Evan waited. He would like to say he waited patiently, but that wasn't really the case. In fact, he probably would have gone crazy if Ronon hadn't been there to occasionally fuck him so hard he couldn't think.
Every other day he or Ronon would subtly drop by to see Sheppard wherever the older man may be. Evan would ask if Sheppard was doing anything tonight and Sheppard would answer that yes, he was busy. Evan wasn't sure what Ronon asked, but it was probably something similar. Or maybe something cruder.
It was almost as if that night hadn't happened so many months ago. Sometimes Evan thought it had to have been a dream. But then he would catch Sheppard glancing at him or Ronon glancing at Sheppard. And Evan couldn't forget the feeling of Sheppard's body tucked up against his.
So he waited.
He waited and hoped Sheppard would come to his senses. Everyday his CO's smile got even tighter, the lines around his eyes more pronounced. Evan was sure that he'd caught Sheppard reaching out to touch him, but at the last minute the other man would pull his hand back.
Ronon, Evan noticed, was more physical with Sheppard now. He would sling an arm around Sheppard's shoulders, or gently steer the other man with a hand on his back. Evan wasn't jealous, he was just concerned.
But he never stopped offering, and neither did Ronon.
It had been 8 months since Sheppard had been kidnapped by Koyla and fed on by a Wraith. He still offered everyone that easy-going smile of his, his hair still stuck up every which way. For most of Atlantis, it's almost as though the whole incident had never even happened. Evan was sure that Sheppard had planned it that way.
"What are you thinking about?" A low voice asked from behind him.
Evan took a deep breath and grunted as Ronon pushed into him again. Evan braced his hands and knees against the bed as Ronon's fingers tightened around his waist, holding him steady. "Ask me later."
Ronon grunted in response and pulled his hips back only to sharply thrust once more. Evan felt his whole body jerk as Ronon pounded into him.
It had been almost three years since they'd first gotten together. By now, Ronon could take one look at Evan and know what he needed. It had freaked Evan out in the beginning, no one had ever known him so completely, but now he just accepted it and moved on.
There were times when he needed it a bit rough, like now, and times when Ronon was so gentle that Evan wondered if he hadn't already broken. Sometimes they switched it up. Ronon was much more of a bottom than anyone would probably expect. Evan didn't think he was as good as knowing what Ronon needed as the Satedan was with him, Ronon didn't seem to mind though.
A hand reached around and roughly grabbed Evan's erection, it began to move rapidly up and down his shaft and Evan was awash in sensation.
The Satedan laughed but didn't slow his pace. Evan knew he would feel it tomorrow, and that thought made him just a little bit excited.
Ronon leaned forward so his chest rested on Evan's back. His hand moved from Evan's hip to wrap around the front of Evan's chest, holding him tightly against him. Ronon, Evan knew, liked to be close to Evan when he came. He liked the feeling of skin on skin. He also knew that Ronon wouldn't come before Evan did. It was a quirk that the Satedan had, one that had taken a little while to get used to. One that he often tried to talk Ronon out of.
"Evan," Ronon growled softly.
No one had ever said his name like Ronon did; like it was a lifeline. Sometimes, when they were alone, Ronon would lie next to Evan and simply say his name over and over. As if he couldn't believe that he had someone lying next to him. Ronon loved Evan's name. Or maybe Ronon just loved Evan.
"Ronon," Evan gasped.
The Satedan moved a little and pressed a kiss to the back of Evan's neck, pushing his head down. He sucked lightly on the back of Evan's neck, and that was enough. Evan felt himself coming hard, all over Ronon's hand and the bed below him.
It took Ronon about three seconds to follow him. Ronon pushed into Evan one last time and came, emptying himself into Evan.
Evan bent there, panting as Ronon quivered around him. Ronon kissed the back of his neck again, an apology, as he pulled out. Evan fell onto the bed and rolled onto the side, avoiding the wet spot. Ronon curled up behind him.
In a moment they would get up and change the sheets and probably take a shower. Bur for right now, Evan was content to lay there, still breathing hard, as his heart rate steadily dropped. Ronon pushed a knee between Evan's legs and settled an arm over his body, hand resting on Evan's chest. He kept pressing kisses to the back of Evan's neck and Evan shivered with each one.
