.  "Are you mad?" he asked, sounding hesitant.

Rodney swallowed.  I love you? John had said, "I love you."  His heart thudded hard against his ribs in shock. He didn't know how to react, he just knew he needed to get out of there.  "I'm tired," he said brusquely, "I'm going to bed."  Rodney stepped backwards and pushed at John's shoulders until John stood on his own again. John didn't look at him or try to speak as Rodney stepped out of the shower, grabbed the last clean towel, and began to rub himself dry with it.  As he patted his face Rodney couldn't help but think about what John had said.

John loved him.

Rodney hated the man and everything he had ever done to him, but remembering what John had said and the emotions on his face made Rodney's chest feel heavy.  His vision blurred with sudden moisture in his eyes.  He wiped it away with his towel. "I'm gonna... I'm going to put some clothes on," he said.  "I – I'll be right back."  He set his towel on the counter and walked quietly back to the living room.  He had to keep wiping at the tears welling in his eyes. 

Rodney found his underwear on the living room floor near the thick, pine support beam in the middle of the living room and put them on.  He turned his head as he heard John exiting his bedroom and saw that he was carrying a large bundle of blankets and a pillow.

Rodney's brow furrowed in confusion. "What are you . . ." he began but before he could complete his thought, John dumped the blankets on the couch, walked back to his room, without once meeting Rodney's gaze, and slammed the bedroom door closed.

Rodney's temperature rose.  "Hey!" he shouted as he stomped to the door and banged on it with his fist.  "What the fuck, Sheppard?"  Rodney received no answer, so he tried again.  "Open the door!  Hey!" he shouted.  John's lack of response made Rodney growl and clench his fists.  "So we just keep playing games, is that it?" he yelled. "Well, fuck you, Sheppard!"

He had fallen for Sheppard's mind games a second time.  Faced with John's current behavior, Rodney was convinced that all those things John had said could not have been real.  They had been as hollow as Rodney felt right now.  That bastard! He had taken advantage of Rodney's vulnerability after Katie had thrown him out of their home.

"John Sheppard, never misses an opportunity to fuck with my head as well as my body," Rodney muttered as he stepped back from the bedroom door, giving it one last thump in frustration and growling in frustration.

Rodney wiped at the last - and final tears - that he would shed for John Sheppard and tried to begin calming his rage.  He turned and looked at the blankets on the couch.

So, Sheppard had managed to convince him they were making love and now Rodney was thrown out of the bedroom to sleep on the couch.  Well, sleeping on the couch was originally what Rodney had intended when he had decided to come to the cabin.
 
Rodney sighed and arranged the blankets and pillow into an impromptu bed.  He felt bone-tired and drained, both physically and emotionally, so he was sure he could manage to sleep on Sheppard's couch but one thing he could be certain of now was that his back would be in severe pain in the morning.

He trudged across the room to turn off the overhead light, then laid down, and closed his eyes.  The pillow smelled like after shave, beer, and John.  He ground his teeth and crossed his arms.

If John wanted to pretend to be some kind of fallen angel, a prisoner trapped in the body of a sadistic, evil bastard, that was fine. Rodney knew the rules of the game now and all he needed to do was keep Sheppard entertained. If Rodney gave Sheppard what he wanted, then his kids and wife could live the normal life he had sold himself into slavery to give them. 

Darkness enveloped Rodney's mind and he fell into a fitful sleep.

---

He was woken when he heard a woman screaming, "No, no please!"

Katie?! Rodney thought with a start.

The lamp near the couch was still on, and Rodney tried to remember where he was.

Sheppard, John, the cabin, sex . . .

The woman screamed again.  It sounded like she was in Sheppard's room.

Rodney kicked off his blankets and stumbled to the bedroom door.  The woman yelled again, but Rodney could not understand what she was saying.  She was most definitely not speaking English.  He pounded on the door with a tight fist.

