Summary: Oops! Someone's pregnant! Parody/the cliché every Harlequin book has...
This was written in 2006 for the Harlequin challenge on sga_flashfic. I've retitled it since then. I wouldn't write this at all, normally, but damn it, this challenge was just asking for it. Mpreg mentioned, but not to be taken seriously. At all. Really. It's crack!fic.
Athosian wine was a dangerous, dangerous thing.
It was Christmas. Well, Christmas on Earth, anyway. So someone decided there should be a party. But not just Christmas party, because that wouldn't be fair to all other religions. So a tree was dragged in from the mainland, a menorah sat next to it, along with a plethora of other items signifying other holidays and religions.
And wine. Lots of wine.
No one objected to that.
Well, not until the next morning at least.
Or six weeks from that morning to be exact.
No one seemed to be spared when it came to the aftermath of the holiday drinking binge. But no one thought much about further consequences. Birth control was the norm and few could even remember the evening.
Teyla, however, didn't take such a precaution and was the first in Carson's office.
Yes, the first. The stick turned blue and Teyla turned red.
"You do have options, luv," Carson explained, though he doubted Teyla would want to hear them. She wandered off to contemplate the news.
Two of his nurses were next. Two positives. Two shocked faces.
Other female personal started filtering in as well, but when Elizabeth Weir made her way into Carson's domain, the physician knew the situation was serious.
Elizabeth looked sheepishly to the floor when Carson told her the results.
Athosian wine had unknowingly created the Atlantis baby boom. Later, when Carson had a change to analyze the wine's properties, he wasn't surprised to discover it rendered Earth birth control useless.
He sighed, went to tell Elizabeth of his findings, and thanked his lucky stars that his drunken "rendezvous" wasn't with a woman.
Due to the recent chain of events, Weir decided physicals were a good idea. Carson agreed. Any woman that hadn't already had one, was given a pregnancy test. Even Carson himself had to submit to an exam.
He never expected it. Not all at.
"Um, Dr. Beckett?"
He was sitting at his desk when Dr. Biro poked her head in.
She paused before continuing. "I ran the test on your blood sample by accident, really. But when I tested it again, I still got the same result. I..."
He sighed. "You what? Out with it. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said. "You're just..."
He motioned with his hand. "I'm just what?"
He simply stared at her.
"You're joking, right?"
"Three times, Carson. I ran it three times. All positive."
He blinked. This couldn't happen. This was a something out of very bad science fiction film. Or sappy gay novel.
"I think we need to do an ultrasound," Biro continued. "As soon as possible."
Carson could only nod.
It was there in black and white. One night, too much wine, and there it was. A tiny life had somehow found it's way into his body.
"It appears normal," someone said. A member of his staff.
This couldn't be happening. It was just some terrible dream.
"I want to take at look at the blood work again," another voice said. Carson felt like a guinea pig.
That voice he recognized. Go away, he pleaded. Not now. But the owner of the voice didn't listen.
"What the hell is that?" Eyes were glued to the ultrasound machine.
Carson sighed. "Rodney, I'm fine," he started.
"No you're not. I may not be versed in the art of voodoo, but lying on a gurney surrounded by medical personal and an ultrasound machine is not good." Suddenly the color drained from Rodney's face. "An ultrasound machine..." His eyes returned to the monitor. "Oh, god. Something moved. That isn't...?"
"A baby?" Carson finished. "Aye, it is."
Rodney slumped to the floor.