It was definitely an erogenous zone for him and Ronon knew it.
"Let's shower," Ronon said, his hand moving down to cup Evan's ass that was currently sticky with come and lube.
Evan got up slowly and winced a little, he was definitely a little tender. He didn't try to hide the wince from Ronon as he knew the younger man had never appreciated it when he'd done that in the past.
"Sorry," Ronon offered, wrapping an arm around Evan's waist.
"It's okay." And it was. It was what Evan had needed.
Ronon reached around him to turn the water on before gently steering Evan under the stream. As Ronon gently washed them both, something the Satedan loved to do, Evan's mind wandered again. He wondered how no one had caught onto them yet. Especially Ronon's team or even Evan's team.
On Atlantis the gossip mill ran in overdrive. Everyone was always in everyone's business. Evan wondered if maybe he and Ronon were something that everybody knew about but nobody talked about. Evan liked to think it was because they feared him, but really, he knew it was because they feared Ronon.
"Do you think people know about us?" Evan asked as Ronon ran a washcloth over his more... sensitive areas.
"You don't think they know and just don't say anything?" He leaned back into the Satedan as Ronon moved the washcloth up and over his chest.
"I'm mean, we've been together almost three years. Someone has to have noticed that you're never in your quarters."
Ronon hesitated as he turned Evan around and started washing his back, "I think Chuck knows."
Ronon's hand dipped between his cheeks and Evan leaned his forehead against the Satedan's chest as Ronon washed him out. "Yeah."
"He does seem to know everything."
"He won't talk."
"I wouldn't mind someone knowing," Ronon said. He dropped the washcloth and cupped Evan's butt, holding him close. "I'm not ashamed."
"I know you're not either, Evan."
Evan tilted his head up and found Ronon looking down at him. "I'm not."
"I know." Ronon leaned down and gave Evan a deep kiss full of emotion.
When they parted Evan wished he were about ten years younger so they could go again. They both loved shower sex. Ronon turned the water off and Evan grabbed them both a towel, handing one to his younger lover.
"So you don't think anyone knows?"
"What about Teyla? She doesn't suspect anything?"
"I think she knows I'm with someone, but I don't think she knows it's you," Ronon answered, drying himself off. "Why the sudden interest?"
Evan shrugged as he hung his towel back up. "Just thinking."
"Is this what you were thinking about earlier?" Ronon asked, wrapping himself around Evan from behind.
"No that was... that was something else."
"Oh," Ronon answered. He separated from Evan and went to track down some new sheets.
"I think whoever does laundry certainly knows that I'm, at least, getting laid regularly."
Ronon laughed as he pulled some new sheets out. Evan stripped the bed of the old ones, bundling them up and dumping them into his hamper. He went back over to the bed and tucked two corners of the sheet under as Ronon tucked in the ones on the other side.
Ronon tossed Evan the top sheet and Evan flicked it out with a flip of his wrist and it settled onto the bed. Ronon replaced their blanket and two pillows.
They both pulled on boxers before climbing into bed. It was a habit that started eight months ago, right after offering Sheppard a place in their bed should he ever need it. Neither of them wanted to make the other man uncomfortable should he arrive in the middle of the night.
Evan climbed under the covers and Ronon slid in on the other side. Evan waited a moment and felt Ronon settle against him. The Satedan's head rested on Evan's arm near his shoulder, his leg was thrown over Evan's legs, an arm rested across Evan's stomach.
"Do you think he still thinks about it?" Evan asked, using a finger to trace the skin on Ronon's back.
"About what?" Ronon knew which 'he' Evan was talking about.
"That night." Evan paused. "That day."
"I think most of the base thinks of it as one bad nightmare."
"Probably. Sheppard works hard to make people forget."
"Yeah. What time are you gating out tomorrow?"
"Late. 2200." Evan assumed that mean there was a significant time difference between Atlantis and the planet SGA-1 was gating out to."
"This just a day trip?"
"Yeah, we'll be back really early."
"Wake me up when you get back in?" Evan asked with a yawn.
With that Evan drifted off to sleep.