"Sheppard?  Sheppard!" There was no answer so Rodney tested the doorknob; it was locked and refused to turn.  He tried kicking, and then shoving at the door with his shoulder, but it was made of sturdy wood and it didn't even move in the door frame.  He had to try and do something to help her so he yelled again. "Damn it, Sheppard, leave her alone!  You hear me? Leave her alone!" 

Rodney had no way of knowing if Sheppard had listened to him, but the screaming subsided and finally stopped.

When had Sheppard brought a girl into the cabin?  Was she already here when Rodney had arrived earlier?  Was Sheppard keeping people locked away in a secret room in his house?  Jesus, Sheppard was a sick bastard, much worse than Rodney could have ever imagined.

Surely some opportunity to help the woman would present itself, but even if he could get inside Sheppard's bedroom, could he take on the stronger man to help the woman escape?  No, Rodney was certainly no match for the combat trained pilot, so he would have to improvise something when Sheppard came out of the room. With no way of helping the now silent woman, Rodney resigned himself to laying on the couch and watching the bedroom door. 

After an hour of staring determinedly at the door to Sheppard's room Rodney's eyes blinked.  His eyelids stayed closed a little longer the next time he blinked.  They refused to open the last time he tried to blink.

---

A clinking, clattering noise woke Rodney.  His eyelids fluttered open, and his eyes searched out the source of the noise.

The refrigerator light framed the silhouette of John Sheppard in the kitchen as he filled his arms with bottles.

Rodney rubbed at his eyes and looked towards the bedroom; the door lay wide open so he got up and walked over to see if he could help Sheppard's victim.

The television lit the room in a flickering gray hue.  As far as Rodney could see, the bedroom was empty.  Maybe the woman was in the bathroom; maybe Sheppard was letting her tend to whatever he had done to hurt her.

Rodney marched into the kitchen, determined to do something to help this fellow victim of Colonel Sheppard. "Sheppard, who is she?"  Rodney did not need to ask what Sheppard was doing to her, after the last number of months as Sheppard's toy, he could well imagine.

Sheppard ignored Rodney. He took his time closing the fridge door and setting his bottles on the kitchen counter.

"Answer me, dammit," Rodney shouted. "Who the hell is she?" 

There was a hiss and a clink as Sheppard opened a bottle. He took a long swallow of beer.  "She was your predecessor," he said dryly before picking up the bottles, walking to his room, and slamming the door closed again.

Rodney took a deep breath. If she was his predecessor then that must have meant that there was no woman in Sheppard's room. It meant Sheppard was watching his videotapes again.

Rodney flinched at the thought of how he had felt when he'd been with this bastard earlier that evening. Falling for Sheppard's earlier act of appearing to be so in need of Rodney's sympathy and help, and then, a few hours later, witnessing this supposedly sorrowful and broken man wanting to watch himself torture some poor woman made Rodney grind his teeth in anger. 

But what could he do? Carson had told Rodney what Sheppard had done to the toys he'd had before Rodney, and now here was the evidence of it. After the confusing events of the day before, this stark reminder of what Sheppard was capable of was a cold, sharp shock to Rodney's clouded mind. To be reminded of what had happened to the people Sheppard had chosen as playmates before him was just what Rodney needed to help him see Sheppard's true nature again.

Acid burned at the back of Rodney's throat as he glared at Sheppard's door.

Rodney was struggling for breath, running; his heart was racing, he had to get away from . . .

He slowly opened his eyes to find sunlight shining through the living room windows, bathing the incongruously homely living room in bright golden light.  As he emerged from his dream state, he tried to remember what he had been running from.

John? Sheppard?

Shit, where was Sheppard?

Rodney stretched and rolled onto his back. Instantly his spine cracked and popped, and he moaned at the sharp flare of pain. As the fog of last nights events lifted, he could remember that he had spent the night on Sheppard's couch after . . .

God, they'd had sex – more than once.  Rodney's morning wood twitched with interest at the memory, but his stomach twisted in a regretful knot. Pulling his thoughts back to the present he took a deep breath and sat up.

He was hungry and he really had to pee.

He looked to his watch.  07:10.  They both needed to be at the mountain in two hours.

