Summary: Team Sheppard plus assorted relations embark on a thrilling adventure to Orlando's Walt Disney World Resort!

SGA Season 5 canon pairings. John/Cam established relationship. Kidfic. Rated PG, unless you're mortally offended by the word "pedo".

Updated: 20 Mar 2009; Published: 20 Mar 2009

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Story Notes:
John's talking about the Great Orlando Wheel, coming in 2010.

Ronon looks sceptical. "It's a man-sized rodent with red pants."

"He's a cultural icon," Cam protests, sounding a little offended. He turns to John for support. "I thought you explained about Disney cartoons."

John shrugs, watching Jeannie round up the kids for their photo op with Mickey. Madison has her baby brother on her hip while Torren, Tagaan, and Brendan mug for Kaleb's digital camera. "We watched a few with the Athosian kids. Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, a couple others. The one about Atlantis -- Teyla was curious," he adds off Cam's look.

"Way to educate, Shep." He shakes his head in mock despair. "No Mickey, no Goofy, no Pluto. None of the classics! That's just sad."

"What's sad, Mitchell, is your mistaken impression that Mickey is 'classic' as opposed to 'obsolete'," says John, slipping an arm around Cam's waist.

"Them's fightin' words," Cam laughs, and leans in to kiss him.

But the only power struggle comes when Brendan takes off like a shot, having spotted Mr. Incredible over by an ice cream stand, and Cam snatches him off his feet mid-flight.

"C'mon, kiddo," says Cam, swinging their son upside-down so Brendan is red-faced and giggling. "Remember the rules?" They've been drilling him on the rules for two weeks now, in anticipation of the chaos that is The Happiest Place on Earth.

"Stay with a grown-up!" Brendan shouts gleefully, stretching his arms down to touch the asphalt of Main Street, USA. "No running off!"

Torren and Tagaan join the chant. "Don't talk to strangers! Hands inside the ride!"

Rodney bends down to look the kids in the eye. "And what's the most important rule of all?"

The kids shout in unison: "No puking on Uncle Rodney's shoes!"

Keller doesn't bother to hide her grin. "Hey, Brendan, he's coming over!" she exclaims, pointing. Cam flips Brendan back onto his feet as Mr. Incredible wanders past and Jeannie waylays him for a photo.

John really hopes this isn't what their entire day is going to be like, because at this rate they'll be lucky to make it to the castle before the park closes for the night. A young Asian woman -- John's not versed enough to know which Disney character she is -- wearing boots and armour, black hair tightly pulled back, has joined the group to Madison's delight. Ronon leans down to take the baby so she's free to put an arm around the woman and pose for the camera.

"At least that one had swords and armies," Ronon grumbles, tucking little Ian under one arm where he blinks, solemn and wide-eyed, at another baby in a nearby stroller.

John's lost. "What one with swords?"

"The cartoon with the girl who pretends to be a guy so she can join the army." He nods at the Asian woman. "That one was okay. But the rest of them don't have enough fighting."

"They're movies for kids, Ronon." John waves a hand to encompass the entirety of the theme park. "Same with this place. It's a family vacation thing, what every American kid under the age of ten dreams of. The most popular tourist attraction on the planet."

"Yeah, well, your planet's weird."

John grins a little. "Maybe. But the kids love it."

"And this is supposed to be fun," says Ronon doubtfully, eyeing the hundreds of yelling children crowding around colourful Disney characters while manic parents film and photograph for posterity and those hellish teenage years. "Strange guys in costumes going around touching your kids."

Right, because playing tour guide to a bunch of Pegasus natives for two weeks of leave on Earth wasn't stressful enough. Now John has to worry about Mickey being a pedo.

"They're very careful about the people they hire," Keller tries to reassure Teyla and Kanaan when they start to look concerned. "And there are security cameras everywhere, and plenty of staff around, in case kids get lost. It's really very safe."

"I'm sure it is," says Teyla, but her fingers twitch to where she usually has a knife secreted. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately (it's too early to tell), the metal detectors forced everyone to show up unarmed. Well, John suspects Ronon might still have something lethal but non-metal on his person, but he's not going to ask.

"Jeannie, enough with the photos!" Rodney grabs his sister's arm and frog-marches her down the street. "We're here to have fun, and eat, and spend exorbitant amounts of money on useless souvenirs, and to bond as a family, so let's get on with it already!"

Still toting the baby under his arm, Ronon falls into step with Kaleb and Madison behind the McKay siblings. Teyla and Kanaan take firm hold of their children and follow along, keeping a wary eye out for costumed strangers that stray too close.

Cam has Brendan in one hand, and John in the other. "You okay, baby?" he says when John doesn't move right away.

"We've only been here half an hour," says John a little despairingly. "And I'm already exhausted."

Huffing a laugh, Cam kisses him gently on the mouth. "I kinda know what you mean," he sighs, looking pointedly down at Brendan, who is straining against his hold, chattering excitedly about all the rides he wants to go on before lunch, and all the rides he wants to go on after lunch, and what he wants to eat for lunch, and all the souvenirs he wants to buy for Gramma and Grampa, and how he is big enough for Space Mountain, really, Dad, he is.

"No, you're really not," says John firmly, but with a helpless smile. Like a million other times since Brendan fell into his life, John finds strength to do that which he'd never before dreamed. Because the horror of the lines at Disney World is nothing, nothing in the face of his son's bubbling happiness.

Still, John does have plans for tonight, since Teyla's promised to babysit.

"Four hundred foot tall Ferris wheel," he whispers to Cam. "You take me tonight and I promise you'll get lucky."

Cam's slow and dirty grin is not exactly kid-friendly, but John honestly doesn't give a damn.

the end