Sateda haunts him. It's a phantom memory that wraps around him and refuses to let go. Most of the time he doesn't mind the ghosts of the past holding him close in their embrace. They make sure that Sateda is never forgotten, even if it's not always cherished. Ever since the day the Wraith captured him Sateda has kept a firm hold on him and he has gripped back just as tightly. Sateda has brought him joy and hope and pain and loss and everything in between since he lost her and he could never begrudge her anything.
While Running he had pleasant dreams. In those dreams he would return home to find Sateda waiting. He would find a Sateda that was whole and filled with life. At times those dreams were the only thing that kept him going, kept him from laying down and waiting for the Wraith to catch up. When he Ran he would wake up and find the will to keep going one more day. He would find another way to keep his faith that one day he would no longer need to Run. Sometimes he thinks fondly of the days he didn't know that Sateda was no more. He could still think of the day he would get the tracker removed and return home.
He stopped dreaming of Sateda after coming to Atlantis. The images he saw on the MALP drove her from his mind. Instead he dreamed of phantom planets where Melena would meet him with a laugh and chide him for taking so long to find her. Sometimes he would dream of his family, his brothers and sisters cheerfully welcoming him into their new homes. He dreamed of the millions of possible ways he would find the scattered survivors of Sateda and how they would welcome him as one of them. In some ways he hated those dreams. Waking would bring an emotional punch, worse then anything physical could ever hope to be. The pain of losing them all again would be almost too much to endure. Those dreams stopped after his painful return to Sateda. If he could ever thank the Wraith for anything he would perhaps thank them for that, for taking away those dreams.
Now he dreams of Sateda as it is. A broken and lost world devoid of human life. He dreams of the empty buildings, the broken windows, the scattered belongings, and of the ghosts that scream out to him for vengeance. In these dreams he wonders an empty world looking for someone, anyone, to help him. Waking from these dreams he finds himself being used as a human pillow, head on his chest and arms wrapped around his body, Rodney sprawled across him with half the bed unused. After these dreams he lays in bed, holding Rodney close, and thinks of his new home and family. He thinks of all that Atlantis has given him and all that they have done together. He thinks of all he has gained and all that he could still lose again. Those nights he breathes in Rodney's scent and promises the ghosts of Sateda that it won't happen again. He tells them that he will find their vengeance and that his new home will remain safe. It's an easy thing to promise.