Stretching one last time he gazed around the room and noted where the rest of his clothes lay; the knot twisted again in his stomach as he remembered how each article of clothing had been removed. Flashes of the eagerness he had felt for John came to mind, and he quickly to dismiss them.  He swallowed, picked up the clothes lying around the living room and dressed quickly.  As he put on his pants he discovered the bottle of anxiety pills in his pocket and popped one under his tongue.

Sheppard would have to drive him to work, and Rodney did not relish the idea of riding in the Jeep with the bastard who had manipulated him yet again.

Sighing at the realization that he had no other alternative than to lie in the literal and metaphorical bed that he'd made for himself, Rodney knocked none too lightly on Sheppard's bedroom door.  "Wakey, wakey, sunshine," he yelled through the door in a mocking tone.  He heard no sound of movement, so he tested the doorknob.

It turned, and the door opened.  The blinds in Sheppard's bedroom were drawn and the same gray light from the television illuminated the dark room.  Sheppard was naked and lying on his belly, sprawled out over the bed sheets with his face turned away from Rodney.

Rodney's stomach roiled when he saw the condition of the room and of the man he'd fucked the night before. Clenching his jaw, he flicked a light switch and the overhead light revealed a dozen more empty beer bottles scattered on the floor and bed. There was no movement from Sheppard, despite the brightness of the light.

"John?" Rodney called.  No reply.  He stepped closer to the side of the bed and tried again. "John?" Still nothing. Rodney raised his voice. "John?  Hey!"  But Sheppard continued to lie there like a corpse. For an instant, Rodney feared that John had actually managed to drink himself to death, but John taking a slow, shallow breath ruled out that possibility. 

"Hey, wake up!" Rodney yelled and nudged Sheppard's shoulder. There was no response. "Damn it, Sheppard, we've got to get to work," he said angrily.  He leaned over the bed and shook the man.

When Rodney touched him, Sheppard's skin felt warm and oily, and the whole room smelled like his sweat and beer.

Rodney gave up shaking the unresponsive man and looked around the room, giving serious thought to looking for something sharp to jab into Sheppard to wake him up.  As he looked in the direction of the TV he saw the frozen image on the screen. It showed a small, naked Oriental woman tied to the same bed Sheppard was lying passed out on.

There were cuts, bruises, and round bite marks on her body and her hands and feet were restrained to the bedposts with black straps tied around her wrists and ankles. The image frozen on the screen showed her crying out, her white teeth revealed as she grimaced in pain.

Rodney quickly looked away; he was ashamed of himself for feeling relieved that a woman hadn't actually been tortured and abused during the night while he slept in the next room.  She must have been one of Sheppard's "toys" that Carson had told him had been committed to a mental health facility.

The strong mix of negative emotions swept through Rodney. His voice was low and angry as he said, "You fucking bastard," and slammed a fist into Sheppard's shoulder.

Sheppard groaned but didn't open his eyes.

"You were lying in here jacking off to old sex tapes last night?" Rodney yelled as he shoved at Sheppard's body again.

Sheppard finally stirred and rolled onto his back.

Rodney refused to look down at Sheppard's naked body, but he felt his dick twitch in his pants despite himself.  He made himself look at the TV screen again. "This shit you're watching is sick, Sheppard. You're more disgusting that I ever imagined.  You're a sad, pathetic fucker."

Sheppard winced at the sound of Rodney's voice and covered his eyes with his hands to protect them from the intensity of the ceiling light.

Rodney continued, "You smell like shit.  Get out of bed and brush your teeth.  I need you to drive me to work and I don't want to smell your stink the whole way there."  Angry but unable to vent his frustrations, Rodney turned on his heels and left the room.

His stomach gurgled again with hunger. He needed to do something while he waited for Sheppard to shower. He headed for the kitchen and pulled open the cabinets with more force than necessary.  After a brief inspection of Sheppard's kitchen, Rodney found oatmeal, granola, and Captain Crunch, the peanut butter kind.