John hovered nervously in front of his XO's apartment. The hallways were clear and no had passed in the last five minutes since John had been standing there. He was suddenly grateful that Lorne had chosen to move a few months back when they found the new residential hall. He was no longer in the middle of a bunch of Marines, which made John less nervous about hovering outside of his quarters.
It was 0120 in the morning. Or at least it had been when John left his quarters. Now it was probably closer to 0200 or 0300. He'd been wandering around the city for a while. John wasn't sure how long, he'd left his watch in his quarters. He just liked to know that his city was safe.
He knew all of the scientists that would still be awake and stopped in to chat with each of them. A couple of them asked him to touch some Ancient artifact and a couple more asked him to look over equations. John did both. He felt a special connection with the people still awake when he was.
He'd stopped to say hi to the guards on duty, before walking around Atlantis' lower levels. The city would hum for him and sometimes John could sweet talk it into playing some Johnny Cash for him. Those were the nights he woke up screaming from a nightmare.
John wasn't sure why he'd ended up in front of Lorne's apartment. He'd tossed around Ronon and Lorne's offer multiple times but had never taken them up on it. They still asked him though, almost every day. They never said it casually, either. It wasn't something that habit had forced them to tack onto the end of a statement. They were both serious with their offer.
John took a deep breath and waved his hand in front of the door sensor. The door opened into a pitch black room and the lights slowly started to come up. He stepped inside and the doors closed behind him.
"Colonel?" A sleepy voice asked.
"Sheppard?" A less sleepy voice asked.
"Yeah, sorry to wake you, I'll just... I'll just go." John had already turned around and was waving his hand over the door sensor but the door wouldn't open. One of these days he was going to have a stern talking to Atlantis about the doors and who they should open for.
Two warm hands settled onto John, one on each shoulder and he turned around to see both Ronon and Lorne behind him, in nothing but boxer shorts. Both had a concerned look on their face. John couldn't remember the last time he had seen Ronon look concerned.
"Stay, sir. Please," Lorne asked quietly.
John exhaled, "I don't know what I'm doing here. I was walking and I ended up here and before I know it the door is opening..."
"We keyed it to you, sir," Lorne explained. "It will always open for you."
Except for when John wanted to leave. Then it would trap him and refuse to open.
John glanced around. He'd never been in Lorne's quarters before and it was very much apparent to anyone who knew the two men in front of him that Lorne and Ronon were living together. There was a painting that John knew Ronon had scavenged from Sateda hanging on the wall. Right next to it was a painting that John knew Lorne had done of the city. There were an equal mixture of Earth things along with things from the Pegasus Galaxy.
John didn't know when it had happened, but sometime between his arrival and now, his XO and his teammate had maneuvered him back to their bed. Lorne was pulling his shoes off and Ronon was tugging at his jacket. They left John in his shirt and pants, something John was grateful for.
He was on auto-pilot as he slid under the sheets, two bodies sliding in around him on either side. John curled up on his side, facing Lorne, as Ronon wrapped himself around John from behind. Lorne slid in closer and threw an arm over John, cradling John between their two bodies.
Some of the tension left his body and John released a happy sigh. He needed this. He hadn't realized how badly until just now. A hand plucked the radio from John's ear and he gave a half-hearted grope for it back.
Lorne laughed softly, "You can have it back in the morning, sir."
"It is the morning," John mumbled, already being lulled into sleep by their body heat.
"When you wake up again, sir," Lorne corrected.
"Will you be here?" John asked.
"One of us will, Sheppard," Ronon answered.
"It depends on what time you wake up, sir."
"'m always up by six," John told them.
"If that's true, sir, then we'll both still be here."
John hadn't slept past 0600 in ten years. He was pretty sure he wasn't about to start now. "Okay."
"Goodnight, sir." A hand gently combed through John's hair.
It was weird to wake up with Lorne and Ronon again after so many months. After that first time neither men had seemed apologetic that they'd basically crawled into bed with him without permission. If anything, they'd seemed to think it was their right to do so.
Lorne had laid out some clothes for John as Ronon went to get some coffee. When John had finished dressing he'd come out of the bathroom to find Lorne going through his e-mail, responding and deleting them like they weren't sent to John but sent to him. John had blinked and accepted the coffee Ronon held out for him.
