Summary: After leaving the Sanctuary, Sheppard has an idea that'll change everything.
I'm not sure how this started this evening, but I'm pretty sure it was due to watching a music video for Sheppard (Silent Boulevard by Gwendolynflight) and he decided to get mouthy and stubborn in my head until I got this down. This is insta!fic so please forgive any mistakes and the fact that I'll probably be the only one to understand it (I get funny ideas some times) but I figured I'd share and all feedback is welcomed. *scratches head and tries to figure out how in the hell I did another story from Sheppard's POV but not knocking it.*
Pairing: Gen, but there's a hint of possible John/Cam (you can take it as friendship or slash)
Setting: A few months after Sanctuary.
It came on John in the middle of the night, as he lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He wasn't allowing his mind to think on any one subject too long, afraid that he would dig into it and sleep would never come to him.
When the revelation hit him, John sat up straight in bed. He smiled, wondering if this was how Rodney felt when he was struck with a solution to well worn problems. He'd known for months now, since spending time in the sanctuary with Teer's village, but he was still shocked at just how wrong the Ancients were in their quest for ascension. That they could have had both the answer to their goals and also maintain their guardianship over the worlds they'd help create. It was thanks to that little hidden away village, showing him just how wrong it was to give up on finding the joys in life resting among the madness ready to spring out and overshadowing everything else.
John wanted to move, to show his team, his friends - to show Cameron what he'd discovered, but decided against it. He knew them too well and they would want proof, and they would have to be shown that it was safe. Jumping out of bed, John went to where he kept the camera he used sometimes for missions and quickly set it up on his desk. On camera, John didn't appear to be bothered wearing only his panda t-shirt and pajama bottoms and sat on the edge of the bed after starting the recording and began talking without preamble. "I just had an idea - don't start McKay, I do have them on occasion - and I wanted to share it with you. I'd - I'd really appreciate it if you gave it a chance before calling it crazy."
Pausing, John thought for a moment on how to continue. He chewed on his thumbnail a moment before coming to the conclusion that there wasn't a way to really start off without sounding like he'd finally cracked.
"Screw it," John stopped chewing on the finger and looked right into the camera lens again, "there's no real way to explain it without just showing you first."
John leaned his head back slightly, hands resting on his knees, and closed his eyes. The room is silent but for the air whispering from the ventilation as he sat there. His mind just as silent as he found the balance between what ground him to the earth and what made him soar, to let everything about himself go.
He wasn't bothered when he didn't see the light floating across the surface of his skin (feeling it with the simple click in the back of his mind, something slotting into place), the camera bears witness.
Unlike the Ancients, John recognized where they'd gone wrong and the light faded from him. Lowering his head, John opened his eyes. He smiled. "I know more than one of you are probably freaking out right now," he took a deep breath, "Please don't. I'm not going anywhere. And I'm still just John Sheppard, not one of the ascended. Well actually, I am ascended - but not like those other yahoos. And no, Rodney, I'm not calling myself a yahoo..."
He stopped himself before he could get off-track. "What I... mean is that I figured out how to ascend - and the right way, the way it should be if it's to mean anything."
John tilted his head and considered his words. "You know how we always say that Ancients were arrogant assholes? They were and they were out of touch with their own humanity, misplacing it with intellect. Everything else, all of their achievements weren't for the betterment of the lives, and the worlds they'd help jump start. Their apathy makes them just as dark side as the Wraith or the Ori."
Standing, John stepped over to the head of his bed, still in sight of the lens, and placed his hand on the wall. His hand began to glow softly, the light barely flickering into existence, where it rested. Looking up at the ceiling, John's grin was full of wonder when he asked, "How are you doing, old girl? It's nice to speak to you properly too. Yeah, hon, we can definitely talk some more later, I'm looking forward to it. I'll be sure to bring McKay with me," his lips turn downward slightly, "if he hasn't freaked out into next week that is."
Suddenly loud laughter burst out of him and John nodded. "I'm sure that we can talk someone into doing a study on that." Lowering his hand, John sat back down on the bed and pointed a finger up at the ceiling. "Rodney, Atlantis said that when you're upset that you vibrate so much she's sure that you're about to cause a temporal distortion."
Sobering, John continued, "But like I was saying before I got myself sidetracked. We're better than that - than them - and I want to share that with anyone that'll give it a chance. I think we can really do some good, not that we haven't all ready."
Quiet for several minutes, John stared off in the distance before refocusing. "I don't know why the idea came to me, maybe something of what Teer tried to teach me sunk in, maybe it was the fact that I saw them living day to day where the only thing on their mind was reaching ultimate enlightenment and not even living. They didn't know how to appreciate the little things, even the things that terrify you, that make a life worth living. If they had, they could have stopped searching for that so-called enlightenment years ago. Teer kept saying she wanted me to come with them. But there never has been anything for me," his hand fluttered in the air, "out there. Their stupid rules piss me off because they have the means to help people and do nothing. That isn't me."
John raised his hand, palm up, and a small flame appeared and danced in the center for a minute before winking out and he closed it into a fist, letting if fall back on his leg. "I know it isn't you guys either. So now I gotta ask you, if you haven't sent security after me yet, that is. Would you like me to teach you how to get here with me? It's nothing like what the Ancients did... This is more of a halfway point while still being ascended but I'm still human, still alive, and still want to keep going on living so I can continue doing my job. And I promise, there's no meditation to go with it."
Reaching over, John picks up the camera until he's holding it almost at arms length. "So how about it guys, care to join me?"