There was also a canister of Folgers coffee and packets of Ramen noodles, but otherwise, the shelves were empty.  The refrigerator contained one lonely beer, some boxes of delivery pizza, and milk two days past the expiration date printed at the top of the carton.

Rodney opened the milk and took a hesitant sniff.  He was hungry enough that it smelled all right for his breakfast, and besides he had eaten worse before coming to Colorado. It wouldn't kill him to do it again now. He hunted out some reasonably clean breakfast bowls and as he instinctively put his hand into the cupboard to take out a second bowl for Sheppard, he caught his breath.

No, he shouldn't, he wouldn't. 

After what he had put Rodney through this last two days, Rodney could not have felt less like caring for Sheppard's needs. He braced his hands on the kitchen counter and hung his head in frustration.

Damn it. If he made Sheppard's breakfast, they would be able to leave for work sooner.

He reached back into the cupboard and set two bowls on the table. He pursed his lips in disgust at himself as he prepared Sheppard's breakfast at the same time as he made his own.  He filled the coffee maker and listened to the hypnotic bubbling of the percolation.

He listened to the pipes in the house fill and drain with water. He knew that Sheppard was finally out of bed and making himself ready for the day.  Good, at least the man wouldn't stink.

Unable to sit still Rodney continued to rummage through the cabinets and drawers.  He discovered that Sheppard didn't even have proper cooking utensils. The man was a millionaire at least two times over and he lived without the most basic of kitchen tools. Rodney's old apartment had the tools of a gourmet kitchen by comparison. 

In a cabinet close to the sink Rodney found a bottle of unexpired vitamins, some aspirin, a bubble strip of caffeine pills, a bottle of Tylenol, and half a packet of sore throat lozenges.

He shook his head at the absurdity of even caring that Sheppard might have a headache from his binge drinking last night. He slammed the small bottle of aspirin onto the table next to Sheppard's bowl of granola and stared at the bedroom door, willing Sheppard to appear, so that he could get this over with and then relax into his customary state of anger and hatred.

On cue Sheppard appeared in the bedroom door with his head down.  He glanced up at Rodney and sighed.  Pressing his palms on the doorframe, he propelled himself away from the door and walked across the living room toward the kitchen.

Rodney had been unable to look at him. He dropped his eyes and now he stared intently at his cereal as Sheppard approached.  Sheppard walked right past him, not even acknowledging his presence, and the hatred, that Rodney had hoped would coil in his stomach to make this easier, did not come as Sheppard's scent filled his nose and his shirt brushed against Rodney's back.

Rodney was momentarily confused by his own reaction to Sheppard until he realized that it had to be the meds.  Of course, everything was easier now that he had taken his calming medication.  That was why he couldn't hate John right now.

The glass of the coffee pot clanked against a ceramic mug.  "Thanks for this," Sheppard mumbled as he poured.  He sipped at the hot liquid before sitting down, across from Rodney at the small table.  He glanced down at his bowl of cereal and then up at Rodney.

Rodney immediately looked down at the table again; he picked up his spoon and jabbed at his cereal, moving it around in the milk rather than eat it.

John smirked.  He picked up the bottle of aspirin. "You know,'"he said, grimacing, "I never need this after I use that alien thing. For a while I can't feel pain, or anything else, after they bring me back.  But then again I never try to drink myself to death after they make me use it." He snorted derisively before continuing.  "I'm too valuable to be allowed to die, they say." He ducked his head and ran a restless hand through his hair.  "It's addictive too, that feeling of being invincible and righteous."

Rodney dropped his spoon and it clanked against his bowl.  "Why?" he said, folding his arms and glaring at John as he waited for a response.

John tapped his fingers against his mug for a few moments before answering.  "You mean last night?  After we . . ."

Rodney shifted in his seat, uncomfortable at the memory of how he felt during last night's sex.  "Yeah," he confirmed reluctantly.

John hesitated before answering. "Guilt," he said. "I haven't felt that . . . good . . . that happy – really happy for a long time.  Not since before I came to the SGC."  He looked up and caught Rodney's eyes.  "I – I couldn't handle it.  I don't deserve to feel happy," John pulled a hand across his face, rubbing at his cheek, "just like you don't deserve to have me ruining your life.  What I said last night about lo-"

"Don't!" Rodney barked.  "I told you not to say that to me."