After that they'd both directed him to the mess hall and they'd all eaten together, plus Rodney and Teyla. When breakfast had finished Ronon left to go train with some Marines and Lorne ushered John back to his office and they day continues as normal.
As John blinked away the sleep, he wondered if it would be like that again. Or maybe it would be different since he was in their room this time. Maybe they had a morning routine and John would only be in the way of it. John gave a half-hearted thought to sneaking out and while he was mildly sure he could get past his XO, he had no delusions about making it past Ronon.
They hadn't moved during the night so Ronon was still pressed up against John's back and Lorne was still wrapped around John's front. John knew that neither man was asleep.
"Morning, sir," Lorne greeted quietly.
The arm around John's waist loosened and John sat up. He took a moment to fully wake up before scooting down the bed and off of it. He rushed to the bathroom, making sure the door was all the way shut, before he relieved himself. The toilet flushed itself, something John still hadn't figured out, and John moved to the sink to wash his hands.
His reflection caught his eye and John's only thought was that he looked terrible. John splashed some water onto his face and reached for a nearby towel to dry it with. He wasn't sure why he cared what he looked like, but John futilely tried to fix his hair. After a minute or so he sighed and gave up, stepping back in front of the door.
He hesitated before stepping out when he caught a glimpse of Ronon and Lorne. Ronon had just kissed Lorne's forehead as he passed him in the room. Lorne threw a smile over his shoulder at Ronon and continued pulling some clothes out of his dresser.
Ronon walked up to John. "Sheppard." He sidled past John into the bathroom and John stepped forward before the door could close on him.
"I should go." John said quietly. "Sorry to just show up."
Lorne turned to face him. 'You're always welcome, sir. I would hope you knew that by now."
John knew that. He just really wasn't sure why he was always welcome. "Oh, uh, yeah."
Lorne smiled, "Good."
It was on the tip of John's tongue to ask the other man why they did this. Why they let John into their bed. Why John came first in their relationship. Why they seemed to care about John when nobody else did. Instead he nodded and swallowed.
"I'll see you later."
John headed for the door and was surprised a second later when Lorne reached out and pulled John into a tight hug. John didn't do anything because he thought it might be one of those quick hugs, ending before it began. But Lorne just kept holding on and slowly John let his arms encircle the other man lightly.
He wasn't sure he could ever say out loud how good it felt to be hugged. John couldn't remember the last hug he'd received. It had probably been from Ronon. Somehow John had gotten the reputation that he didn't like to be touched. And maybe there was a little bit of truth to that. He'd always been uncomfortable when Elizabeth would hug him. John thought that had to do more with the fact that she always seemed to like to hug him in front of his men. If there was one thing John learned from his father it was to never show weakness.
John liked to be hugged, but he could never ask for one and no one seemed to offer. So John closed his eyes and memorized the feeling of the hug he was currently receiving. It was stronger than Elizabeth's, tighter, more firm. It wasn't as cautious or as careful, not as delicate.
John felt his breath catch. He could have this. Here. Now. But in ten minutes he would be alone again. Alone in his quarters. John tried to squish down the small bit of jealousy that was rising up in him. Ronon and Lorne both had someone to come home to at night. Someone to sleep with every night.
All John had was a cold, empty bed. And every day it seemed to get colder and emptier.
John knew he was getting older. He didn't want to keep getting older alone. But he couldn't keep borrowing Lorne and Ronon. They had their own life. Even if it was oddly centered around John.
His chest ached and John didn't want to come back to their quarters again. It had hurt the first time; the night after the one they had spent with him. John had never felt more alone. It had been so fresh in his memory--the feeling of Ronon behind him, the knowledge that he was safe with both of them. John hadn't slept as well since. At least until he'd showed up at their door this morning.
He would spend the next two weeks trying to forget how good it felt to just be next to someone. He would spend three more after that trying not to drink himself to sleep.
John was horrified to feel a tear slide down his cheek. He caught it with his hand before it could drip off of his cheek and onto the floor. He pulled quickly out of Lorne's arms and John didn't look at the other man as he left.
And he couldn't go back.