Summary: An Ancient machine turns McKay into a woman, and that's only the beginning of his problems! He runs into Kolya and finds himself the victim of some unwanted attention. Based on Ellex's 'Keeping Dr. Meredith'. Slashy Version. Identical to Non-slashy version until Chap 9.

Updated: 30 Mar 2008; Published: 10 Mar 2008

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Author's Chapter Notes:
AN: This story is based on Ellex's "Keeping Dr. Meredith". The best SGA story EVER! The author's note said that anyone could use the idea, so... Here is my version. It coincides with my story, "Dear Mer". In my world no one died. Season 4 spoilers.

It wasn't the fact that the Ancient machine he found in the abandoned lab had turned him into a woman, it was the fact that Rodney couldn't figure out how to make it turn him back.

He moaned in frustration at another one of Sheppard's endless line of transvestite jokes, letting his head thump against the workstation in frustration.

"Chill out, McKay! Jeeze, a couple weeks as a woman and I think you already have PMS," Sheppard said with a grin, leaning back against the wall.

McKay raised his head and gave him a red-eyed glare. "Don't even joke about that. I have enough problems already."

Radek snickered quietly, the top half of his body wedged under the control console of the mysterious ancient sex change machine.

"Okay, can someone tell me why the Ancients thought it would be a good idea to build a sex change machine? Anyone?" Sheppard asked into the air, bored beyond belief.

"The same reason they thought an exploding tumor machine was a good idea." McKay said, letting his head drop back onto the table.

Sheppard stared at him in disbelief. "Exploding tumors?"

"Yes, Colonel. It's just a good thing we found out what it did before we tried to turn it on." Radek interjected, muffled by the console.

McKay snorted derisively, "Yah, one of my IDIOT technicians could have blown up half of Atlantis."

"Yes, it's much better when only you suffer, Rodney," Sheppard said with a grin.

McKay sighed, "You're right. I seem to be destined to suffer."

Radek chuckled.

"Shut up and fix it, R2-D2, or I'll throw you in the scrap pile," Rodney mumbled into the table.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Come on, McKay. You're getting out of this lab for a while."

"Huh? What? I can't! I've got to get this machine..."

"No, what you've got to do is eat, sleep, and let Radek work in peace."

"What?! Why?" Rodney sputtered as Sheppard dragged him from the room.

"Because tomorrow is our first off-world mission after you-know-what happened. And you have to be fresh!" Sheppard said, grinning at Rodney's discomfort.

People still looked twice as they walked down the corridors, two weeks not long enough to get used to seeing McKay as a woman- a slightly pudgy, sharp-nosed, short haired woman with all the charm of a one-eyed pit bull.

"I am NOT going on a mission like... like THIS! It's completely inappropriate!"

"I'd like to hear you tell Teyla that," Sheppard smirked.

"Yah, you're one to make jokes. If the machine had turned you into a woman, you'd probably have every man on this base after you- like you have every woman now. Me, I get looks like I'm some crazy Mother-in-Law that's going to chase them with a rolling pin or something!"

"More like Aunt," Sheppard said, shoving a sandwich in Rodney's hand as he stumbled into his quarters. "Good night, Rodney. See you bright and early tomorrow!" The door shut firmly, leaving Rodney alone in his room.

"See ya." Rodney mumbled, confused. His face twisted in dismay, "Oh, no! Pre-mission physicals!" He groaned, sitting heavily on the edge of his bed. "Just wonderful."