John looked away and nodded.  "What I said . . . you should never have heard me say that.  It's selfish of me to think that . . . we . . . that you and I could ever . . ."

Rodney stood abruptly, pushing his chair away.  "We need to get out of here. We're going to be late for work."

Sheppard winced and brought his hand to his eyes.  "Right, sure," he drawled unconvincingly.  Grabbing the bottle of aspirin, he poured a small handful of pills into his palm, then tossed them into his mouth and washed them down with his coffee.

They would be an hour early to work, but right now Rodney couldn't be alone with John Sheppard.  He didn't trust himself, not after what had happened last night, and he couldn't take the chance of pissing Sheppard off; the man's behavior was too unpredictable at the moment.  He walked around the table and turned off the coffee machine.  "Come on.  Get up," he said.  Rodney reached around John's shoulder and, careful not to touch him, removed the cereal bowls.  They clunked as he dropped them into the sink.

Sheppard pushed his hands against the table and stood.  His uncharacteristic passivity and silence seemed to indicate that he was either too hungover to punish Rodney for his hostility toward him, or that he was actually content with the idea of Rodney asserting some measure of control for a while.

Rodney walked out of the kitchen to search the living room for the duffle bag he had brought with him the night before. He found it behind the couch and tossed it over his shoulder.  He turned and saw that Sheppard had already walked out through the front door.  Rodney ground his teeth and followed.

He found Sheppard leaning against the side of the jeep, arms folded across his chest.

"You're driving," Sheppard announced in a clipped tone.

Rodney closed the front door and stood still in confusion.  "Wait, what?"

Sheppard opened the passenger door and looked over his shoulder at Rodney.  "You're driving."

Rodney started toward the Jeep.  He laughed nervously. "No, no, no," he said dismissively. "I haven't driven anything since I was sixteen and I've never driven something like this."

Sheppard sat down in the passenger seat, laying his head back on the headrest and closing his eyes.  "Relax, it's an automatic," he said and slammed the door shut.

Rodney swallowed.  Fine.  He could drive.  Yeah, he'd be fine.  It was just like riding a bike, wasn't it?  He took small, reluctant steps toward the driver's side of the Jeep, all the while trying to convince himself he would be fine driving when, due to the lack of money for a vehicle as well as the law prohibiting foreigners from driving in the United States, he hadn't been behind a wheel in decades.  He threw his duffle bag in the back of the Jeep, sat himself cautiously in the driver's seat and adjusted it slightly forward. He took a moment to try and familiarize himself with the indicators on the dashboard and the controls on the column of the steering wheel. He fumbled with the rear view mirror and when he heard Sheppard huffing a laugh at his prevarication his temper flared.  With his foot on the brake, he turned the key in the ignition to start the engine.  Easy as pie. he told himself, trying to ignore the sweat breaking out on his upper lip.  He put his hand on the gearshift and glanced at Sheppard.

Sheppard was staring at the aspen trees outside the window.  Ignoring Rodney's near-paniced state, he pulled a pair of sunglasses out of the glove box, put them on, and reclined his seat.

Clenching his jaw again, Rodney slowly raised his foot from the brake.  On his way down to the main road he narrowly missed Sheppard's mailbox, but Sheppard never even flinched.

Twenty minutes later Rodney pulled into Sheppard's VIP space the parking lot just outside the mountain entrance.  His hands felt cramped from gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Even though it was still early morning, the sun shone brightly from the eastern plains, and a hawk circled above them as they walked to the security checkpoint.

This was just like every other morning when Rodney went to work.  Rodney hated Sheppard, and Sheppard . . . Sheppard loved Rodney.

---

Rodney's stomach fluttered as he walked through the entrance to the base; after all these months he still felt nervous coming here, he still had that last minute panicky feeling that he should run away as fast as he could.  Walking in silence under the unnatural florescent lighting of the wide tunnel leading to the elevator made Rodney feel even more alone with Sheppard despite the MPs stationed at various points along the route.  He could hear Sheppard breathing, feel the heat radiating off his body, and imagine the sound of the man's heartbeat.

No, no, no.  Rodney just needed to stop thinking.  If Sheppard's feelings for Rodney were genuine it was irrelevant because Rodney still had to work in this psycho ward of an Air Force base and he still had a wife and kids to think of, even if Katie had shown herself to be more heartless than he could have imagined.  He swallowed as he entered the confined space of the elevator with Sheppard.  He started to speak, "I, ah – "

"I'm – " Sheppard said at the same time before pausing to say, "Go ahead."

"No, you first," Rodney insisted.

Sheppard was silent for a few moments before he spoke in a controlled monotone. "You should stay here on base until things are good at home again," he said.  "I'll assign a guard to make sure no-one bothers you and I promise that once I get off this elevator, you can go on with your work and you won't see me for as long as they let me stay this way."  Sheppard stared ahead, refusing to meet Rodney's gaze, as he continued.  "What were you going to say?"

Rodney actually didn't know what he had been going to say, he had just wanted to alleviate the tension by speaking; he had been uncomfortable with the silence.  "Nothing," he replied.

"You should take off after lunch tomorrow and go to the DMV to get your driver's license test," Sheppard said.  The door opened and he stepped out of the elevator. "I'll have someone get the paperwork ready for you."

This uncharacteristically considerate behavior from Sheppard was confusing Rodney again and, as the man began to walk away, Rodney's voice caught in his throat. What should he say in response? Goodbye? Rot in hell? I think I'm feeling something for you but I don't know what it is?

The elevator doors closed before Rodney could formulate any thoughts let alone formulate the words to go with them. He stood still for several seconds before he pushed the button for the science level. He leaned against the wall and slammed his head back against the hard steel.

Lost in thought Rodney made his way to the science labs by automatically following the green line painted on the floor.

He halted suddenly. Jesus, he still had to give Sheppard the correct equations for his multiple wormhole theory and possibly endanger countless aliens in the galaxy as a result. It felt like months rather than only days since Sheppard had warned him that he was on to Rodney's attempt to hide the real data. What would Sam think when she saw the correct equations posted on the network?

Sam.  Oh, god, what about Sam? 

Sheppard had warned him that Sam, who saw Rodney as a rival, but Rodney felt he knew her better, and his opinion of her wasn't twisted by the mind-altering effects of alien resurrection tech like Sheppard's was.  Certainly she would understand Rodney's reason for changing the information on the network. He tried to reassur himself that she would probably help him deal any consequences from the SGC getting hold of this new Stargate data. He tried to reassure himself that she would see that he'd had no alternative but to do what Sheppard had ordered. He even tried to convince himself that he could ask her to help him deal with any consequences from the SGC getting hold of this new Stargate data.

Rodney felt sure that he and Sam had always derived comfort from each other's company before, so maybe he could even talk to her about what was happening with Sheppard. However, she was a woman and she didn't have children to protect, so she could not completely understand the position he was in, or what he was feeling.

He sat down at his desk, stacked the paperwork from Friday into a neat pile, and procrastinated by arranging his pens, pencils, and sticky notes in precise, straight lines in his drawer.

"Morning."

Rodney looked up and saw Radek walking toward the desk across from Rodney's. 

Rodney tried to nod casually but he couldn't hold his emotions in any longer and he had to tell someone. The words, "I'm so screwed," burst out of his mouth as he scrambled over to stand in front of Zelenka's desk.

"You're not the only one," Radek said. He lowered his voice and continued, "It's none of my business, Rodney, but I'd make Dr. Carter's day as easy as possible if I were you." Radek moved to close the door to their office.  "It sounds like she's had a rough weekend.  The general found out that she deliberately altered changed the equations for the multiple wormhole theory to make it seem that multiple wormhole connections were impossible." Radek ran a hand through his untidy, fluffy hair. "The general was not happy, and, needless to say, he demonstrated his extreme displeasure to Carter this weekend."

You mean my wormhole theory Rodney thought instinctively before he felt a sinking in his stomach.  "What did he do to her?" he asked quietly. He felt both terrified for Sam and furious that O'Neill could get away with hurting her whenever he felt like it.

Radek sighed. "I do not know exact facts, Rodney, I have not seen her yet. I think she is in the infirmary with Carson at the moment." He stepped closer to Rodney.  "Have you eaten?" he asked.

Infirmary Rodney was confused by the sudden change of subject.  "What?"

Radek raised his eyebrows and tilted his head in the direction of Carter's office door. "It's still very early," he said in a deliberately neutral tone of voice. "Would you like to join me for breakfast?"

It was several moments before Rodney understood what Radek was saying.  His attention had still been on Sam.  "No.  Um, I need to go to my room and change." An I needed to pee all morning. He picked at his shirt as he said, "These are yesterday's clothes." He moved closer to Radek. "You said she's in the infirmary?" he asked in hushed tone. "Is she badly -"

"No, no. I wouldn't worry. She is upset but she's not hurt," assured Radek. "I think you had a rough time of it this weekend as well.  I'll bring back a muffin or something," he said as he headed for the door.

Rodney gave Radek a nervous smile. "Thanks," he said.

---

Rodney hesitated at the door to the quarters that he shared with Sheppard.  In the elevator Sheppard had said he would leave Rodney alone, but these quarters had been Sheppard's originally. What if Sheppard was inside?  Rodney always felt fear, fear that Sheppard, the sadist, the rapist, was right around the corner.  Now he feared that John, the man, the Johnny Cash loving pilot, was inside the room, and Rodney would have to interact with him. Knowing that John had changed, Rodney would have to acknowledge John's feelings . . . his love for Rodney.

"Shit," Rodney cursed under his breath. He turned the door handle and entered the room.  Sheppard's things were still there but the room was empty, and Rodney couldn't suppress a sigh of relief.  He unbuttoned his shirt and began to strip quickly so he could hurry into his fatigues.

After redressing Rodney returned to the lab and found a blueberry muffin on his desk.  He turned to look at Radek.  "Thanks again," he said. Indicating over his shoulder with his thumb he said, "I'm just gonna . . ." before trailing off into silence. He squared his shoulders and took a step toward Carter's office door, he couldn't keep avoiding her, not after what had happened, not when they worked with each other.

Radek's expression was skeptical. "If you're planning on discussing what happened with the equations, I wouldn't bother," he said.  "She said she didn't want to talk with anyone today."

"But it's my fault," Rodney objected.  "I – "

"She explicitly mentioned your name, Rodney," Radek said with a stern voice.

Rodney sighed, returned to his desk, and collapsed in his chair.  The knots in his stomach were growing knots of their own.  He felt a lot for Sam, and he hated having to betray her, but Sheppard had worked it out on his own that the data had been falsified.

Sheppard must have told O'Neill that Carter and Rodney had changed the equations in such a way to make them look workable but actually hide their futher potential. O'Neill had obviously left it to Sheppard to teach Rodney a lesson over the weekend. Sheppard had always preferred to use psychology rather than just brute force to educate Rodney, while O'Neill dealt with Sam in his own way.

Rodney's blood pressure rose as he thought back over some of the lessons that Sheppard had already taught him over the past few months; Sheppard had been particularly keen to take any and every opportunity in teaching Rodney to suppress his gag reflex.

Sheppard was not the tortured prisoner of the SGC he had pretended to be, now that Rodney knew what the Air Force officers here were capable of, he could only guess what a nightmare O'Neill had put Sam through over the last few days.

Rodney stared at his computer screen, but he could not concentrate. 

Sheppard had played him again, and this time Sam was the one who had gotten hurt.

Rodney needed to get out of there; he needed to do something. "Radek, if anyone needs me, I'll be killing Sheppard," he said as he headed for the door.

"Rodney, wait," Radek urged, but Rodney was already striding down the corridor.